One Voice

House and Here Lies Henry

Daniel MacIvor

• Publisher: Playwrights Canada Press
• Year: 2010
• ISBN:
  9781770912267
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: Canadian Drama
• Index: Literature

Giving his characters life in a whirlwind of words, Daniel MacIvor showcases his talents as a writer and performer in two of his most celebrated solo shows. Published here for the first time in their newly revised scripts, House and Here Lies Henry seethe with anger and soothe with comedy.In House, Victor drags his audience through his life, his fantasies, his desires, and his recent push to the edge. Here Lies Henry is a story about a man alone on a room with a mission to tell you something you don't already know.

NOTES TO FUTURE PRODUCTIONS

MUSIC AND SOUND

In the original productions Henry wore a microphone through which his voice was at times affected. Sound and music were also used often throughout the performance as an indication of a level of reality outside Henry’s control. These moments are not notated in this text. Use your imagination.

LIGHT

The lighting in the original production consisted of a series of boxes that grew increasingly smaller until only Henry’s face was lit. I have notated lighting changes in this text.

COSTUME

Henry should be dressed up, looking his best.

SET

A bare stage. In the front row of the audience is a chair which is clearly marked as reserved for a local dignitary. Perhaps the mayor. Someone whose presence is possible.

PERFORMANCE

Henry is talking to this audience, tonight, in this space. Everything is happening now.

TEXT

There is a level of improvisation which happens with the audience, and I have noted these moments and given suggestions in parenthesis. Contemporary and local references should be altered and added to keep the production current and inside the local community. I have also noted where these alterations and additions might occur. Also, it would be out of character for Henry not to say, “Bless you,” if someone in the audience should sneeze. And if a cellphone should ring he would certainly respond with an “I’m not here,” or “Is that for me?”

MARKETING

In presenting a production it might be in your best interests to downplay the role of the outside writer (me). If the audience is overtly conscious of a “writer” then it makes it difficult to look at the show as happening tonight. Perhaps keep mention of the writer off the posters and promo and only give credit in the show’s program. Also, in the program Daniel Brooks must receive credit as dramaturge.

A dark stage. Now.

Ominous music.

HENRY enters through a dim tunnel of light.

HENRY coughs. Music out, light up bright.

HENRY regards the audience fearfully.

He smiles weakly.

More fear.

He nods hello to a couple of individuals.

HENRY knows he has to do something but he’s not sure what.

HENRY has an idea.

HENRY

(singing, tentative) “Grab your coat and get your hat, leave your worries on the doorstep, life could be so sweet (getting into it) on the sunny side of the street!” (He hits a bad note on the last word; he tries to find the right note.) “…street.” “…street.” No. “… street.” (He can’t find the note, he gives up.)

He regards the audience fearfully.

He checks his fly.

He mimes a bird with his hands, it flies and lands on his shoulder.

An uncomfortable pause.

You don’t want to get me started talking, I might never shut up.

I took a public slpeak…

I took a public-speaking course.

One: Don’t say “um.”

Two: Never apologize.

Three: Don’t say “anyway.”

Four: …Um…?

Sorry.

Anyway. Ahhh!

It’s hard.

I’m not prepared. Not that I didn’t have time to prepare but… well you know how these things are. Or maybe you don’t, I don’t know.

Ah but what’s preparation anyway? Just the mortal enemy of spontaneity. I’ve always had a problem being spontaneous—

No, that’s a lie.

All right then, let’s get Spontaneous!

He does a little dance.

After a moment he gives up.

He regards the audience.

He tries to think of something to say.

Oh… kay. A tourist in New York and the tourist walks up to a cab driver, and the tourist asks the cab driver: “Do you know where Carnegie Hall is?” and the cab driver says…

Oh.

That’s wrong.

Or!

Why are fire engines red?

Because…!

Actually, my grandma told me that. It’s kind of for kids. It’s silly.

Or…

A podiatrist walks into a bar…. No, a proctologist…. Or….

Usually I’m pretty good with…. But when you need one you just can’t think of…

An uncomfortable pause.

I’ve got a place if you’re looking. And who isn’t? Everybody’s always looking for a better…. Two bedrooms, hardwood floors, fireplace, view of the park, nine-fifty all-inclusive. It’s a very good deal. Of course if you take it you’ll have to contend with the body in the next room. Oooo, what’s this suddenly? A mystery! CSI: Me suddenly.

Note: the price of the apartment should support current market and local trends as “a good deal.” Also, the television program should be a current mystery-type program.

No.

I had the strangest dream.

Music and light shift: deeply eerie.

It wasn’t that strange.

Music out and light restored.

An uncomfortable pause.

What ever happened to Nigel Kennedy? Remember him. With the violin? He was really… good. Edgy. I’m a little edgy. I’m doing a cold-turkey thing. Tried Nicorette, tried the patch, nothing works for me—just cold turkey. It takes time but —

Time! Oh you’ll like this.

“A Brief Moment With Time.”

(in a funny voice) Hi I’m Time!

(a different funny voice) Hi I’m Time!

(searching for the voice) Hi I’m Time!

I can’t find the right…. I need a few drinks for that one. It’s more of a party thing.

An uncomfortable pause.

See CSI?

You get CSI here?

The one with the girl? I hate that show. That girl’s too thin. She’s probably a vegetarian—

Note: This should be the same television program mentioned earlier. We can safely assume any television program of this ilk will feature a too-thin female.

OH! Okay, this is good:

I’m in the salad bar, upstairs there’s some vegetarian s...