The Etiquette Advantage

June Hines Moore

• Publisher: B&H Books
• Year: 1998
• ISBN:
  9781433670183
• Topic: Negocios y empresa
• Subtopic: Religión

Even in a dog-eat-dog world, you should still know which fork to use.From proper grooming to proper attire, from dealing with foreign clients to dealing with the caterer, knowing the dos and don'ts of etiquette in the workplace is imperative for a successful business person. In the midst of a marketplace that has abandoned its social graces, it is the responsibility of the mature Christian to act with propriety and kindness. June H. Moore, a businesswoman and believer, teaches corporate Christians how to behave commendably, respecting their fellow workers even in the ferocious world of commerce.

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CHAPTER 1

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Rudeness
Is Rampant

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There is no accomplishment so easy to acquire

as politeness, and none more profitable.

George Bernard Shaw

An honest “Excuse me” is the grease that eases the

friction of human interaction. It's the bumper between

bodies on the verge of collision. It's a little peace

offering in the daily combat of urban life.

Mary Schmich

What Is Your EQ (Etiquette Quotient)? Business Etiquette

1. When was the last time you were the target of rude behavior?
2. Are you always confident about your choices in business protocol?
3. Why is there a heightened interest in business etiquette training today, and who brought it back?
4. What are the three Cs of business success?

Who Needs It?

It's Monday morning. You are finally out the door and on your way to work. As usual, the freeway looks crowded. Inconsiderate drivers make it almost impossible for you to merge with traffic from the highway entrance ramp. When you need to change lanes, no one will let you enter. Out of nowhere a car zooms up from behind and rides your bumper until you move over or get run down. You glance down and realize your son left the gas tank empty.

With frazzled nerves, you get to your office building. Your arms are full with demo equipment as you struggle to open the door that no one offers to open for you. What a way to start the day! If this is any indication of what's to come during the week, you wish you could go back and start over.

72 percent of Americans think the driving etiquette of others has gotten worse in the past 10 years.^1

Where Did All the Manners Go?

Whatever happened to good, old-fashioned manners—consideration for the needs and feelings of others—like leaving some gasoline in the tank when you borrow the car or having a little courtesy on the highway? A silent communication with other drivers on the road should permit a simple courtesy of give and take. As we see drivers struggle with the same traffic needs we experience from time to time, we shouldn't need a manners patrol officer to arbitrate our acts of rude behavior on the roadway, but often we do.

In Charlotte, North Carolina, the police chief uses reported license plates to identify offending motorists and mail them shame-on-you notes. Last year, he sent 340 notices similar to this one:“Your vehicle was observed slowing unnecessarily and then speeding up to prevent being passed.”^2

Starting with the hippies in the '60s, and deteriorating in the '70s and '80s, standards of propriety in our society have plunged to extreme rudeness. It sometimes seems no one cares about good manners. Young people with advanced degrees and technical skills are seen chewing gum, chowing down, walking out of restaurants with toothpicks hanging from their mouths, letting doors fly back in someone's face, and showing up for work in what appears to be their weekend grubs. What is responsible for this rampant rudeness? Sadly, many of these young, highly trained professionals don't even realize they are being rude.

Our busy, rushed schedules are partly to blame. Often both parents work, leaving little time for dinner conversation about values and the Golden Rule—or even dinner together at all. Parents find it difficult to teach their children good dining habits and other rules of polite behavior. Running from one event to another, we have become victims of our schedules, appointments, and Day timers.

The problem of incivility cuts across all class and racial lines. “In the recent survey of educators by the American Association of School Administrators, the teaching of the golden rule—treat others as you want to be treated—was found to be an urgent necessity.”^3

Why Do We Need Rules Anyway?

