Under the Social Influence

Going From Reckless to Responsible in Today's Socially Distracted Society

Chuck Wilson

• Publisher: Morgan James Publishing
• Year: 2013
• ISBN:
  9781614484660
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Time Management

A practical guide to embracing social media and the Internet revolution without living online— "Provides valuable insight" (Jay Myers). In just the past two decades, the Internet revolution has radically changed our world. Every aspect of life has been affected—from how we buy groceries to how we meet people, and from mass media phenomena to the way our own minds operate. Many of us are left wondering how we can use such a powerful tool without becoming just another part of it—or falling victim to its more sinister side. Under the Social Influence looks at specific positive and negative aspects of the Internet that can impact a person's life and career. It uses common examples of our changing lifestyles, as well as unique and sometimes humorous stories of Internet use gone wrong—and methods for altering behavior for the better. This is a no nonsense, tough love playbook for anyone struggling to get ahead, stuck in a negative social network situation, or simply trying to balance living in the real world while still existing online.Each part of Under the Social Influence captures specific (positive and negative) influences that can impact a successful life and career. It uses examples of what generally happens, unique and sometimes humorous stories of what went wrong and then methods for altering the reader's behavior as they grow and mature. The book appeals to Gen Y workers seeking their first "real" job, employers looking to figure out why their millennial workers act as they do, and helps everyone put life in perspective and focus on what's really important. This is a cut-to-the-chase, no nonsense, real world, tough love playbook for those struggling to get ahead and those under the influence of negative social situations.

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PART 1

SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE:
DETERMINE YOUR CORE VALUES

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Chapter 1

Reality check: Are you living under the social influence?

Is your life overbooked with too many meaningless things as a result of poor time management and not being able to say no? On average we spend more than two hours a day just checking and responding to work e-mail. When you add Facebook and Twitter into the mix, the hours you spend on social media in an effort to stay connected with family and friends does just the opposite: it makes you less social. Have you isolated yourself from people because of your addiction to social media? I see no evidence that the instant connectivity of social networking has made anyone’s life simpler or better. I’ve seen it used as an anonymous and asynchronous way to vent frustration and damage relationships.

Are you obsessed with having more stuff than your friends and setting career goals based strictly upon an income level to support this obsession? Do you feel that life doesn’t seem fair? The truth is, life doesn’t have to be a constant competition, especially not with friends, neighbors, or family. If it feels that way, then you’re experiencing a lot more stress than you really should at your age.

Let’s take a quick test of where you are today, and then see how you got there and why. This ten-point checklist is the “misery meter” for those racing to get to an undetermined destination as fast as they possibly can.

How many of these ten statements below describe you?

Always late, feeling rushed, frazzled

Always angry at someone or about something

Always broke and live paycheck to paycheck

Always tired, or exhausted, or frustrated

Always feel lonely but are seldom alone

Always apologizing for underperforming

Never face to face with your closest friends

Never are happy and seldom laugh at work

Never willing to stop the destructive habits

Never unplugged from technology

If you checked the majority of the boxes, then your life needs a simplification. From my vantage point, I see far too many young people who are simply overextended in every facet of their lives because of impatience, bad advice, mismanaged finances, and unhealthy relationships.

By their own admission, most of the unhappy people I’ve helped train tell me that they either didn’t choose their system for living, or they discovered that they don’t like the system they once believed in. They were greatly influenced by others who didn’t have their best interests in mind. I encourage these people to first start by admitting there is a problem and committing to an “I will” attitude versus an “I will try” attitude about making changes in their priorities and any negative behavior that is limiting their chances of achieving success.

As we age we find ourselves in a constant state of uncertainty regarding the pace that we want for our lives. Sorting out the pleasures of a simple life from the doldrums of pure boredom may be a daily occurrence for you. If you have a good job, if you have a support system in place, if you have faith in yourself, and if you have a strong work ethic, then you have everything you need to make positive changes. Maybe you have simply driven yourself to a hectic and unhappy place because you are chasing the life that someone you know already has. Big mistake. You need to focus on your goals and ambitions and avoid being envious of friends’, neighbors’, and coworkers’ lifestyles.

If you fit the profile from the checklist above, you may be allowing others to determine who you are and how you feel about yourself. You’re living under the social influence. Sooner or later, there will be that day of reconciliation when you realize how short life really is, and instead of allowing other people, financial burdens, or your work control you, you’ll want to simplify your pursuits to only include what you believe is most important.

