Push Up (NHB Modern Plays)

Roland Schimmelpfennig

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2016
• ISBN:
  9781780018089
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: European Drama
• Index: Literature

A savage satire on the rapacious nature of office lives and lusts - the British debut from a writer whose work has been seen in prestigious theatres all over Germany.

Everyone wants to get to the executive suite. Everyone wants the Delhi job. Everyone wants sex, everyone wants love. So, they push for it.

This version premiered at the Royal Court Theatre, London, in 2002.

'an attack on corporate life enacted in a sequence of cunning dialogues... formally elegant and crisply expressed' - Observer

'an arresting piece... makes one hope that the Royal Court will import more of Schimmelpfennig's work' - Independent

A.

HEINRICH. I work for a pretty big corporation. I sit on the ground floor, behind the glass pane in the lobby. Everyone that works in the building walks past me. The building is big, really big, sixteen floors, and next to me there are monitors transmitting pictures from the security cameras.

In the control room we work shifts, usually in twos. On the night shift we also do the round through the building. On the night round we check every room, we unlock and lock every single room. That takes time. The building is extensive, there is everything you would imagine: the executive floor, the meeting rooms that still smell of cigarettes at night, the sectors of the different departments and sub-departments, the administration offices, develop­ment, the creative rooms, the labs and the huge computer control room in the basement. That’s where they save data from all over the world: data from the branches in the US, South Africa, India.

Next to the monitors for the security cameras is my own little TV. It’s not really allowed but no one says anything. Not even Kramer, who lives with the woman who more or less owns the corporation. Kramer basically runs this place. I’m not really sure what she does. But when she walks past, I always turn it off.

Sometimes they even show our company’s ad – in our ad a man in a park carries a woman over a huge puddle. Then there’s a slogan and our logo.

Pause.

It’s strange. It’s like it’s nicked from somewhere. In any case the ad’s been on for over a year and it’s time for a new ad: maybe something completely different – something that has more to do with me – or with our products. I mean – I don’t get the connection.

We usually work shifts in twos. I’m often on duty with Maria. Maria sees the ad very differently. She likes the ad. But I’d like something with more action. I like action films. Or thrillers.

Maria and I talk a lot about the things we watch on TV while we’re doing our shift. About the couples in the films for example. I mean: in real life it’s just different. People don’t just get together. It’s rare that two people meet and then bang, they fall in love. It hardly ever happens. Or that a man in a park carries a woman over a huge puddle like in our ad. When does that happen? ‘Right? Right?’ I say and turn to Maria.‘I mean just look at you and me. I don’t carry you across any puddles either.’ And then she laughs.

1.1.

A top executive’s office. ANGELIKA and SABINE are sitting facing each other.

ANGELIKA. I’m glad you’re here.

Short pause.

I’m pleased. I was very curious how you – I’m sorry you had to wait those ten minutes. I’m really very pleased.

SABINE. You don’t have to reassure me. I’m not nervous.

ANGELIKA. There’s no reason to be nervous.

SABINE. Yes, there is. But I’m not.

ANGELIKA. No? I am, a little.

SABINE. You?

ANGELIKA. Yes, certainly.

Pause.

SABINE. Spare me.

ANGELIKA. What?

SABINE. These pleasantries. We don’t need to make small talk here.

ANGELIKA. Is that what I’m doing?

SABINE. We both know there’s a conflict here.

ANGELIKA. Maybe we assess the – situation differently.

SABINE. You say you’re pleased I’m here.

ANGELIKA. Yes –

SABINE. You say you’re sorry I had to wait outside in the corridor with your secretary. But none of that’s true. You’re not sorry. To make someone wait for more than five minutes is a subliminal act of aggression. You know that very well.

Pause.

ANGELIKA. Ok. I hope my secretary explained why you had to wait. I still had to –

SABINE. You’re trying to establish a certain climate of conversation here. You’re trying to establish an atmosphere of friendliness, helpfulness and warmth which is completely inappropriate. You say you’re nervous although that’s probably not true. You’re only doing that to relax the situation.

But the situation can’t be relaxed. No matter how you ‘assess the situation’. There are obviously two different interests at stake here, and they don’t meet.

ANGELIKA. Just a moment. Hang on.

SABINE. No –

ANGELIKA. Yes –

SABINE. It’s completely –

ANGELIKA. Stop.

SABINE. So far the whole course of this conversation –

ANGELIKA. Stop.

SABINE stands up if she was sitting. No –

ANGELIKA. Sabine!

Short pause.

Can we begin to talk now?

Short pause.

SABINE. As you like. Go on.

1.2.

ANGELIKA. To throw the coffee in her face was a gaffe. A lapse in control. But she didn’t deserve any better. That p...