Mary and Me

Irene Kelleher

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN: 9781786824578
• eBook ISBN: 9781786824585
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

Ireland 1986. A teenage girl begins a series of conversations with a statue of the Virgin Mary in a grotto.

Inspired by a true story, Mary and Me is a compellingly original imagining of a young woman's search for understanding and meaning at a milestone in her life, and a rich and funny evocation of the Ireland of the 1980's.

The play opens in darkness:

We hear HANNAH’S first words offstage and then she appears on the stage, her head immersed in her maths book. She is wearing a navy uniform, light blue shirt and navy tie.

Lights up – Grotto. Day. June 4^th, 8 AM.

HANNAH: (Reading.) The Theory of Pythagoras. Theory of Pythagoras deals with the lengths of the sides of a right triangle. It is often written in the form of the equation: a2 + b2...

(Frustrated, she turns to the next page. Reading.) An isosceles triangle is a triangle with two congruent sides. If two angles of a triangle are congruent, the sides opposite them are congruent. Find X: 6x – 8 = 4x + 2...... AHHHHHH (Shuts book in frustration.)

HANNAH gets on her knees, closes her eyes and claps her hands together in prayer. Her speech is fast paced, slightly rambled.

Our Lady… Virgin Mother… Mary… Full of grace, blessed… Oh look, here are the facts.

I am dead…

Pause.

Dead. Dead. Dead if I don’t pass this exam. I tried to study Mary, honestly, I did try but I was so busy. And Sister Maria will KILL me if I don’t do well in this one. And you know, better than anyone, that she blabs everything to Mam in prayer group. Sour old hag. She’s had it in for me since she caught me with Peter in the art class… But I only brought him in as I needed to draw his face. He has a nice face. Great to draw, good bone structure. Anyway, I have to pass this exam or I won’t be allowed to stay in the extra art classes and I badly need to get my project finished. This might seem abrupt now but I promise you – I just tell it like it is. I don’t ask much of you, and I know you might think I’m ungrateful as I am only praying to you now… When I’m asking you a big favour but I PROMISE if I pass, I will… Pray more… And bring you some flowers as it’s looking a bit… Weedy. And I thought I’d ask yourself first rather than going straight to himself because, well you were a girl once. And you probably hated geometry… If you had to do it back then. They never say in religion class what you were good at, skills I mean. Well, other than being mammy to Jesus… And a virgin… But I mean, before Gabriel popped down to you and dropped the baby bombshell there must have been some subject or chore you absolutely hated? Well, that’s me and maths. I do not have a mathematical side to my brain.

(Turns and spots the statue of the kneeling Mary Magdalene.) And I thought you might be sick of looking down at poor old… (Pause.) Mary Magdalene praying up at you. Her knees must be killing her at this stage. I’m guessing she wasn’t asking to pass a maths test? She was in a lot more trouble than me, let me remind you! Don’t let her innocent face fool ya now, shur she was meant to have been a right scut. But she did okay in the end. (Talking to the statue of Mary Magdalene.) You did didn’t you? Ending up as Jesus’s favourite – not only that but a saint too. I’m not asking for sainthood or to be in Jesus’s top… Thirteen… I just need to pass this exam and I promise to study in future and to bring you something nice. Some nice… Blossoms or something, like in the song. (Hums the first bar of ‘Oh Mary we crown thee…’) Not sure if I can crown you with them though as you are up a bit high. Thanks Mary, I am counting on you! (Blessing herself.) In the name of the father, son, Holy Spirit – and the two Marys… Amen.

Gets up and brushes the dirt off her knees, looks up again at the statue.

You must get lonely up there, looking down, hidden away in this little corner. Well you’re so high you’ve the view of the road, so cars passing must be a bit of excitement. (With gusto.) And you must have a great view of the planes – ya lucky thing! Bird’s-eye view of them whizzing past. Oh and you have the ones on the hop from school and the smokers but I suppose they wouldn’t be your type. But maybe you’d like any bit of company? I bet you could tell some stories, if you could speak that is. I bet people tell you all sorts of secrets.

Much more exciting things than my maths problems. You’re an easy person to confess to because you don’t answer back, just smile away down at us all. A lot more appealing than Father Sweeney in that grotty confession box. Grumpy old sod. It’s like going into a coffin Mary. Those boxes – dark and creepy. And usually smelly. And no matter what I say he lobs the whole rosary on me in between his coughing fits. Not to mention Bridie Foley who nearly falls into the box trying to get a listen in, pretending she’s dropped something if I catch her in the act. But it would be lovely if we could confess to you here instead. What do you think Mary? Do we have a deal? If all goes well, I’ll be back with some flowers. (Looking up at statue.) You don’t look convinced. I mean what I say. You’re probably not used to that. I’ll leave this here so you know I mean business. (HANNAH takes off a bracelet and places it around Mary Magdalene’s hand.) I can’t reach yourself, so Mary junior will have to mind it. This is actually Joanna’s now mind, my baby sis, so I will need it back. It’s just a loan okay? See ye later, wish me luck!

Lighting change.

One week later – 4:30 PM.

Sound effect.

Lights come up.

Long pause as HANNAH walks back and looks up at Mary statue without saying anything.

Well, now Mary… Eh… I’ve no idea what your surname is? Mary ‘Christ’? Shur that can’t be right. Ah, you’re so important you only need the one, like Blondie and Prince. Or Madonna! Maybe you really did hear me last week because it went great Mary. I passed! Even though I did no study. (Realising this wasn’t what she told Mary the last time.) Well I did try, somehow I was able to ans...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Table of contents
• Chapter 1
• Chapter 2
• Chapter 3
• Chapter 4
• Chapter 5
• Chapter 6