The Joyful Caregiver

8 Steps to Prevent Caregiver Burnout

Josephine Grace

• Publisher: Morgan James Publishing
• Year: 2020
• ISBN:
  9781631950520
• Topic: Medicina
• Subtopic: Trabajo social

The Joyful Caregiver teaches how to be the best caregiver for a loved one in order to help fight their chronic illness.

Author, speaker, teacher, and caregiver Josephine Grace uses The Graceful Process™ within The Joyful Caregiver to bring ease and comfort to caregivers and their loved one as they get the care and help they need to fight their chronic illness. For those who are serious about dedicating a portion of their life to the service of a family member who is facing chronic illness, The Joyful Caregiver is for them. Within its pages, caregivers learn how to:

• Help their loved one beat their chronic disease through clear and informative practice
• Communicate clearly with doctors and prevent medical errors with their care
• Get extra support and resources when they need them
• Care for themselves in the process and be guilt free
• Make decisions coming from love rather than fear
• Stay strong and give their loved one the support and care they need, no matter how hard it gets

Chapter 1:

TIME IS RUNNING OUT!

Caregivers go through more than they will tell you. They give up a lot and rarely have a social life. They can get sick and emotionally worn out. It’s a lot for one person. We never really know until we walk the path of a caregiver ourselves.

- Understanding Compassion

I wrote this book for you. I understand and know what you’re going through. The experience of being a caregiver can be complex, confusing, and challenging, but it can also be rewarding when you are provided with resources, tools, and support.

Meet Serena, whom I’ve coached through her dad’s battle with cancer. She writes:

I am thirty-five years old, single, self-employed, and mourning my mom’s death. Truth be told, I don’t think I have time to mourn her death. My dad was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, and now I’ve become his advocate and caregiver. I need to be a pillar of strength for him. I wonder what it’s like to lose your spouse after fifty years of marriage? He’s become more devout to his faith, and my relationship with God has certainly deepened during these trying times. Every morning and every night, my dad and I talk, and before bed, we speak on the phone and pray together. I look forward to the calls with my dad.

I promised Mom, right before she transitioned over to the next realm, that I would take good care of dad. This past year has been extremely challenging. I had a nervous breakdown. My ex fiancé broke off our engagement (over the phone, I might add!). I was laid off work (wrongful dismissal according to my lawyer, but I was too distraught to fight it). My mom had been in and out of hospitals (I was by her bedside most of the time when I wasn’t at work), and my dad’s health deteriorated. But I had to keep it together for them. Being a caregiver for your parents isn’t easy, and I’ve burned my candle at both ends many times.

Years ago, I took a trip to Costa Rica for four months to recharge. It’s difficult now to take any trips because my dad depends on me. He’s in a fragile state, and I made a promise to my mom that I would be by his side and take good care of him. I don’t exactly agree with the radiation cancer treatment. I’ve been down this road before with Mom and her prescriptions protocol. How can radiation and prescription drugs build your immune system? There’s no way! They suppress the symptoms; they don’t do anything with dealing with the root cause! It actually does the opposite. These doctors aren’t even open to the alternatives! They look at me like I’m from Mars when I even bring up any alternative medicine approaches. “Dad, there are other alternatives to cure you from cancer.” I’ve had these conversations often. He just wants to heal from his pain and discomfort at this point. He made the decision to go with the radiation and surgery route, and although I don’t agree, I need to stay strong and support him. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to have fun. I keep thinking about my mom. I knew she was going to pass away that night and yet I chose to leave the hospital because I was exhausted. Thankfully, I convinced my brother to stay by mom’s bedside. I wasn’t surprised when I received the phone call at 5:00 am the next morning.

I spend most of my time in survival mode, trying to find ways to pay my bills and be the best caregiver for my dad. That’s the beauty of being an entrepreneur. I set my own time and schedule because I need to be flexible for all the doctors’ appointments and time spent with dad. My social life is on hold. I don’t have a television, and most of my spare time I read inspirational self-help books, entrepreneur business startup books, or anything to do with self-improvement and having a healthy lifestyle. I love going for long walks with my dog, spending time in nature, and reflecting on life. Talking with God often has become a priority. He always has my back, and I’m grateful for that. How am I going to stay strong for my dad? I don’t want to have another breakdown. How can I be the best caregiver for him? How do I support his decision for conventional methods when there’s a whole world out there that he hasn’t tapped into? All these questions run through my head all the time! I barely sleep.

