Clickbait

Milly Thomas

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2016
• Print ISBN: 9781783197224
• eBook ISBN: 9781783197231
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

Nicola Barker is in trouble. A video has been made, and she is the unwitting star. In a bid to stop the footage being used against her, Nicola makes a snap decision: to post it online herself. What started as a drunken night in a dirty club ends with a unique business opportunity for Nicola and her two sisters, changing the meaning of 'amateur porn' forever. But where there is demand, there must be supply, and as the line between empowerment and exploitation becomes blurred, public opinion begins to turn against the trio. A darkly comic new play from the writer/director team behind A First World Problem, this is a blistering study of our attitudes to porn, and the women who make it for themselves.

SCENE ONE

Four years earlier. Ibiza club noises emanate from a laptop which NICOLA stares at. We hear the noise of the club. The music. We hear the groans and the cheers from the crowd.

NICOLA: Fuck.

Pause.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

She screams. NICOLA starts to hit herself. A couple of times at first.

But then it builds to a frenzy. She climbs into bed. She climbs under the covers and hides. She mutters to herself.

SCENE TWO

That evening. Nicola’s bedroom. GINA and NICOLA are watching a screen. GINA is horrified.

GINA: Holy fuck, Nicola.

NICOLA: Please just watch it.

GINA: How long is this?

NICOLA: Seven minutes.

GINA: Christ, Nicola.

NICOLA: I’m turning it off.

GINA: No.

Pause.

Does Adam know?

NICOLA: Obviously not.

GINA: Jesus, Nicola, this’ll kill him.

NICOLA: Don’t tell him.

Pause.

GINA: When did this happen?

NICOLA: At Boomerang. It was the end of season party.

GINA: Oh, coz’ that’s fine then?

NICOLA: That’s not helpful.

GINA: Are there more videos?

NICOLA: No.

GINA: (Beat.) Okay. How long is he saying you’ve got?

NICOLA: A week and then he’ll post it.

GINA: Okay. (Beat.) Okay. Okay. Don’t panic.

NICOLA: No, you’re panicking, Gina. Which is unhelpful, so stop.

The video ends abruptly. They clock it. GINA gets up and puts her shoes on.

(Beat.) What are you doing?

GINA: Well, obviously we’re going to the police.

NICOLA: No. Fuck off. No.

GINA: Nicola, the police will help. I understand how scary this is, okay. I understand that this is horrible. I understand that this hasn’t happened to me so it’s easy for me to say. But you need help. (Beat.) Mum needs to know too.

NICOLA: Oh hilarious.

GINA: This isn’t a joke, Nicola. Christ, what will everyone say at freshers?

NICOLA: They’ll probably call me a slut and a whore.

Pause.

Gina, I’m going to post it on Facebook.

GINA: Nicola, are you mad? The police will sort it.

NICOLA: They can’t help me, okay. And I sure as fuck can’t find ten thousand euros so I’ve got to. What choice do I have?

GINA: Don’t be so stupid, Nicola. That’s stupid. You’re not thinking. You’ve got all the choice.

NICOLA: No I don’t, because he’s going to upload that video. If I upload it then it’s mine.

GINA: You’d be ruined. You’d be ‘that’ girl.

NICOLA: So I wait for him to start blackmailing me every month? I have to, Gina.

GINA: Give me time. I will make this go away.

NICOLA: Gina, this isn’t the Sopranos.

GINA: This is our family, Nicola. It’s not just you. This will destroy Mum. You’re so stupid. What the fuck were you thinking?

NICOLA: Go on, say it.

GINA: You’re disgusting. (Beat.) I love you.

Please don’t do anything else stupid. Give me that laptop.

NICOLA: No.

CHLOE comes bouncing in.

CHLOE: You’re hoooooooome.

NICOLA: Chlo.

CHLOE: What’s wrong?

GINA: Nothing’s wrong.

CHLOE: I’m talking to Nicola.

NICOLA: I’m fine.

CHLOE: Lies. Both of you. You’re both being weird. Dinner’s ready.

NICOLA: I’m not hungry.

CHLOE: Mum made you burritos, you ungrateful whore. GINA: Chloe.

CHLOE: It’s a nice thing. Like bad bitch. Adam’s downstairs.

NICOLA: What?

CHLOE: It was meant to be a surprise, but I know how much you hate surprises so I figured I’d warn you so you could put some nice underwear on. Shave your legs. You can thank me later.

GINA: Adam’s downstairs?

CHLOE: Yeah, he’s passed his accounting exams. That was meant to be a surprise too. He brought prosecco, but –

NICOLA: Adam?

CHLOE: Yeah.

NICOLA: Downstairs?

CHLOE: No, Ru Paul in the attic. Yes, Adam downstairs, what’s so fucking-?

GINA: (To NICOLA.) Shall we put the laptop down and have dinner?

NICOLA: No.

GINA: We can talk after.

CHLOE: Talk about what?

GINA: Nicola. I think it would be best. For the whole family. If you came downstairs.

CHLOE: Talk about what?

GINA: (To CHLOE.) How was school today?

CHLOE: I know what you’re doing.

GINA: Well in that case start behaving like a grown up and give us some fucking space.

CHLOE: Ooh it must be bad. Can I tell Adam?

NICOLA: Tell Adam what?

CHLOE: Whatever you’ve done. Can I tell him?

NICOLA: There’s nothing. I’m coming down now. Please? I just need a minute, okay, Gina? (Beat.) Okay, Gina?

Pause.

GINA: Okay.

NICOLA: …

GINA and CHLOE leave. NICOLA is left alone.

NICOLA approaches the laptop. She types f...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Cast
• Creatives
• Thanks
• Title page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Characters
• Notes on the play
• Prologue
• Scene Two
• Acknowledgements