The Gospel & Marriage

Russell D. Moore, Andrew T. Walker

• Publisher: B&H Books
• Year: 2017
• Print ISBN: 9781433690433
• eBook ISBN: 9781433646553
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Religion

If marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church, our homes should look like the gospel. While the culture has never been more confused about the definition of what marriage is, those who are married have never been more hopeless about how marriage should be lived. The times have never been more crucial for digging deeper, past the definition of marriage to the structure of marriage, the blessings of marriage, and the opportunity for living out the image of the gospel that's embodied within marriage. So, what now? Editors Russell Moore and Andrew T. Walker of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission (ERLC) assemble leading voices to frame the issues with a gospel-centered perspective. The Gospel for Life series gives every believer a biblically-saturated understanding of the most urgent issues facing our culture today, because the gospel is for all of life.

Chapter

What Are We For?

Mary Kassian

FIFTY YEARS OF MARRIAGE IS TRADITIONALLY CALLED ONE’S Golden Anniversary. You probably knew that. Sixty years is one’s Diamond Anniversary. Maybe you knew that too. But did you know that a man and woman who have been married for sixty-five years get to celebrate their Blue Sapphire Anniversary? I’m privy to that tidbit of information because I recently hosted a massive celebration for my parents’ sixty-fifth.

Wow! Sixty-five years of marriage (and counting) is a significant accomplishment. My husband and I have barely been married half that long. And with a scant thirty-three years’ experience under my belt, my eighty-seven-year-old mother is quick to remind me that when it comes to marriage, I still have a lot to learn.

Scripture contains numerous truths about marriage. One has only to scan its opening pages to discover that marriage is, first and foremost, utterly and undeniably God’s idea.

Marriage Is God’s Notion

“He who created them in the beginning made them male and female . . . [husband and wife].” (Matt. 19:4)

Genesis 1 gives us a broad overview of humanity’s creation. It informs us that God created man in His own image; male and female He created them. He blessed the newlyweds and gave them the mandate to be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1:27–28). Genesis 2 rewinds the tape, zooms in, and provides some additional details in slow-motion, as it were. It shows that the Lord God created the male first, from the dust of the ground. He created the female second, from a rib He extracted from the male. It also lets us in on the fact that the Lord created woman as man’s perfect counterpart. The wedding was immediate. The man was still standing there gawk-eyed and spouting poetry when God pronounced them husband and wife (Gen. 2:15–23).

No doubt you’re familiar with the narrative. But at the risk of stating the obvious, let me make a few observations.

It was God who created mankind.

It was God who created male and female. He is the one behind the man-woman binary.

It was God who created marriage and sex. He was the first Father, metaphorically speaking, to walk a bride down the aisle. He was the first officiant. Marriage followed His creation of man and woman like a clap of thunder after a flash of lightning. It was all part of His plan.

Marriage is not a human construct. God created marriage. And it existed from the get-go. Right from the beginning, it was God’s divine purpose that human couples unite in exclusive, indivisible, one-flesh, lifelong covenant relationships. Jesus reiterated this basic fact,

“Haven’t you read,” He replied, “that He who created them in the beginning made them male and female,” and He also said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate.” (Matt. 19:4–6)

Christ’s words indicate that God is ultimately the one who joins husband and wife together and makes the two one. Think for a moment about the staggering implications. Not only was God the officiant at the first wedding, but marriage is so utterly and completely God’s doing, that He stands de facto behind each and every covenant. Marriage is sacred, holy, and divine in origin. God not only seals the deal, Malachi indicates that He also breathes “a portion of the Spirit” into each marital union.

The Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth . . . she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? (Mal. 2:14–15 esv)

Marriage is set in motion and defined by God. Its essence is such that it cannot and does not exist outside of God. The institution is so God-created, God-ordained, God-sanctioned, and God-breathed that He stands as the judicial contract-maker and witness at every wedding. That doesn’t mean that He condones each person’s choice of a marriage partner. But it does mean that whenever a man and a woman marries, God is the end-cause of the joining that takes place. Highly invested in the institution He created, the Lord testifies to each vow. And in His common grace, His breath enlivens every covenant.

Marriage Is Defined by God

Dictionaries used to define marriage as “a legally accepted relationship between a man and a woman in which they live as husband and wife.” But no longer. The popularization of common-law marriage, the advent of same-sex marriage, and the acceptance of transgender ideology has forced culture to purge sex-specific references such as man and woman, and husband and wife, out of its explanations.

Most dictionaries now define marriage as something like this: “a state in which two individuals are wholly committed to live with each other in sexual relationship, under conditions normally approved and witnessed to by their social group or society.” According to this rather awkward definition, two people—opposite sex, same sex, transgender, or whatever gender they consider themselves to be—are married if: a) they are sexually involved and committed to maintaining a common residence, b) society as a whole doesn’t object to their relationship (as it currently would in cases of incest, for example), and c) someone can attest to the validity of their living arrangement.

