What's Stopping You?

Why Smart People Don't Always Reach Their Potential and How You Can

Robert Kelsey

• Publisher: Capstone
• Year: 2012
• ISBN:
  9780857083371
• Edition: 2
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Small Business
• Index: Business

A practical guide to attacking the most common of phobias: fear of failure

A practical guide to attacking the most common of phobias: fear of failure Since its publication in 2011, What's Stopping You? has offered readers a hard look at the quality of their careers and personal lives. For those who'd give themselves a solid "C+", this brutally honest guide to taking stock also offers the keys to self-improvement. By dismantling the fear inhibiting all achievement—fear of failure—author Robert Kelsey offers a set of seven steps designed to help readers map out their actions, and attain what once seemed elusive milestones.

Written for the frustrated underachiever or anyone who feels like one, this unique book addresses can the real obstacles hindering both professional and personal growth.

• Includes a new chapter with tactics for overcoming a fear of failure
• Explores methods for dealing with different types of people in a host of situations, such as getting a new job, pitching for new work, making presentations, or communicating clearly in an argument

With a Foreword by one of Britain's most successful businessman, Luke Johnson, this unique handbook to overcoming the most basic of fears is a must for anyone who would like to upgrade the quality of their life.

PART ONE

What is Stopping You?

1

FEAR

Ask what was stopping me and I can tell you immediately: fear. Fear of failure in fact. Relationship-issues with parents, siblings, teachers and peers can be a cause, as can other traumatic events in childhood – especially ones where we feel demeaned or humiliated. But the fear can build from tiny beginnings into an uncontrollable phobia that can mentally paralyze the sufferer in adulthood. It can also strike us at various stages in our career – even once we have built up strong confidence in a particular area.

My disastrous investment banking “career” provides a potent example in my own story. A seemingly confident financial journalist with a strong and detailed knowledge of corporate banking, I caught the eye of a leading corporate bank and, after a protracted interview and assessment process, persuaded them I had the perfect training and background for joining their growing corporate banking team within the investment bank.

Yet once inside the door my behaviour changed. I became fearful that my knowledge was paper-thin and I possessed nothing more than a talent for empty bravado. Of course, this was probably true, but was no different to the majority of bankers in the room – all with very narrow experience compared to my breadth of knowledge across the corporate banking spectrum (exactly the knowledge required for selling the corporate bank’s range of financial products). But having sold myself well during the recruitment process, once a practicing banker I became scared of putting a foot wrong – leaving them wondering what had happened to the confident, even cocky, person they’d employed as their next hotshot “originator.”

My role was to source US$100 million-plus financings for the bank to arrange and distribute to investors. As a journalist, these deals looked easy. I assumed the bank found a willing borrower, asked for some security (in this case trade-receivables such as oil shipments), handed over the money and waited for it to come back with interest. But half the banks in London were doing the same, forcing me into one of the scariest margins of the 1990s corporate borrower universe: Russia.

In the mid-1990s businessmen were being gunned down on a daily basis on the streets of Moscow, and my clients – the newly privatized Russian oil companies – were certainly menacing organizations to deal with. Yet that wasn’t the bit that scared me. In fact that helped mask my real terror, which was the bank discovering how little I knew about how to structure one of these deals. I couldn’t calculate the volumes of oil required to repay the loan, or establish what volumes had to be where, when, and how they got there. It looked way too complex for my simple brain.

And the fact no one in the bank had this knowledge – we simply took the information on trust from the oil companies – didn’t seem to bother anyone but me, which was a key part of my problem with banking. Taking such risks is the nuts and bolts of the industry. Yet I couldn’t help visualizing one of about 20 disaster scenarios being played out in various hostile environ­ments somewhere out there in the post-Soviet steppes – all of which would have rendered my banking career over in a puff of public humiliation.

