The Power of Negative Thinking

Tony Humphreys

• Publisher: Gill Books
• Year: 2004
• ISBN:
  9780717155514
• Topic: Crescita personale
• Subtopic: Salute mentale e benessere

`An immensely challenging book' The Irish Times

'A useful self-help book, written by a psychologist and designed to increase self-awareness and a much greater understanding of self' Irish Independent

An exciting guide for personal healing, growth and development, The Power of `Negative' Thinking was first published in 1996.

It has sold 30, 000 copies in its original format and has been translated into twelve foreign-language editions. It is a ground-breaking publication which successfully challenges many of the current ideas in psychology today by making some surprising but convincing claims.

Contents

Cover

Title page

Chapter 1: Protecting Yourself in an Unsafe World

The world is often not a safe place to be

The wisdom of protection

Chapter 2: The Power of ‘Negative’ Thinking

There is no such thing as negative thinking

Protective thinking rather than negative thinking

Types of protective thinking

Identifying your patterns of protective thinking

Chapter 3: The Power of ‘Positive’ Thinking

There is no such thing as positive thinking

Open thinking rather than positive thinking

Types of open thinking

Praise and affirmation

Chapter 4: The Power of ‘Negative’ Attitudes

Conscious thinking and preconscious attitudes

There is no such thing as a negative attitude

Protective attitudes rather than negative attitudes

Identifying your protective attitudes

Chapter 5: The Power of ‘Negative’ Feelings

There is no such thing as a negative feeling

Protective feelings rather than negative feelings

Identifying and understanding protective feelings

Levels of protective feeling

Chapter 6: The Power of ‘Negative’ Action

There is no such thing as negative action

Protective action rather than negative action

Types of protective action

Interpersonal conflict is creative and protective

Healing and protective action

Chapter 7: The Power of Stress and Illness

The body is always right

Language, stress and illness

The body as a protector

Chapter 8: Realising Your Power

The power of the psyche

Knowing your power

Using your power to protect

Using your power to grow

Chapter 9: The Power of Safety

Safety is the key to healing

Personal safety

Interpersonal safety

Therapeutic safety

Chapter 10: Healing and Moving On

Healing and relationships

Personal healing

Interpersonal healing

Therapeutic healing

Chapter 11: Stories of Healing and Moving On

Safety and the telling of your story

The stories

Endless journey

In Between You and I

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Copyright

About the Author

About Gill & Macmillan

CHAPTER 1

PROTECTING YOURSELF IN AN UNSAFE WORLD

THE WORLD IS OFTEN NOT A SAFE PLACE TO BE

We live in a world of locks and bolts, guns, alarm systems, ‘Neighbourhood Watch’ systems, policing and insurance schemes to guard against all sorts of threats to our physical safety. It is no longer safe to walk alone on lonely country roads, remote forest paths or busy city streets. We are also aware of the risks to property. We are very alert to these threats to our physical safety and property, and we see the necessity and the creativity of developing behaviours and systems to protect ourselves. But what we are not so aware of are the multiple threats that exist to our emotional and social well-being. These emotional perils that children and adults face every day are, in many ways, an even greater threat to well-being than physical perils. Why? Because the prime need of people in our culture is to be loved, recognised, valued and accepted. Any threat to that emotional and social need poses great danger for people and so it is not surprising that, just as for physical threats, creative protections are developed to reduce or eliminate risks to emotional and social well-being. Where do these threats arise and what is their nature? They arise mainly in the following social systems:

homes

schools and classrooms

communities

workplaces.

The ways that an unsafe emotional atmosphere can develop in each of these systems are illustrated below.

Unsafe homes

The parental home is the first and most influential social system in our lives, while the second is the couple relationship. Most of us have been born into a family. As adults many of us are involved in a primary couple relationship. It is the nature of the relationships within these two systems that determines the level and intensity of the unsafety that can be experienced. Each family and couple relationship has its own unique culture and to truly understand a person’s present-day insecurity as an adult you need a detailed biographical history of that person.

Threats to the emotional well-being of family members or to partners in a couple relationship are posed by interactions that are of either a conditional or a totally neglectful nature.

FEATURES OF CONDITIONAL INTERACTIONS

Withdrawal of love

Domination

Control

Aggression

Passivity

Ridicule

Scoldings

Hostile criticism

Violence

Judgments

Irritability

Impatience

Non-listening

Dismissiveness

Conformity

Overinvolvement

In conditional interactions the unsafety that is created is due to the sad fact that you do not feel loved for yourself, and the only way you can gain love is by meeting certain conditions. What uncertainty this creates! There never can be a guarantee that you will be able to measure up and meet these conditions. Typical conditions for gaining love and recognition in families and couple relationships are: be good, be perfect, be clever, be beautiful, be like me, be the same, be kind, be the helper, be quiet. Unsafety arises with these expectations because love is withdrawn in the form of the kind of punishing behaviours listed above if you do not toe the line. When people – whether children or adults – experience these ...