I don’t know about you, but I grieve at such a shallow view. The Bible presents a vision infinitely more noble, beautiful, and heart-stirring. God’s Word flies in the face of the idea that marriage is merely a social custom or an evolving human institution that we can define and redefine at will. Marriage is God’s notion, not ours. He purposed it since the beginning. Before the ages even.

In order to rightly understand marriage, we dare not leave God out of it. He must be our starting point. If marriage is God’s idea and doing, and if indeed He creates and ratifies the marriage union, then it stands to reason that He’s the one who gets to dictate the terms. God—not man—gets to define what marriage is all about.

One of the main aims of this chapter is to summarize how God defines marriage. This is what we are for. These are the positive assertions of what marriage, at its essence, is.

There are several good Bible-based definitions out there. The Baptist Faith and Message 2000 defines marriage as “the uniting of one man and one woman in covenant commitment for a lifetime.” The definition is short, succinct, and sound. But I’d like to propose a slightly expanded version,

Marriage is a spiritual and legal covenant between two complementary counterparts (one biological male and one biological female), through which they are joined by God in a one-flesh union, and commit to pursue and enjoy a conjugal, exclusive, indivisible, lifelong love relationship.

Let’s unpack it phrase by phrase. I think each part of the definition accurately reflects what the Bible teaches about the institution. To begin, marriage is “a spiritual and legal covenant.”

A Spiritual and Legal Covenant . . .

Malachi 2:14 makes it clear that marriage is a covenant relationship. She is “your wife by covenant.” Proverbs 2:17 maintains that the adulteress “forgets the covenant of her God.” Marriage isn’t the only type of covenant we see in Scripture, but it’s a highly significant one.

What exactly is a covenant? A covenant is a legal, binding interpersonal agreement or commitment that outlines the obligations of each party in a relationship. Often, it outlines the blessings that accompany fulfillment of one’s covenant obligations, and warns of the negative consequences (curses) for those who fail to meet them. A covenant differs from a contract in that it formalizes the terms of a relationship rather than quantifying an interchange of goods or services. People who enter into a covenant form an unbreakable alliance, association, or bond. Furthermore, unlike a contract, which only requires human witnesses and can be broken, a covenant is a permanent oath that is witnessed and guaranteed by God. It is both legal and spiritual.

According to the Bible, living together in a committed sexual relationship does not alone constitute a marriage. A marriage requires a formal covenant, ratified in the presence of God and other witnesses. It involves public vows, a pledge to fulfill one’s marital obligations, and legal registration with the governing authorities.

Between Two . . .

The next phrase specifies that marriage is between two individuals. But if God’s plan is monogamy, why did several men in the Old Testament have more than one wife? And why on earth did God tolerate it?

Hebrew marriage was essentially monogamous.1 Polygamy (polygyny) was largely confined to the ruling and upper classes. A ruler would marry multiple wives to secure heirs and/or make political alliances (1 Kings 3:1). Polygamy was practiced by Lamech (Gen. 4:19), Abraham (Gen. 16), Jacob (Gen. 30:1–8), Gideon (Judg. 8:30), King David (1 Sam. 25:39; 2 Sam. 3:2; 5:13), Solomon (1 Kings 9:16; 11:3), and Rehoboam (2 Chron. 11:21). It’s important to note that although the Bible reports that certain men had multiple wives, it does not condone the practice. The passages are descriptive rather than prescriptive. That’s an important distinction. Nowhere in the Bible is polygamy ever sanctioned.

Jesus clarified for us that God’s design for marriage is one man and one woman, as it was in the beginning. When the Pharisees pressed him about the practice of divorce, Jesus essentially said, “Moses gave you some guidelines because of your sinful hearts, but I’m overruling that concession and calling you to a higher standard, because divorce is not God’s plan” (Matt. 19:3–12; Mark 10:2–12, author paraphrase). Had He been asked about polygamy, He would have undoubtedly answered in the same manner.

For Jesus and Paul, and for the church, marriage and sexual ethics are not based on the cultural practices or sins that are reported in the Old Testament, but from the pre-fall monogamous union of man and woman that God instituted at creation.

Complementary Counterparts (one biological male and one biological female) . . .

God’s pattern for marriage involves one biological male and one biological female. Genesis is clear that God created two sexes—male and female, and joined these two binary beings in marriage. He did not create any other gender or any other type of marital u...

Table of contents

• Series Preface
• Chapter 1: What Are We For? (Mary Kassian)
• Chapter 2: What Does the Gospel Say? (Denny Burk)
• Chapter 3: How Should the Christian Live? (Dennis Rainey)
• Chapter 4: How Should the Church Engage? (Dean Inserra)
• Chapter 5: What Does the Culture Say? (Andrew T. Walker)
• Additional Reading