Blind to Office Politics

Being risk-averse and technically inept should not have meant curtains for my banking career. Fear stalked the corridors of the entire bank – as did technical ineptitude come to that. The ultimate reason for failing as an investment banker was that all those technically inept and risk-averse bankers prospered by being hotshots at office politics. They had strong judgement regarding where the bank was heading and could make self-enhancing decisions on that basis.

But I was awful at office politics. And I had terrible judgement – based on trying to hide my fears and insecurities rather than focusing on the interests of the bank (or myself) – which led me to trust the wrong people and back the wrong deals. My behav­iour changed to the point where I came across as a fool, and soon started being treated as one. Any deal on my desk looked dodgy for the simple reason it was on my desk, and any new project that came my way soon acquired a distinctly hot-potato feel to it.

Even the transfer to America – sold to me as the “move that could make you” – was no more than turning-out-the-lights on a failing office. The only way I could make it work was by discovering the one entity that would hoover up our loan structures no matter what: Enron.

Yet rather than focus on the skills required to become a competent banker – especially the soft skills such as calculating who could and couldn’t be trusted and recruiting people to my cause – I soon sought a way out of banking. I fell back on my core skill of journalism and started writing about my life in New York, which before long had a greater hold on my imagination, and time, than a banking career that I was rejecting, seemingly before it could reject me.

Emotions and Their Role in Survival

I detail the fears and behaviour that destroyed my banking career because they seem odd given that it took some guts to win the job in the first place. And I had clearly been judged as having the required knowledge and at least the capabilities of learning the trade by my seniors within the bank. Yet, as we shall see, those suffering from fear of failure are often able to take extreme risks in situations where failure is almost certain. Meanwhile, they find themselves paralyzed by everyday situations that involve only moderate but often very public risks. And they are more than capable of changing their behaviour in ways that make failure more likely. All of which makes fear of failure a debilitat­ing and self-fulfilling condition seemingly at odds with today’s career needs.

So how did we get to the point where so many people sabotage their own advancement through such self-harming behaviour? In his book Emotion: the Science of Sentiment (2001), British philosopher Dylan Evans tackles this conundrum by asking an important question: given the fact emotions such as fear and sadness seem to be “hardwired” into humans, why are they so bad for modern careers? Or looking at it the other way: as such emotions seem to offer no economic advantage – in fact just the opposite – why have they not died out in the process of natural selection?

He wonders why we have not evolved to behave like Spock in Star Trek and judge life’s trials in purely logical terms. The conclusion appears to be that Spock’s home planet of Vulcan was an abundant paradise entirely free of disease or predators. Meanwhile on Earth, Evans contests that emotions evolved as a rapid-reflexive action aimed at survival – hence it often arriving in an uncontrollable nerve-surge through the body.

Joy, distress, disgust, fear, anger: all played a key role in helping our survival in the “state of nature,” says Evans. And to an extent we rarely acknowledge, such emotions continue to play an important evaluation role today, just a more subtle one. Evans provides evidence of this by observing those unable to use their emotions for evaluation.

“Those that lose their emotional capacity through brain damage tend to be easy victims for the unscrupulous,” he observes. “Forced to rely on their logical reasoning, they make disastrous choices about whom they can trust.”

Impaired Mental Capacity

Evans makes an important point because, as we shall see, those of us with fear of failure may well have such fears due to an impaired mental capacity when it comes to reasoning and evaluations – perhaps due to poor conditioning or traumatic events as a child. And this means that we are also vulnerable, with fear being our response to that vulnerability.

So emotions remain important in the modern world, which means that an impaired capacity to use our emotions to evaluate situations is potentially disastrous – or at best paralyzing.

Does this therefore enslave us to the potency of our emotions, forcing those with impaired evaluations into self-destructive behaviour? Not always. Plenty of people behave in ways not dictated by their emotions. The stiff upper-lip of the English upper classes is no myth, but is an external response rather than inward feeling – a training from an early age to hide emotions rather than change them – not dissimilar to the poker face of the professional gambler who may inwardly be in emotional turmoil. Yet such responses are only ever a mask. In reality “quiet desperation is the English way” – at least according to Pink Floyd.

