I Don't Agree

Why we can't stop fighting – and how to get great stuff done despite our differences

Michael Brown

• Publisher: Harriman House
• Year: 2020
• eBook ISBN: 9780857197665
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Leadership
• Index: Business

Did you know you're likely to have had over 89,000 heated altercations with your closest relations before you reached the age of eight? By age 16, thousands more hours will have been spent by most of us in some form of disagreement with those in our extended social networks. As a species, we're well practised at falling out with each other. We may even have a gene for it – certainly, some of us seem to be gifted. When it comes to finding resolutions, however, things don't come quite so naturally: as much as 90% of all inter-personal conflicts never reach agreement. But it doesn't have to be this way.I Don't Agree is a fascinating exploration of new, powerful and surprising solutions to an ancient problem: why we disagree so much. It shows how to sidestep our animosities and get great things done, despite our differences.Underpinned by cutting-edge research and academic thinking (as well as fascinating real-life case studies and easy-to-use tools), author and marketeer Michael Brown reveals the eye-opening secrets that can lead to better leadership, stronger teams, swifter promotions, more effective collaboration, better organisational culture – as well as radically improving your life outside of work.

I Don’t Agree

Why we can’t stop fighting – and how to get great stuff done despite our differences

Michael Brown

Contents

Preface: A Guide to This Book

Introduction: We Can’t Go on Like This

Step one: Do the Maths

Step two: Be More Finch

Step three: Drop the C-bomb

Step four: Take the Pride Diet

Step five: Woman Up

Step six: Check That Smile

Step seven: Go East

Step eight: Untie the Animosity Blindfold

Step nine: Ask Someone Else

Step ten: Assume the Position

I Don’t Agree

References

Acknowledgements

Publishing details

Praise for I Don’t Agree

“In an age where rage is all the rage, here’s a manual for how we can agree to disagree and move forward. A pacey read written with hope, heart and a very welcome sense of humour.”

– Victoria Harper, Features Director, Daily Telegraph.

“I Don’t Agree is a thought-provoking killer book that is well crafted, hugely entertaining and full of insight about how to reach agreement with people who would ordinarily disagree with you. It’s the perfect handbook for any negotiator’s toolbox.”

– Lt. Jack Cambria (ret.) NYPD Hostage Negotiation Team Commander (2001–2015).

“If the art of advertising is to inform and persuade, then this book’s arrival at a point when we are beginning to reimagine how we work, and how we behave to build a better world could not be better timed. I loved this book and I’m certain you won’t need to work in advertising to feel the same.”

– Tessa Gooding, Director of Communications, Institute of Practitioners in Advertising.

“This book has the potential to change the way we think about conflict – from coaching children to solve the smallest niggles to negotiating compromises that keep the peace. A practical and down-to-earth guide to getting over ourselves.”

– Jules Chappell OBE, CEO at HUMAN London & Partners. Former ambassador to Guatemala, conflict advisor to the British Embassy in Addis Ababa, Young Global Leader at the World Economic Forum and special advisor for women’s rights to the Coalition Governance Team in Baghdad (2003–04).

“The challenges faced by humanity require us to learn new ways to debate, negotiate and find solutions. This book is not just a great resource for diplomats, but for anyone who needs to be part of those arguments. And that is all of us.”

– Tom Fletcher, former British ambassador to Lebanon, Visiting Professor of International Relations at New York University and author of The Naked Diplomat.

“In an increasingly polarised – and seemingly angry – society, it would seem eminently sensible to think hard about how we collaborate and communicate better with our fellow humans; at work, at home and in public discourse. Michael’s book takes a fresh look at positive discussion and vital negotiating skills.”

– Danny Rogers, Editor-in-Chief, PRWeek.

Preface: A Guide to This Book

Did you know you’re likely to have had over 89,000 heated altercations with your closest relations before you reached the age of eight? By age 16, thousands more hours will have been spent by most of us in some form of disagreement with those in our extended social networks. As a species, we’re well-practised at falling out with each other.

We may even have a gene for it – certainly, some of us seem to be gifted.

When it comes to finding resolutions, however, things don’t come quite so naturally: as much as 90% of all interpersonal conflicts never reach agreement.

No wonder there’s so much aggro in the world.

Why is this problem so persistent? It turns out that disagreement often escalates when you try to sort it out: research has shown that people in dispute typically assume their own motivations are true and just – the deadlocks that prevent everyone moving forward are likely to be blamed on the other side by both sides – a phenomenon known as attribution bias.

World leaders falling out over tariffs on steel exports are hamstrung by the same problem as kids negotiating their claim to the last fried-egg Haribo in the family-sized pack.

Ultimately the issue is an inability to see things from the other side. But putting yourself in your opponent’s position puts another option on the table – the possibility of reaching a meaningful and honourable compromise.

If only compromise were not such a dirty word. There are many in business and politics who deride those prepared to reach for the middle ground as weak – lacking in vision, goals, ambition.

Meanwhile those who take a tough and uncompromising position are celebrated. But only when they win. Ask yourself this: if you needed to appoint someone to best represent your interests in a negotiation, what sort of qualities would you most like to see? Chances are you’d pick a tough, uncompromising candidate. As a result, you’re likely to be disappointed by the outcome.

The issue with what in business terms would be called a compromise agreement, is that all the players in the drama are never completely satisfied with the final position. Contrast that with a classic winner-takes-all binary argument: some people are ecstatic with the outcome and others are left in a pit of despair.

But what if there’s another option?

What if there actually was a way for people to firmly say ‘I don’t agree’ and yet ultimately still arrive at a genuine consensus? And what if this approach to conflict also gave people a way to get things done despite being in opposition?

Imagine a toolbox that allowed us to get on with solving problems while recognising our differences, whatever the argument, whatever the negotiation: from equality to the environment, from pay rises to promotion, from gender to geopolitics.

Well, that’s my hope for I Don’t Agr...

Table of contents

• Contents
• Preface: A Guide to This Book
• Introduction: We Can’t Go on Like This
• Step one: Do the Maths
• Step two: Be More Finch
• Step three: Drop the C-bomb
• Step four: Take the Pride Diet
• Step five: Woman Up
• Step six: Check That Smile
• Step seven: Go East
• Step eight: Untie the Animosity Blindfold
• Step nine: Ask Someone Else
• Step ten: Assume the Position
• I Don’t Agree
• References
• Acknowledgements
• Publishing details