Experiencing God Outside the Box

Growing More Intimate with the Real God

Paul Meier

• Publisher: Morgan James Faith
• Year: 2014
• ISBN:
  9781630473884
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Psychology of Religion

"Paul Meier gives us the complete picture of how to [experience God as He truly is], spiritually, emotionally, relationally and neurologically." —Dr. John Townsend, psychologist and coauthor of the bestselling Boundaries Series The greatest calling we can have during our brief journey here on Planet Earth is to earnestly yearn and search, without prejudice, for an intimate relationship with the one and only true Creator God, outside the box. The vast masses of humans never get this deep and blindly believe whatever they have been taught about God, often out of fear of rejection by family or peers. Others see God as a Heavenly Version of their earthly fathers. Paul Meier, MD, is a psychiatrist and theologian whose books have been read by over seven million people in over thirty languages all around the world, and he describes the many prejudicial mountains that must be climbed to become intimate with the real God. Dr. Meier also gives many positive ways to assist you to make that earnest search for Experiencing God Outside the Box. "This is an amazing book! It helped me see God in ways I never saw him before and to grow closer to him. It showed me many powerful ways to overcome the prejudices of my past." —Dr. Jean-Luc Bertrand, author and Emmy Award–winning TV producer "Paul brings us face to face with many new facts and experiences that will hopefully enable us to re-think and 're-search' our relationship with God... This book will certainly help many find a new and more intimate relationship with the 'real God' and Father of us all." —Esly Regina Carvalho, PhD, psychologist and author

( CHAPTER ONE )

The Father Factor

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

—Søren Kierkegaard

Healing Father Wounds that Hinder Our Ability to See God Outside the Box

When we are growing up and learning to say our “Goodnight Prayers,” as three- or four- year-olds, we are actually thinking as we pray, “Dear Heavenly version of my earthly father.” Research shows that nearly 80 percent of our God concept comes from our parent images, especially that of our earthly father. Every single one of us, as humans, is prejudiced to some degree toward (or against) God. We not only think our Heavenly Father is very much like our earthly father, we also try to avoid looking at painful repressed memories about our earthly fathers, often holding them up on a pedestal to avoid getting in touch with our rage toward them, and displace this rage onto God instead, looking for reasons to reject God or at least keep him at a safe distance.

Case Study

Jim came to our Day Program after going through the divorce of his one and only marriage. He was very suicidal at the time, feeling hopeless, and feeling like God could never accept him—if there even is a God, which he doubted. People come to our Day Program to get seven hours a day, five days a week of intensive group and individual therapy, usually for about three weeks. We pack six months to a year of therapy into that three-week period, digging for root problems and using Gestalt and other techniques to get individuals in touch with their problems and repressed emotions.

We see each patient daily to make adjustments to their medications if meds are needed to relieve their intense anxiety, sadness, and insomnia. We also ask them about their childhoods and their dreams, which are often windows into their souls. Jim’s individual therapist put an empty chair in front of Jim after we all learned about his childhood and subsequent encounters. Then the therapist had Jim pretend his father was sitting in the chair. Then he had Jim look his “father” in the eye and tell him how he felt about his father seldom being there for Jim, bringing up multiple specific incidents of feeling let down or downright rejected by his father. This is an example of a Gestalt technique to hasten recovery, rather than merely talking about his father.

Jim wept with grief and rage as he got in touch with his suppressed emotions. But then Jim prayed for God to enable him to forgive his father, so his life would no longer be haunted and unconsciously determined by his codependency on his father and father substitutes.

Jim was encouraged to build a few close male friends who could accept him as he is. As Jim saw the truth and forgave his father, and himself, it became much easier to develop an intimate friendship with his Heavenly Father. Jim apologized to God for being so prejudiced against him, thinking him to be just like his father.

Jim recovered from his lifelong bouts of depression, continued in outpatient therapy for a few more months and continued to grow in his relationship with God. Eighteen months later, Jim fell in love with a wonderful woman from his church, dated her for a year, and then married her. He has now been happily married to her for three years and has a one-year-old son, a son he spends lots of time with and gives plenty of hugs to, knowing he, to some extent, represents what God is like to his own son.

The Psalm 103 Experiment

When I taught pastoral counseling at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School (Deerfield, Illinois, outside Chicago) in the 1970s, I conducted a research experiment to see if our father image really did prejudice our image of God the Heavenly Father. I took Psalm 103 and listed 13 of the attributes of God listed in that chapter (out of the 30 that are either stated or implied) and listed these attributes on a sheet of paper, with a space beside each trait to write down comments. I asked the students to only write down comments on the traits that they had trouble believing on a deep inner level, even if they agreed with the traits intellectually.

Each student, as would be expected, had his unique list of traits he struggled with, and some had few and some had many. When they were finished doing that, I gave them another similar sheet with the same 13 traits listed, but this time I asked them to write down comments beside the traits that were their own earthly fathers’ weakest. They were shocked at the results. In almost every case, the doubts about God were identical to their own earthly fathers’ weakest traits. These future pastors became aware of how they were allowing their own childhoods to prevent them from having a deeper and more intimate relationship with God. Their father images put God in a box for them—a box shaped like their earthly fathers. Becoming aware of this insight, as the readers of this book will as well, enabled them to see God more accurately, outside that box.

PSALM 103

¹ Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. ² Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget notall his benefits—³ who forgives all your sins and healsall your diseases, ⁴ who redeems your lifefrom the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, ⁵ who satisfiesyour desires with good things so that your youth is renewedlike the eagle’s.

⁶ TheLORDworks righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. ⁷ He made knownhis waysto Moses, his deedsto the people of Israel: ⁸ TheLORDis compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. ⁹ He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; ¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. ¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his lovefor those who fear him; ¹² as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressionsfrom us.

¹³ As a father has compassionon his children, so theLORDhas compassion on those who fear him; ¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. ¹⁵ The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flowerof the field; ¹⁶ the wind blowsover it and it is gone, and its placeremembers it no more. ¹⁷ But from everlasting to everlasting theLORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children—¹⁸ with those who keep his covenant and rememberto obey his precepts.

¹⁹ TheLORDhas established his thronein heaven, and his kingdom rulesover all.

²⁰ Praise theLORD,you his angels, you mighty oneswho do his bidding, who obey his word. ²¹ Praise theLORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servantswho do his will. ²² Praise theLORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise theLORD, my soul.

Psalm 103 Implies 30 Traits of God

1.Forgiving. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34-47).” We don’t see our own unconscious motives without help. Jesus wanted the Father to forgive even those who had crucified him.

2.Healing.

3.Redeeming.

4.Honoring (Crowns Us). Two thousand years ago the Apostle Paul said the encouraging words to each of us, “You are God’s masterpiece,” despite our personal underestimations. “You are precious and honored in my sight … because I love you (Isaiah 43:4).” “The Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation (Psalm 149:4).”

5.Loving (Abounding in Love).

6.Teaching. God even teaches us how to turn our personal failures ...