BAM! Boys Advocacy and Mentoring

A Leader’s Guide to Facilitating Strengths-Based Groups for Boys - Helping Boys Make Better Contact by Making Better Contact with Them

Peter Mortola, Howard Hiton, Stephen Grant

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2011
• eBook ISBN:
  9781135893989
• Topic: Psicología
• Subtopic: Psicología del desarrollo

Over the past decade, our understanding of the fundamental differences in child development, behavior, and emotional maturity between boys and girls has increased dramatically, and as a result, many gender-specific interventions and support programs have been developed to meet the needs of parents, teachers, and mental health professionals. However, these all take the form of responses designed to minimize an already disruptive behavior pattern. What has been needed is a pro-active program whose goal is to instill positive skills and patterns in 'at-risk' boys, rather than waiting to address problems after they are already visible.

The BAM! Boys Advocacy and Mentoring program fills this need by providing the first guidebook for group facilitators who want to lead preventative boys groups designed to foster communication skills and emotional connections. Based on years of research and refined over the course of countless sessions run by the authors, the program has been field-tested and tailored for use either in the school setting or outside. Over a series of group sessions, participants are encouraged to understand their emotions and interpersonal interactions without losing a sense of 'maleness' as a result of emotional growth and communication with peers about personal issues. The activities are designed to be engaging across age groups, and the individual exercises and program structure can be modified to fit into any existing school- or community-based mentoring system. The guidebook contains all of the information and tools a facilitator needs in order to implement and maintain these boys groups.

BAM! Example

Week 1: Lost in the Woods

“Cool,” one of the boys says as he files into the room for our first group meeting, “how do you draw like that?” He is commenting on a butcher-paper poster that Peter is making on the floor. The poster reads, in big block letters, “FIFTH-GRADE BOYS BAM! GROUP,” and is being decorated with lots of colors. Before long, all nine boys have arrived (two more will join us next week) and have found a place to sit on one of the beanbag cubes that circle the small room. There is an easy chatter as they munch on the lunches they have brought with them and as they notice other boys they know in the group. We as leaders smile at each boy as he comes in and try to put a name to each face we see. In a few minutes, we will begin a name game using the colorful poster lying on the floor, but for now the poster serves the purpose of metaphorically “drawing the boys around the fire.”

When all nine boys and all three leaders have assembled and found seats, Stephen begins by welcoming everyone. Because he works as a school counselor at Meadow Elementary School where our meetings are being held (we use a fictional name for the school, as we do for all the names of the boys mentioned in this narrative), he knows and has recruited each of the boys that surround us now. Many of the boys know about the boys groups that have been offered in years past and were eager to join this time around. Some of the other boys have been recommended by their teacher or by the principal for various reasons. A few of the boys struggle with making and keeping friends, others have had very difficult home lives, and all of them can benefit from feeling a sense of belonging to a supportive group of peers.

“This is the fifth year we are offering boys groups at Meadow,” Stephen says in his introduction, “because we think that boys at your age are learning to be really competitive and aggressive with each other, but that you don’t really get a chance to be supportive and cooperative together. Boys learn early in life to use put-downs and act like they don’t care about a lot of important things, but here in this group we want to give you a chance to practice making friends and being part of a team that works together, faces challenges, and has fun. How does that sound?” Most of the boys nod their heads in silent agreement after Stephen speaks and then listen attentively as Howard begins to speak:

I want us to play a name game so we all can remember each other’s names. I want you to come up with a nickname for yourself and Peter will write it down on the poster for us to remember you by. So I’ll go first, I’ll be Helpin’ Howard because I’m a counselor and I like to help people.