The National Highway Traffic Safety Board recently reported to a congressional committee that a third of the car crashes and two-thirds of the resulting fatalities are caused by aggressive drivers.⁴

Aggressive drivers speed, tailgate, fail to yield, weave in and out of traffic, pass on the right, make improper lane changes, run stop signs, make hand and facial gestures, scream, honk, and flash their lights. They even commit murder. According to a recent news report, a man on a bicycle shot and killed a driver who bumped his bike.

Just as we need traffic rules to avoid chaos—not to mention danger—on the highways, we also need a common language of social skills. We like to meet, talk, dine, and do business efficiently in a pleasant atmosphere without embarrassing ourselves or someone else. We need to feel understood and cared about.

Years ago, we were a rural people living on farms that were miles apart. A farmer might not interact with other people for hours or days. Today, however, we live in crowded communities and work in partitioned work spaces where privacy is not an option. In today's technological jungle we find ourselves working and living elbow to elbow. Without a code of proper conduct, we become almost uncivilized.8

Traffic regulations are the etiquette rules of driving a vehicle. Proper behavior is the etiquette of dealing civilly with others in our urban society.

Who Started the Return to
Good Manners in Business?

The clarion call to return to proper etiquette did not come from some ladies' afternoon tea party; it came from the business community. New employees were leaving bad impressions on clients and customers, driving away business.

Still no one wanted to tell these young people their manners were offensive. The subject of etiquette has often been treated like the subject of sex used to be: No one talks about it. Few people will tell us when we make a blunder. Then if they do, we almost die of embarrassment.

Therefore, etiquette trainers and consultants have now been called in to the business environment to do the correcting on every topic imaginable, from poor grooming to sexual harassment. Their goal is to provide information and answer questions without embarrassing the individuals.

COMMON COURTESIES Saying “Please,” “Thank you,” “Excuse me,” “Pardon me,” and “May I” Asking someone to be seated Showing a visitor or guest to the door Holding the door for someone behind you Writing thank-you notes promptly

NEGATIVE GESTURES Walking in front of someone Cracking knuckles Backslapping Using toothpicks in public Chewing gum in public Coughing/sneezing uncovered Checking your watch Interrupting Pointing Staring Whispering Fidgeting Laughing loudly

The Three Cs of Success

Successful people possess three common characteristics: they are competent in their skills, confident in demeanor, and considerate of others. Etiquette directly affects the last two characteristics—confidence and consideration. When we know the behavior others expect of us, we turn self-consciousness into self-confidence, thereby allowing us to show consideration for others. We create an atmosphere that frees us to then focus on being competent in our jobs. This is especially important as companies streamline and downsize their labor force to reduce costs. Becoming successful is now more competitive than ever.

It is not illegal to be obnoxious and rude. No manners police will put us in jail, however, we will probably experience the pain of disapproval, the loss of a valued client, or a failed business deal because of a mistake in etiquette. Knowing the proper behavior that business associates expect makes it easier to take care of business successfully. We must know the rules of proper business protocol to escape embarrassing ourselves, our hosts, or our guests.

A Tidal Wave of Rudeness

Ripples of rudeness have become tidal waves of improper conduct. Although we are not left completely at the mercy of the rude, it is difficult to tell an employee that his or her impolite behavior ruined a business deal.

The issue of etiquette is very personal and often uncomfortable to address. It is easier to tell employees to improve their computer skills than to insist that they say hello to coworkers every morning. Yet without the pleasantries, teams become dysfunctional, relationships can become strained, and general morale is lowered. Civility is simply treating others with respect—courtesy. When it's absent, relationships deteriorate and productivity decreases.

This book is not about how to serve high tea to a British ambassador. It is about practical, solid business etiquette—the code of the business community. As a ready reference for everyday dilemmas dealing with business manners, it will detail the acceptable ways of behaving and responding that no one else will tell us (except perhaps our mother), and the faux pas that kill careers, relationships, and chances of promotion. The first area we will examine is the changing roles of men and women in the business world.

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CHAPTER 2

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The Changing Roles of
Men and Women

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One of the top five trends today

is a “redefinition of gender roles.”

Van...