Such masking takes training and is, in any case, an unsatisfactory response in the modern world where we are encouraged to express ourselves, or at least to behave in ways that generate trust and understanding rather than distrust and misunderstanding. And such a masking may simply delay a terrible reckoning – a breakdown as the mask slips and then collapses due to the pressure. Far better, surely, to try and understand our emotions, as well as how emotions such as fear can motivate and demotivate us, and how they can impair our evaluations and change our behaviours. Surely self-awareness trumps self-denial every time?

Experiments in Emotional Manipulation

In his book Motivation (1975) psychologist Phil Evans details the relatively short history of academic experiments on our emotions – and particularly on fear – and how they impact our motivation.

For instance, in 1948 the pioneering American psychologist Neal Miller experimented on the impact of fear on behaviour by placing rats in a box with two compartments – one black, one white – with those in the white zone consistently given electric shocks. The rats were soon exhibiting great reluctance to venture into the white zone, even overcoming physical barriers in order to escape to the safety of the black zone. And before long, Miller’s harassed rodents needed only to catch sight of the white zone to exhibit signs of extreme stress. Miller concluded that fear as a driver can be quickly acquired, can change behaviour profoundly, and can internally condition the rat to elicit a fear response when subsequently triggered (i.e. when reminded of the trauma).

Unsurprisingly, such emotional conditioning is also applicable with humans, at even a subtle level. Evans cites Judson S. Brown a post-war American psychologist who thought that, due to fear, humans spend much of their time in search of “reinforcers” such as money and in performing “operant responses” such as holding down a job. In Brown’s opinion, what a person was seeking was potentially less important than what a person was avoiding. He considered that a person could be said to be making money, but could equally be motivated by the fear of not making money.

For me, Brown’s focus on avoidance is beginning to get to the heart of the matter with respect to fear as a driver. Yet when studying fear’s motivational potential the most important contribution comes from John W. Atkinson of Stanford University.

In the 1960s Atkinson undertook a series of experiments on children that was to nail fear of failure as a behavioural driver. He actually set out to discover what motivated people to achieve, or how “achievement motivation” or the “need for achievement” developed in children. Yet his experiments are now equally celebrated for their discovery of the opposite dynamic.

Again, detailed by Evans, and following on from earlier experiments by David McClelland, Atkinson (with G.H. Litwin) involved groups of children in reward-based games and activities and recorded that the children approached the tasks in two quite distinct ways: anticipating success or anticipating failure. Atkinson noticed that this divide had an enormous impact on the individual’s approach, performance and behaviour during the task.

An individual’s attitude (and the outcome) was dictated by whether they had high or low levels of “achievement motivation,” concluded Atkinson. Those with high achievement motivation were driven by both their need and their expectation of success. They focused on the reward of task fulfilment and behaved in ways likely to generate success.

Meanwhile, those with low achievement motivation were motivated by a fear of failure, and sought to avoid even moderately difficult tasks due to their expectation of failure. What most concerned them was the humiliation of failure – resulting in them employing a series of tactics to either evade the task or disguise their avoidance (which included disrupting the entire task).

Atkinson’s discovery forms the key divide in this book, so bears repetition:

• Those with high achievement motivation have an expectation of success and are focused on the rewards that success will bring. We shall call them High-AMs (although Atkinson’s label was the more complex nAch, meaning “need for achievement”).
• Those with a high fear of failure have an expectation of failure and are focused on avoiding the humiliation failure will bring. We shall call them High-FFs.
• The majority of people reading this book will be High-FFs (with a high fear of failure), although it is important to bear in mind that those studying achievement motivation, and its opposite, found a spectrum of responses.

Atkinson was to make one more – extraordinary – discovery. High-FFs had no prob...