Happy Now? (NHB Modern Plays)

Lucinda Coxon

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2016
• ISBN:
  9781780017815
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

A painfully truthful, darkly comic take on contemporary life and how to survive it.

A chance encounter at a conference hotel plays upon Kitty's mind as she struggles to balance personal freedom with family life, fidelity and a testing job. Her husband seems more interested in misplaced apostrophes than his marriage, her parents are looking down the barrel of oblivion and, although she might toy with joining a gym, Kitty's running out of time for big changes.

'the best new play to have arrived on a British stage for at least a year... unsparing observation, baleful humour and underlying compassion... a richly rewarding gem of a play' - Telegraph

'wonderfully funny and painfully accurate... hits nail after nail on the head' - Independent

'Everything about the play rings with a horrible truth, and the writing is consistently funny and flecked with pain' - Whatsonstage.com

ACT ONE

Scene One

Hotel bar, the aftermath of a conference. Muzak plays. Voices rise and fall. A man, MICHAEL, holds court. He’s colourful, expansive, slightly loosened up with drink and tiredness. He tells a joke to a group of (unseen) male colleagues.

MICHAEL. So afterwards, he says to her, the guy says . . . ‘If I’d known you were a virgin I’d’ve taken more time . . . ’ and she says . . . she says . . .

He laughs in anticipation of his punchline . . .

‘If I’d known you had more time, I’d have taken my tights off!’

Uproarious reaction . . . MICHAEL does a little victory dance, in the midst of which he sees KITTY walk through the bar. He’s instantly struck by her.

Sorry – mea culpa – ladies present . . .

KITTY. No problem.

She keeps moving, but MICHAEL delays her, engaging with her directly.

MICHAEL. Still, I always think the average woman can take a joke. You know what the proof of that is?

KITTY smiles a little, not especially out of pleasure.

KITTY. No.

MICHAEL. The average man.

KITTY manages to raise her eyebrows in acknowledgement of the attempt, but doesn’t laugh.

Oh – I’m dying here. God, somebody shoot me, put me out of my misery.

KITTY. Don’t worry about it.

MICHAEL. It’s you. You make me nervous.

KITTY (sarcastic). Really?

She stiffens, goes to leave.

MICHAEL. Sorry – Michael. Michael Manson.

He displays his conference badge.

Age Awareness.

KITTY’s attitude shifts.

KITTY. Oh, I’ve heard of you . . . er, Kitty Allison, Cancer . . .

MICHAEL. Cancer Concern – I know – I saw you up there.

He puffs out his cheeks, a pantomime of amazement.

I mean, your presentation – blew me away . . . I tell you, I was like – you go, girl.

KITTY (uncertainly). Thank you.

MICHAEL. It needed saying what you were saying – and no one ever says it.

KITTY relaxes a little, on professional ground.

KITTY. Well it’s unpalatable.

MICHAEL. But it’s the truth! What are we going to do – carry on for ever living in this . . . this threadbare fantasy that someday our prince of core funding will come? No – that’s gone. He’s over the hills and far away. Organisations like ours have to embrace that. Say: okay, maybe we haven’t got the stability the one big government grant would give us, but what we have got is flexibility – a crack at self-determination. I’m very excited. I’m sorry. You excited me.

KITTY gestures a politely ambivalent response.

Will you have a drink?

She’s tempted, but:

KITTY. You know what, I won’t, thanks.

MICHAEL. No, quite right. Stay in control. Not like this rabble.

He gestures to the men.

Like kids on a school outing. Me too. I’ll put my hand up.

KITTY. It’s just I’ve some stuff to write up and then an early train home tomorrow . . .

MICHAEL. Sure. But sit, will you . . . two minutes. I’d love just to talk to you . . .

KITTY hesitates a moment, then . . . she exhales, conscious suddenly of being tired.

KITTY. Well why not?

She sits.

MICHAEL. It takes it out of you.

KITTY. It’s just – you know – the adrenalin crash. I was more nervous than I expected to be.

MICHAEL. Didn’t show.

KITTY. Bigger crowd than I’m used to. My boss usually does these events . . .

MICHAEL. Stephanie.

KITTY. Yes . . .

MICHAEL. I know Steph. We’re on a government euthanasia panel together. I’m for. She’s against.

KITTY. Oh . . . that’s company policy. Anyway, she’s got this throat thing they can’t seem to knock out, so I stepped in. A bit seat-of-the-pants, to be honest.

MICHAEL. Come on! You did a t...