New Labour (NHB Modern Plays)

Marcelo Dos Santos

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2016
• ISBN:
  9781780018300
• Topic: Littérature
• Subtopic: Théâtre britannique

Getting pissed, getting laid, getting by.

The adventures and misadventures of a group of graduates working in a North London call centre: Alice wants to be a singer, Liam wants to travel, Rob wants to make a killing and Sally's been there too long but it's okay, it's not forever, is it? Is it?

New Labour is a comedy drama about being young, working in a shit job, living in debt, and all the funny and sad things you do to cope. It's about the modern workforce – the children of New Labour; their hopes, their realities.

First performed by students of the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts, London, in 2014, directed by Richard Wilson, it provides rich opportunities for drama schools and youth theatre groups to perform.

ACT ONE

Spring

ALICE (twenty-one, pretty, northern) sits entwined with LIAM (twenty-one, slightly geeky) on the sofa in the ‘break out’ area of the space.

ALICE. No!

LIAM. Yes!

ALICE. You?

LIAM. Me.

ALICE. You? Liam?

LIAM (Tarzan impression). Me Liam, you Alice.

Beat.

ALICE. Fucking hell.

LIAM. I know.

ALICE. On your own?

LIAM. Yeah.

ALICE. That’s just. That’s just. On your own? You’re not going with Rob?

LIAM. No. I was going to go with my mate Steve from back home but he keeps bailing and I thought: fuck it.

ALICE. I can’t even go to the loo on my own. South America?

LIAM. Colombia, but then Bolivia, Argentina / Peru, Brazil –

ALICE. Do you speak Spanish?

LIAM. No.

ALICE. What the fuck?

LIAM. I know.

ALICE. You?

LIAM. Yes me, why not me?

ALICE. Well you know you’re not very –

LIAM. Exciting?

ALICE. Adventurous. You’re my hamster, aren’t you?

LIAM. I’ve had enough of my wheel. I’m making a break for it.

ALICE. What will you do?

LIAM. I’m going to teach in a school in Colombia.

ALICE. Oh my God are you going to save the world?

LIAM. No, obviously but I want to do something. I want to help. But after that who knows? The open road.

ALICE. Get you. The open road. You can’t even drive.

LIAM. I’ll learn.

ALICE. You seem different.

LIAM. I feel different.

ALICE. What do you feel?

LIAM. I feel. I feel real, you know?

ALICE. No, no I don’t.

LIAM. You do.

ALICE. I don’t.

LIAM. It feels good.

ALICE. I bet. (Beat.) Have you told anyone else yet?

LIAM. No. Just you.

Beat.

ALICE. I don’t want you to go.

Beat.

LIAM. Come with me then.

ALICE. No. To Colombia? No.

LIAM. Why not?

ALICE. I can’t. No money.

LIAM. Credit card.

ALICE. It’s so far.

LIAM. That’s what’s brilliant.

ALICE. I look like a drug mule.

LIAM laughs.

It’s true, I do. I’ll get caught and end up in jail for sixty years.

LIAM. Well, just try not to smuggle cocaine.

ALICE. I know but sometimes they / sneak it into your suitcase and you don’t even know it.

LIAM. Who’s they?

ALICE. It’s the kind of daft thing that would happen to me.

LIAM. I don’t think it will.

ALICE. I can’t risk it.

She rests on him.

I mean what would I even do?

LIAM. Work in the school with me. There’s beaches and turtles. There are cities in the middle of the jungle, which are above the cloud line. Can you imagine that?

ALICE. Your face then.

LIAM. What?

ALICE. Go to Colombia, Liam. Climb a mountain. Save the children.

LIAM. Well they are our future.

ALICE. And shag Shakira for me.

LIAM. Okay, if I have to.

ALICE. You do.

Pause.

LIAM. I was just thinking: I’ve got some money saved, if you did want to go I could lend you some.

ALICE. Liam!

LIAM. It’s alright. It’s cheaper going with someone, you can split things.

ALICE. Don’t be daft, I was ju...