Some of the boys know immediately what they want to be called, but some of the other boys get stuck trying to come up with a nickname. In these cases, some of the other boys try to offer nicknames to one another, and some of the better ones stick. In other cases, though, the nicknames offered are rejected. Edward, for example, rejects Easy Edward and instead chooses Edward Elephant—which is interesting because Edward is originally from India, having been adopted by parents in the United States. After each boy comes up with his nickname, Howard leads the boys in a double clap, followed by the group stating aloud each boy’s name and nickname (e.g., clap, clap, “Helpin’ Howard”!). A constellation of all the boys’ names and nicknames eventually appears around the edge of the poster:

Crazy Curtis

Cool Keith

Edward Elephant

Dirtbikin’ Drake

JoJo Jesus

Sleepin’ Sorin

Theo Thundergod

Juvenile James

Ice Skatin’ Isaiah

We as adult leaders also pick a name for ourselves, following Howard’s lead. Stephen becomes Skateboardin’ Stephen and Peter becomes Guitar Pickin’ Peter. After the name game is complete, Howard states: “I want to tell you a story about when I was in fifth grade….” This statement catches the boys’ attention, and they listen as he continues:

I was about 10 years old. I was always a poor athlete, a little slow, husky, and uncoordinated. I struck out most times at bat in little league. Mostly kids liked me anyway because I was a good team supporter.

One time we were playing at the field at Sharp Corners School, and I came up to bat and swung and I hit the ball but nobody could find it! My coach started yelling, “Run, Howie, run!” I got to first base and paused while the outfielders, infielders, and the other team’s coaches were looking around for the ball. Still no ball! Each base I got to … 2nd, 3rd. The same thing! I would pause, but still there was no ball! Now the fans were yelling at me to keep running. Everyone was involved. Eventually, they waved me home and I scored. Moments later, the opposing coach found the ball lodged underneath the catcher’s chest protector where it landed after my foul tip!

I remember having a mix of feelings that day. I was happy that I scored, but I was also sort of humiliated that it had happened that way. Still, everyone got a good laugh out of it. I wanted to tell you this story because I know not all of you are great athletes, and I wanted you to know that I wasn’t a great athlete either. But I did have a sense of humor and kids liked me for that. What I imagine is that each of you has special strengths and talents that we will get to see as our group goes on over the next few weeks.

After Howard completes his story, Stephen begins his own personal story to introduce himself to the group. By this time, the boys are fully engaged in what is happening. They shift their attention from Howard to Stephen and listen quietly while they munch on their sandwiches, some with slightly slack jaws as they listen. Story time for fifth graders. Stephen begins:

I grew up in New York. In the fifth grade, I played on a Little League team. Lots of my friends were on my team, the Tigers. But my friend Jeffrey Ferrara played on another team, the Lions. He was their pitcher and the Lions were the best team in the league. Jeffrey was very athletic but a little shy. He was a great pitcher.

One day, we had a game against the Lions, and Jeffrey was pitching. For some reason, Jeffrey was not having a good day at the mound, and we were hitting a lot of his pitches. It was clear that Jeffrey was shaken by all the hits, and my team decided to take advantage of this. They started chanting, “We want a pit-cher, not a belly-itcher!” If Jeffrey was rattled before, he was completely shaken up now. He was looking more and more like he might cry as my teammates yelled louder and louder, “We want a pit-cher, not a belly-itcher!”

Because Jeffrey was my friend, I felt really bad for him. I wanted to win the game but not at the expense of my friend’s humiliation. When I couldn’t watch or listen any more, I stood up on the bench behind my teammates and yelled, “Leave him alone! That’s enough you guys! That’s enough!” My teammates and coach looked at me like I was crazy, but they stopped chanting.

That was my last season playing organized sports, but Jeffrey remained my friend. Many years later, when we were talking about this story, my stepfather, who was watching the game, said to me, “At that moment, I knew that you would never be a professional ballplayer.”

I think I told you this story because it says a little bit about the conflicts that I faced as a boy and that I think most boys face. They want to be friends with each other, but sometimes they are almost forced to be mean to each other. In this group, I hope we can face some challenges together as a team and also be friends with each other afterward.

