Chapter 1.1
Adulthood
* * *
I arrived in a cheap, ill-fitting midwestern suit for my interview at General Magic. Everyone was sitting on the floor. They looked up at me, utterly bewildered. Their faces read, âWho is this kid?â They told me to sit down and take off my tie and jacket for Christâs sake.
Mistake #1.
Luckily it was a small one. I became employee #29 in 1991. I was a kid, twenty-one years old, and I gratefully took a job as a diagnostics software engineer. I was going to build software and hardware tools to check other peopleâs designsâthe lowest person on the totem pole. But I didnât care. I knew I just needed to get in the door to prove myself and move up.
A month before that, Iâd been CEO of my own company. We were tinyâa startup of three, sometimes four peopleâand were inching along. But it felt more like treading water. And treading water felt like drowning. Either youâre growing or youâre done. There is no stasis.
So I went where I could grow. The title and the money werenât important. The people were. The mission was. The opportunity was all that mattered.
I remember packing up my stuff to drive to California from Michigan, my belly full of butterflies, four hundred dollars to my name, and my parents trying to understand what the hell was going on.
They wanted me to succeed. They wanted me to be happy. But I truly seemed to be screwing everything up and had been for years. I loved computers, but Iâd gotten thrown out of my first computer class in seventh grade nearly every day. I was always telling the teacher he was wrong, always insisting I knew better, never shutting up. I made the poor man cry until they dragged me out of that class and made me learn French instead.
Then I skipped my very first week of college at the University of Michigan to go to Apple Fest in San Francisco and work a booth for my startup. I told my parents after I landed back in Detroit. They were beside themselves. But Iâd learned early on to ask for forgiveness, not permission. And I remember the revelation of sitting in my dorm, still digesting the dinner Iâd eaten at the wharf in San Francisco, realizing I could be part of two worlds at once. That it wasnât even that hard.
And now I was quitting the company that I had founded, that I had worked day and night to build, that had always seemed like an incredible risk but which was just starting to pay off. And I was going to goâwhere? General Magic? What the hell was General Magic? If I was going to get a regular job, why not at IBM? Why not Apple? Why not do something stable? Why couldnât I choose a path they could understand?
I wish Iâd known this quote thenâmaybe it would have helped:
I needed to learn. And the best way to do that was to surround myself with people who knew exactly how hard it was to make something greatâwho had the scars to prove it. And if it turned out to be the wrong move, well, making a mistake is the best way to not make that mistake again. Do, fail, learn.
The critical thing is to have a goal. To strive for something big and hard and important to you. Then every step you take toward that goal, even if itâs a stumble, moves you forward.
And you canât skip a stepâyou canât just have the answers handed to you and detour around the hard stuff. Humans learn through productive struggle, by trying it themselves and screwing up and doing it differently next time. In early adulthood you have to learn to embrace thatâto know that the risks might not pan out but to take them anyway. You can get guidance and advice, you can choose a path by following someone elseâs example, but you wonât really learn until you start walking down that path yourself and seeing where it takes you.
I give a speech at high schools sometimesâat graduations where a bunch of eighteen-year-old kids are heading out into the world, alone, for the first time.
I tell them that they probably make 25 percent of their decisions. If that.
From the moment youâre born until you move out of your parentsâ house, almost all your choices are made, shaped, or influenced by your parents.
And Iâm not just talking about the obvious decisionsâwhich classes to take, which sports to play. I mean the millions of hidden decisions youâll discover when you leave home and start doing things for yourself:
What type of toothpaste do you use?
What kind of toilet paper?
Where do you put the silverware?
How do you arrange your clothes?
What religion do you follow?
All these subtle things that you never made a decision about growing up are already implanted in your brain.
Most kids donât consciously examine any of these choices. They mimic their parents. And when youâre a kid, thatâs usually fine. Itâs necessary.
But youâre not a kid anymore.
And after you move out of your parentsâ house, thereâs a windowâa brief, shining, incredible windowâwhere your decisions are yours alone. Youâre not beholden to anyoneânot a spouse, not kids, not parents. Youâre free. Free to choose whatever youâd like.
That is the time to be bold.
Where are you going to live?
Where are you going to work?
Who are you going to be?
Your parents will always have suggestions for youâfeel free to take them or ignore them. Their judgment is colored by what they want for you (the best, of course, only the best). Youâll need to find other peopleâother mentorsâto give you useful advice. A teacher or cousin or an aunt or the older kid of a close family friend. Just because youâre on your own doesnât mean you have to be alone with your decisions.
Because this is it. This is your window. This is your tim...