Why not make that day sooner rather than later? Keep reading.

Chapter 2

Focus on the process—not the outcome

Let’s start at the very beginning. Anytime you are charged with managing people, coaching a team, raising a child, or teaching a class, it is far more productive to focus on incremental steps than to dwell on the final outcome. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have expectations of the desired outcome, it is simply a way to keep from becoming frustrated along the way. For instance, if a state championship is the goal, speak of it as a team once in a while, but focus primarily on what has to be done in order to win that title. In business there is a saying: Always manage by objective. That’s a great strategy once an unambiguous goal is determined and communicated. The process is the accomplishment of individual objectives; the outcome is achieving the established goal. I find that business and sports are a lot alike in this respect.

In almost every scenario described above, you are only really in charge for a short while. Think about coaching as an example. Athletes will move on to the next coach and then to one after that. Your job as the manager or supervisor is to instill the proper work ethic, habits, and other key business traits. People get promoted or change jobs. Teaching is the same, parenting is the same, and even at work your direct reports won’t work for you forever. Think back to school and the best teachers, coaches, or counselors you have had. Replicate the way they instilled a work ethic in you. They are your motivational role models as you begin your career.

What really motivated you in high school or college? Was it grades, win/loss records, or a natural competitive spirit? Were you driven to achieve these things thanks to your mentors pushing you to become better? My guess is that the people who you remember most fondly will be the mentors who encouraged you to make strides toward doing your personal best. It’s the collective personal bests that when combined in a strategic fashion add up to great team achievements. Work is no different. Great companies are nothing more than great people doing their collective best work, day in and day out.

Okay, so you want to make more money and get promoted quickly. Your first thought is to use this job as a means to get to the next one and then one day you will be the boss. The only thing wrong with that is if you focus solely on the outcome and not the process, you will get frustrated quickly. Whereas you will discover that your work can have more meaning and you can actually learn to love the job you currently have if you find creative ways to be great at it. You have two choices: You can be bored, go through the motions, and do a satisfactory job, OR you can do your job better than anyone who has come before you. If you do it better than it’s ever been done, you will have loved that job and will be ready for the next one.

If you focus on the outcome alone, your work will seem like endless hours of frustration with no end in sight. End goals should be set but not obsessed over on a daily basis. This is a difficult message to convey to the generation of workers that have been labeled the “Me generation.” My generation has caused some of this impatience in our children by encouraging behaviors such as “just take care of you.” In the workplace, the company comes before the individual, and as parents of a generation entering the workforce, we need to encourage that mentality.

Parenting and working full time are an overwhelming combination. Maybe you feel that you will be—need to be—the perfect working mother. Guess what? There isn’t such a thing. What there is plenty of are very tired, very frustrated working women ready to collapse at the end of the day or snap at anyone who asks if they need some extra help— say your own mother maybe? Believe it or not, you are not the first young mother who thinks they can have it all. Be realistic and patient.

Dads today want more time to be part of their kids’ lives, and that is very tough with travel, late hours, and work-fromhome expectations in the evenings. Providing for your family has not gone out of style. It’s an expectation that is commendable. If you can’t make every soccer game, explain to your kids the essential role you play and how you provide. They will learn a work ethic from watching what you do and how hard you work. Your example will stay with them their entire life. Many before you have gone through this very same process.

Just give your personal best as you were taught early on. As an employee, manager, or parent, no one expects more than that of you. If your personal best isn’t good enough for your employer then chances are the fit just isn’t right for either of you. The process can begin again without starting from scratch.

Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune.

Jim Rohn, American author and motivational speaker

Have you stayed in touch with a mentor or role model you really admired?

Who are the most positive and supportive people in your life today?

Besides money, what motivates you to do better each day?

Chapter 3

Truly believe in what you believe is true

A life that is dedicated to strong beliefs, commitments, values, and ethics will truly become a life worth living. How can you make your life truly meaningful if you support a cause only when convenient or when it fits into your schedule? People with strong beliefs seem to enjoy life and are well grounded. On the flip side, pretending to believe in almost everything and overcommitting to the cause du jour simply adds to the chaos you should be trying to avoid. Saying no to half-hearted beliefs is just as important as saying yes to your true beliefs. Limit your volunteer time, financial support, and emotional capacity to what truly matters most.

Here are a couple of tough questions I get asked on a regular basis: Should your political and cultural beliefs define your career? Can your faith dictate yo...