When Stephen finishes his story, Peter tells the boys that he is not going to tell a story of his own this week, but that he will have one for next week. “No! Come on, tell your story now!” said Edward, one of the boys who has been described to us by his mother as immature. Peter is touched that Edward would want to hear his story. He also realizes at this moment that we as adult leaders have managed to hook the boys with our personal stories. In the weeks to come, our storytelling will continue to be a powerful tool we will use to make personal contact with the boys and also to convey many of the ideas we wish the boys to learn. This is the use of stories to convey curriculum.

Instead of telling a story, Peter tells the boys a little bit more about the history of the boys groups at Meadow Elementary School. He describes how, for the past 5 years, one of the goals of the boys groups has been to work toward a special event at the end of the 2 months that is an exciting final challenge for the boys. He goes on to say:

Two years ago, we took the boys on a final, full-day adventure involving canoes and a trip across the Willamette River to Ross Island. We had a picnic, we had rock-throwing contests, we looked for eagles, and we had a treasure hunt using compasses. However, on the way back from that big adventure on the island, one of the canoes tipped over and three of the boys ended up in the water. They were all wearing life jackets, of course, but the rest of the boys really had to work together as a team to help everyone safely to shore. We all made it back in one piece, and it was actually a really good way to see how far we had come as a group and how much we were able to work together as a team.

In telling this story, Peter wants to elicit in the boys a sense of excitement as well as a sense of seriousness about the challenge of building a strong group together. Peter next tells the boys, “We have a challenge for you to participate in right now.” The boys, finished with their lunches and by now excited to move, jump to their feet and stand against one of the walls as Peter hushes them into silence and tells them the following imagined scenario:

You are all lost in the woods! You have been lost for 3 days without any food other than the grubs you have found under logs and you have had no water except for the dew you have collected from leaves in the morning. You are hungry and thirsty and you each have 5 bucks in your pockets that you would love to spend on a hamburger and a milkshake somewhere.

Suddenly, after 3 long days, you come to the edge of the forest and there it is! Right across the meadow is a Burgerville! You rush to get to it, but one of you jumps back with a shriek after getting shocked by an electric fence that stands between you and your first burger all week!

Your challenge as a group is the following: You must get everyone in your group safely over this electric fence [Peter points to a piece of red yarn we have tied about 4 feet off the ground, stretching over a 2-inchthick gym mat]. There are a few rules: You many not touch or go under the fence and you may not throw anyone over the fence. In fact, you must stay in physical contact with the person going over the fence at all times. Be gentle.

Oh look! Here are three kindly farmers to help you on this side of the fence [Peter points to himself, Stephen, and Howard, all with big smiles on their faces and arms outstretched to help them on their crossing]. Now take a few moments to plan amongst yourselves how you will get everyone over the fence safely before you attempt this dangerous crossing.

The boys excitedly begin throwing out ideas to one another. James almost immediately suggests, “Let’s have someone big get down on their knees as a stepladder for the rest of us.” Theo adds, “But we all have to take off our shoes first!” We as leaders are watching carefully to see this first example of group dynamics at work: Who emerges as a leader? Who stays quiet? Who has good ideas but is not listened to? Before long, one boy at a time is stepping gently onto the back of another and being helped over the “electric fence” by the group of boys and adults, all working together. There is much excitement, and, as more boys gather on the far side of the fence, the leaders back off and let the boys help each other on both sides of the fence.

When everyone has completed the task (an adult “farmer” has miraculously appeared on the boys’ side of the fence to help the last boy over), enough time remains in the first hour session to ask the boys what they experienced in this first activity. Sorin comments seriously that he “really had to trust everyone.” Drake seconds that thought, stating, “It was little bit scary but everyone was really helping.”

Howard mentions in closing that today the boys showed that they could both listen attentively as well as act in supportive ways with one another. “We only have four main rules for this group,” he states. “Be respect...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half Title
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Series Editor’s Foreword
• BAM! Introduction
• BAM! Orientation
• BAM! Example
• BAM! Instructions
• BAM! Appendix
• Index