The Power of Patience

How This Old-Fashioned Virtue Can Improve Your Life

M.J. Ryan

• Publisher: Mango
• Year: 2021
• ISBN:
  9781642504583
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Time Management

Find Joy in a Busy World by Practicing Patience

A deeper look at an old-fashioned quality. We've all heard the phrase, "Patience is a virtue, " and doubtless responded with a sigh, as usually it's spoken with a tone of reproach. But this virtue carries with it a wealth of wisdom that can actually help us find happiness in our day-to-day. Author M.J. Ryan details just what living with patience can bring to our lives and how it can change us for the better.

Slow the rush. Things move at a quick pace in our society, in both our work lives and social lives. Not only are we forced to keep up, but we have been conditioned to expect instant gratification. Because of this, we find ourselves getting flustered by the smallest setbacks or hold ups—whether it's a slow server at a restaurant or rush-hour traffic. Ryan shares how patience is the very antidote to the stress that our fast-paced lifestyle results in.

Reclaim our priorities. By reining in our aggravation when things don't happen instantaneously, we give ourselves time to breathe and think more clearly. We make better use of our days and allow ourselves to make decisions based on how they align with our priorities, instead of focusing on how fast we can get tasks done. With Ryan's help, we can learn to foster a patient outlook and find joy and fulfillment in the present moment.

This book by M.J. Ryan is a fulfilling and beneficial self-care gift for women and men everywhere. Throughout it, she offers readers:

• Straightforward, believable instructions for developing a habit of patience
• A source of stress-relief and guide to happier living
• Ways to find peaceful moments amidst the hustle and bustle that each day brings

Readers of Present Over Perfect, When Less Becomes More, The Joy of Missing Out, and Stillness is Key will enjoy M.J. Ryan's The Power of Patience.

4

the practices of patience

®

The shortest and surest way to live with honor in the world
is to be in reality what we would appear to be;
all human virtues increase and strengthen themselves
by the practice and experience of them.

Socrates

TELL YOURSELF THE TRUTH ABOUT WHERE YOU ARE
RIGHT NOW

Something happens when we don’t resist, when we
don’t hate ourselves for what we are experiencing.
Our hearts open . . .

Sharon Salzberg

A number of years ago, I came across Robert Fritz’s book The Path of Least Resistance. Fritz’s work is about conscious change: how people and organizations change on purpose. His idea, based on the laws of physics, is very simple. We begin by telling ourselves the truth about what we want and where we are right now in relation to what we want, without judgment or criticism. So to begin to cultivate more patience, we first must ask how patient we already are.

Fritz believes it’s not useful to just say you want “more” patience, because what is more? How will you measure it? In order to know where you are and where you want to be, you need some way of quantifying. Since patience is not something you either have or don’t have, but rather is a quality you exhibit more or less of at any given time, we can usefully measure it on a scale from -5 to +5, with -5 being the least patient you can be and +5 being the most.

Think of your own life. What behaviors and feelings would be a -5 to you? What behaviors and feelings would a +5 be? A -5 for me would be throwing something or saying something really mean to someone else. It would feel like a raging red storm I had no control over. A +5 would be feeling totally calm in my body when Ana is dawdling and I must drop her at school and be in a meeting in twenty minutes but I take time to receive what she is saying.

Now, given those two self-created measurements, where on average would you like to be and where do you spend most of your time? For me, I’d say I’d really like to be at 4.5 and I probably am at 2.

When we tell ourselves the truth about where we are and where we want to be, we realize there is a gap between the two. That gap, says Fritz, is a good thing. He calls it creative tension, because it allows something new to be born by causing energy to move from current reality to your desired result. You don’t even need to worry about exactly how it will happen, says Fritz. Tell yourself the truth about current reality (without berating yourself), keep your goal in front of you as you try some things, and notice what happens.

Try it and see. Come up with your two numbers and write them down. Experiment with the ­practices in this section that you feel drawn to. Then check in again in a month (it takes time for this to work). What are your two numbers now?

TUNE IN TO YOURSELF
IN THE MORNING

It’s taken time and practice . . . to appreciate
that how [we] start the day sets the pace
for everything that comes next.

Tracy D. Sarriugarte and
Peggy Rowe Ward

I have a friend who is a preschool teacher. One day she shared with me one of her great parenting secrets: “Spend twenty minutes first thing in the morning with your child with no agenda and the rest of the day will go much more smoothly. You’ll have less trouble getting ready for school, less clinging when you drop your child off, and fewer conflicts at the end of the day.” I took her advice and it was remarkably effective. When I reported back in, she told me that I would be amazed at how many parents tell her they don’t have twenty minutes to spend, and so they end up struggling with their kids all day and evening long, using up way more time than twenty minutes.

To me, this is a story about how we can so easily be penny-wise and pound-foolish, with time as well as money. It’s also about how setting the tone in the morning really does affect what happens for the rest of the day. Many people, particularly women, ­report to me that when they take even ten minutes for themselves when they first wake up, they have much more resilience the rest of the day. Kids, coworkers, spouses—all feel a little less overwhelming when they have taken just a few precious minutes to tune in to themselves first.

That’s because part of our lack of patience comes from the fact that we are being pulled in so many directions that we don’t have time to pay attention to ourselves. No wonder we’re short-tempered with everyone else—we’re shortchanging ourselves!

Right now, take a few moments to figure out when and where you can find the time to tune in to yourself in the morning. I tend to wake up before Don and Ana, and I relish that time lying in bed when there are no demands on me. But you can also take ten minutes in the parking lot before heading into the office, or at the school when you drop your child off.

Those few minutes are your chance to prepare yourself for the day ahead. How are you feeling? What’s on your mind? What is your soul longing for? Where might you need some help? What quality do you want to bring into your day—a sense of spaciousness, peace of mind, an open heart?

Then for one minute in the evening, mentally ­review the day, noticing whether your morning tune-in was effective. Were you more resilient and flexible? Did you cruise through the day in a generally positive way? What worked and didn’t? Learning happens after an event when we stop and reflect, so give yourself that one minute in the evening to figure out whether the tune-in is useful or not.

Try it for a week and then decide whether this is something you would like to do on a regular basis. Our reservoir of patience is refilled through attention to our own needs.

WHEN AM I PATIENT?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS

You must first have a lot of patience

to learn to have patience.

Stanislaw J. Lec

When we adopted Ana from China, she was one year old and seriously neglected. She couldn’t even roll from front to back, weighed only fourteen pounds, and had second-degree burns on her buttocks from lying in urine. As soon as I laid my eyes on this beautiful child who had been allowed to languish for thirteen months, all my maternal instincts went into overdrive. I made a decision: this precious being simply needed love and attention to flourish.

From that moment on, I had all the patience I needed. I refused to look at development charts in the pediatrician’s office that described where she should be. I refused to compare her height and weight to children of the same age. When she began stuttering at age three, I refused to draw attention to the problem, allowing her the time to work it out on her own.

Don and I held her, slept with her until she was four, and, aside from the time she was in preschool, spent virtually every waking hour with her. At five and a half, she is a bright, beautiful, articulate, hula-hooping champion who is about to enter the advanced kindergarten at ...