Serena came to me distraught and asking for help. She wanted to know how to better handle taking care of her dad so she could help him beat cancer. I started this journey with her, met her where she was, and helped her create a road map with tools and resources to help her dad get the care and support he needed to defeat cancer. In the process, she reconnected with herself and spirit, became self-compassionate, and experienced acceptance and healing. Her levels of anxiety and panic attacks went away, and her dad received the support he needed to navigate his journey.

Maybe your story sounds like Serena’s. Maybe you’re a caregiver for a loved one who is chronically sick or has a chronic disease. The wisdom in this book can be applied to all caregivers and their loved ones. The action steps Serena took to better handle taking care of her dad are the same steps that can be applied in your life to better care for yourself and your loved one. These are wellness principles and skills that you will use for the rest of your life.

Today, Serena is doing well. She’s a vibrant entrepreneur and wellness advocate living her best life and helping others do the same. She started her journey on her own until she realized she could ask for support. This can be you: implementing new ways to handle your loved one’s care so that they receive the help they need to defeat the disease and you live your best life possible during your caregiving journey.

Chapter 2:

HOW DO I TAKE BETTER CARE OF MY LOVED ONE?

“The capacity to care is the thing that gives life its deepest significance and meaning.”

- Pablo Casals

Nine months ago, my friend Patty died, and I didn’t even know she was sick. She had cancer. I found out a week before she died that she was in palliative care at the hospital from a mutual friend. I don’t know why this hit me hard, but it did. I felt the pain and suffering that my friend was going through. You see, nine years ago, my dad passed away with cancer. And what Patty and I shared is we were caregivers for our parents. There was always a bond between Patty and I. We would share conversations and discuss the challenges of being a caregiver. We always thought we were alone in this process until we realized it was one we shared. It was a difficult journey.

Patty died of cancer on her forty-fourth birthday. I didn’t even know she was suffering! I would have loved to have a conversation about this with her and to be there for her when she needed it most. But, I didn’t have that opportunity. I only communicate with her now through the ether. At the same time, our mutual friend Stef was in pain and suffering too. She didn’t forgive Patty for something years before, and she held a grudge for so long, even when Patty reached out several times to apologize and ask for forgiveness. However, Stef was stubborn and chose not to forgive her. So when Stef called me with the news that Patty was in the hospital, she was upset and sad that she didn’t have the opportunity to speak with Patty. You see, she did go to the hospital to visit Patty when she found out the severity of her illness. Patty only had limited time to live. At the door, she was stopped by Patty’s mom, who basically yelled at her and told her to leave. “How dare you come to the hospital when Patty’s on her death bed. Where were you all these years? You treated my daughter so poorly, even when she reached out to you. You caused her so much pain and grief, and now you’re here? Leave! You are not allowed to enter her room.” So, my friend left with remorse and tears down her face. To this day, she is still going through this and doesn’t have peace of mind which leads me back to why I wrote this book.

Cancer or any form of chronic disease is very challenging, especially if you’re advocating for a loved one. Essentially, as caregivers, you believe that their life depends on you. Living your life with that belief and burden is stressful. I’m here to share that I’ve been there. I understand what you’re going through. You’re not alone. I’ve gone through what you are going through now, and I want you to know that I’m here for you. This book will bring you a new level of awareness, a deeper understanding of the Power within you that is greater than any situation, condition, or circumstance. You have the opportunity to activate that Power within you and truly become a leader, advocating for you and your loved one’s life. Both of you matter in this process, and in order for you to understand this, you need someone who has gone through it before you to shed some light and provide you with a roadmap of options and considerations to help guide you on your loved one’s wellness journey. I’m here to love you and support you during this challenging time.

Disease is simply that—dis-ease. When you learn ways to release all dis-ease, through thoughts and lifestyle changes, you will welcome health, love, and happiness into your life. We often hear about self-love, yet we’ve never been exposed to it or learned ways to practice it for ourselves or others. For over twenty years, I’ve studied ways to better myself and to serve and help my parents, diving deep into why their dis-ease occurred in the first place and if it’s really true that genetics are the main driving force for health.

I’m thrilled to know today that there are many physicians and scientists who have discovered that this is not true. Genes aren’t the main driving force for health. We have the power to change our “disease reality” into “truth and wellbeing reality.” This is what I would love for you to experience, and I invite you to be open, do your own research, and know that there is an Infinite Intelligence that is breathing you, the same Intelligence that will help you through this difficult time and for the rest of your life. I’m here to support you and show you ways to activate this intelligence and power within you.

