Dry Powder

Sarah Burgess

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN: 9781848427280
• eBook ISBN: 9781788500029
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: American Drama
• Index: Literature

'Do we work in public relations? Because I'm starting to feel like I accidentally work in public relations.'

Private equity fund manager Rick has just thrown a lavish engagement party – the same week that his firm forced layoffs in a supermarket chain it owns, causing a PR nightmare.

His business partner Seth jumps to the rescue with a publicity-friendly investment that will save an American company and promote job growth.

But Jenny – the firm's third partner – has other ideas. She wants maximum returns, no matter what the critics say…

Dry Powder is a razor-sharp comedy about the people who shape – and skew – the economy. It was first performed at the Public Theater, New York, before its UK premiere at Hampstead Theatre in 2018, starring Hayley Atwell, Aidan McArdle and Tom Riley.

'Frighteningly funny… timely play' Variety

'Burgess writes smart dialogue that crackles' Deadline

1.

Friday.

KMM Capital Management. Midtown Manhattan.

RICK reads something on his phone.

JENNY enters RICK’s office.

JENNY. You wanted to see me?

RICK. Yes.

JENNY. Is this about Landmark Luggage? I saw you stop into Seth’s meeting. I have some thoughts on that.

RICK. Are you speaking to a finance class at NYU?

JENNY. Oh. Yes. In two weeks.

RICK. Why are you speaking to a finance class at NYU?

JENNY. Remember that consultant we brought in on American Saddle? Baljeet Nair? Orthopedic shoe, skin issues.

RICK. No.

JENNY. He teaches finance undergrads at NYU now. He asked me to come in and speak to them.

RICK. About what?

JENNY. He said to talk about whatever I want.

RICK. You will not say whatever you want.

JENNY. Why not?

RICK. What are you planning to say?

JENNY. I only have a rough draft at this stage.

RICK. Let me hear it please.

JENNY. What?

RICK. Please let me hear what you’re going to say to a roomful of college kids with video-recording devices while I am getting eviscerated daily because of this goddamn layoff announcement.

JENNY. Oh. Wait are you serious?

RICK. Yes Jenny.

JENNY. Why would we do that with our time?

RICK. Because they’re going after our LPs now – that’s all of our investors.

JENNY. Of course they’re protesting, that’s what unemployed people do.

RICK. Well they’re doing it outside the Beckwith office today. Howard just had his coffee slapped out of his hand.

JENNY. They’re just a bunch of socialists and whack-jobs.

RICK. The media isn’t portraying them as whack-jobs.

JENNY. Of course not.

RICK. The media is portraying me as an unprecedented asshole.

JENNY. But who takes The New York Times seriously?

RICK. The Earth. The entire Earth.

JENNY. I meant: who in our world.

RICK. They were outside the Snyder office too. Did you know that? Gene’s car got surrounded.

JENNY. Is he okay?

RICK. I talked to Gene, he’s fine. It’s very clever, harassing our

LPs like this – they’re going right after our money. It’s a good thing the Gjertsons are based in Oslo.

JENNY. Our past two funds were top quartile. Legitimately top quartile. Our LPs aren’t going to abandon us because some jealous reporters made fun of your party elephants.

RICK. Elephant. There was just one.

JENNY. Thought I saw two.

RICK. Why does everyone think there were two?

JENNY. Were there mirrors in the ballroom?

RICK. Fucking elephant. I should’ve talked her out of it. She had to have an engagement party that tied thematically to the wedding.

JENNY. There’ll be elephants at your wedding?

RICK. No just because it’s in Bali.

JENNY. There are elephants in Bali?

RICK. Yes Jenny. I have a home there. I engage in philanthropy there.

JENNY. Okay.

RICK. I should have cancelled the goddamn party.

JENNY. Yeah. Successful people don’t deserve engagement parties. We should all just move to caves.

RICK. It is painfully obvious that you don’t understand how serious this is.

JENNY. No, I understand. I’m sure the protests are annoying our LPs, and I’m sure The Times article was upsetting for Katie.

RICK. Yes.

JENNY. But you’ve worked seventy hours a week for thirty years. You’ve earned every cent of your wealth. You’re allowed to have any kind of party you want.

RICK. That’s not the issue, Jenny. The issue was having the party on the exact day of the layoff announcement.

JENNY. The layoffs were inevitable. It’s not your fault ShopGreat allowed itself to be commandeered by unions.

RICK. That is also not the issue. This is about timing and perception. And boy, do you not have talent in either of those areas.

JENNY. It’s not a lack of talent. It’s being rational. I don’t waste time trying to prevent outcomes I can’t change.

RICK. I could have changed the outcome.

JENNY. How?

RICK. I could have listened to Seth. He told me to cancel the party. But you advised me not to. Which is hilarious, because you don’t even enjoy parties.

JENNY. Sure I do.

RICK. No you don’t.

JENNY. It was very fun.

RICK. I don’t want to hear any more about the party.

JENNY. I apologize.

RICK. And on top of this unbelievable nightmare, Xu Wei called again.

JENNY. He did?

RICK. Wanted us to fly to Hong Kong. Can you imagine if that got out in the press?

JENNY. How much?

RICK. He wanted to commit fifty-five million. I told him the fund’s closed.

JENNY. I mean fifty-five million’s / fifty-five million.

RICK. / I said Wei, do not call here again. You are an international joke. And particularly right now, I do not need to be doing business with a corrupt asshole like you.

JENNY. Oh, wow, you said that?

RICK. I wasn’t quite that polite.

JENNY. Was he upset?

RICK. I don’t want him calling anymore.

JENNY. I heard Lakeshire’s taking a commitment from him.

RICK. Of course they are. They’re classless. Everyone knows where his money comes from.

JENNY. Can we talk about Landmark Luggage? What’s the price?

RICK. We will talk about that later.

JENNY. I bet it’s seven-hundred million at least. I had one of my analysts take one of Seth’s analysts out for bibimbap so he could pump him for data on Landmark’s assets. Did you know Landmark owns a jet and huge building in downtown Sacramento?

RICK. So it’ll be easier to raise debt.

JENNY. Okay but even if it’s highly leveraged, I’m not seeing this as worthwhile.

RICK. It looks like an intriguing opportunity. You know how good Seth is at finding unique deals.

JENNY. I don’t know that that’s how I’d put it.

RICK. Oh you don’t? How about this? When it comes to bringing me targets, he’s about a thousand times more effective than you are. Now tell me what you’re going to say at NYU.

JENNY. My notes are i...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Contents
• Original Production
• Characters
• Dry Powder
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information