I was born a caregiver, so I was told by my mom. I always thought and believed this was true, so I lived my life choosing her needs before mine at times—not always, but when I didn’t, I felt guilty that I wasn’t choosing her needs first. I always had this either/or mentality. Twenty years later, after I met my mentor, Mary, I realized that there is a way to create both/and scenarios, and I want to teach and show you the way. This is what I would have loved to share with Patty, yet I wasn’t given the opportunity to help her. I’m given the opportunity to help you, so I’m doing this for you and for all the compassionate and devoted caregivers. This book will help reduce the stress in your life so that you can be a joyful caregiver and live your best life.

You may read some of this book and ask yourself, Can I do this? Would this really make a difference? Can my loved one really defeat disease? Well, let me share with you… When you agree with the prognosis and start living your life according to the prognosis, then the condition has already defeated you. In other words, the moment one hears that they have a dis-ease, they freak out, fear creeps in, and they start living or essentially dying. There isn’t peace of mind, only fear that becomes the driving force to their decisions and lifestyle. Essentially, they’ve given up. For a very long time, many have radically underestimated our body’s power to transform and restore back to health. I’m here to share never, ever, ever give up on yourself or your loved one! Our body has the power to heal and recover with the right support.

Over twenty years ago, my mother’s prognosis was she had six months to live. The doctor called me into her room and told me to prepare for the inevitable because my mom was going to die. I was furious with the doctor, and I yelled, “Who in the world do you think you are, God!? Unless you’re planning to kill her, you have no right to tell me she has six months to live!” And at that moment, I realized what had just come out of my mouth. I also want to share with you that from that moment forward, I was determined to up-level my research, determination, and willingness to help Mom live longer than six months. I just knew in my heart there was another way. That was the kick-start for my health and wellness journey. I read books, became a Reiki practitioner, studied nutrition, became an aromatherapist, and studied several healing modalities to help my mom through her journey, and be the best caregiver. I am grateful and appreciative to say that my mom lived for another twelve years! My caregiver journey then continued with my dad when he was diagnosed with cancer. He lived battling cancer for four years. The tools and strategies I learned to cope and navigate my mom’s health helped me through the caregiving challenges with my dad. These principles shared in this book, are lifelong skills that any caregiver can apply to their life.

Another important lesson I learned was the importance of creating a safe and supportive environment for our loved ones regardless of what we think is best for them. We can provide our loved ones with resources, information, and tools. We may also learn new ways of treating their condition which they may or may not agree to do. Ultimately, it is their decision, and we need to respect their wishes. Serena’s story is a great example—she did not agree with her father’s decision to do radiation and surgery. This alone can cause stress both for her and her family. She had to learn ways to respect and accept her parent’s wishes, regardless of what she felt was the right thing for them. No one can predict what could happen. There is a fine line between being someone’s health advocate while ensuring they have the help they need and want, and providing them with the best care possible, without giving up on them.

There is a way to live gracefully and experience happiness in your life on this difficult journey navigating disease with your loved one. I’m not here to tell you it’s easy or that you should be content that your loved one has a chronic condition. I’m here to share with you ways to reduce the stress and be compassionate, resilient, joyful and empowered.

If you practice these steps, you, along with those around you, will see the transformation of light, love, compassion, and improved relationships. You will find the Power within you to help you through the turbulent times. You will have tools and strategies to ensure your loved one receives the care and help they need. You will be guided to the best ways to handle your self-care and encouraged to make yourself a priority. Your health and life matters too! You can be joyful and prevent caregiver burnout.

Chapter 3:

8 STEPS—THE GRACEFUL PROCESS^™

Congratulations on taking the first step toward victory! By simply choosing to read this book, you have taken a huge step toward transformation, joy and preventing burnout. You have chosen to take “time out” from your caregiving responsibilities to do something for yourself. This is often the most difficult step of all. Finding a way to make time to do this probably took a lot of effort, and you will soon begin to see the rewards for your efforts.

Every day, the aging of a loved one presents immediate caregiving challenges to spouses, children, and other family members who are suddenly forced into the role of caregiver in the midst of chaos. In many cases, your need to serve as a caregiver will just be temporary until your loved one recovers. In other cases, however, you transition and serve as a longterm caregiver.

Short-term or long-term, all caregivers run the risk of burnout if they don’t care for themselves properly first in order to be able to effectively care for others. Caregivers are heroes, looking after loved on...