Invite the Bully to Tea

End harassment, bullying and dysfunction forever with a simple yet radical new approach

Maureen F Fitzgerald

• Publisher: CenterPoint Media
• Year: 2017
• ISBN:
  9781988072050
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Développement personnel
• Subtopic: Résolution des conflits

A POWERFUL WAY TO RESOLVE GROUP CONFLICTS

Conflicts not only wreak havoc on people and relationships but cost millions of dollars in lost productivity, turnover, grievances and legal disputes.

Unlike other dispute resolution books, this book teaches a restorative way to resolve group conflict. Rather than punishing “offenders” groups or teams meet together to both resolve individual differences, repair hurt feelings and rebuild trust at the same time. In just a few hours individuals are able to understand what is really going on, see the situation from a variety of perspectives and come to a consensus on how to move forward.

This book provides a step-by-step, technique for mediating and resolving group disputes. Even the most dysfunctional group is able to overcome negative feelings and move toward a more positive future. In this book you will learn how to:

• properly talk to people in conflict
• select those people who need to talk together
• prepare individuals for the conversation
• facilitate the group conversation
• write up an action plan after the conversation

What people are saying

“Fitzgerald is at the cutting edge of bringing restorative practices to corporations. She provides wonderful real-life examples as well as an overview of how to do it.”— Ted Wachtel, author of Real Justice and president of the International Institute for Restorative Practices

“Fitzgerald’s book is a must not just for managers but for anyone seeking to build respectful, productive relationships within any work environment.”— Barry Stuart, co-author of Peacemaking Circles and retired judge, cse Consulting Group

"Maureen’s many stories and examples bring theory to life and provide us with a good sense of Corporate Circles in action.”— Gary Harper, author of the The Joy of Conflict Resolution

About the Author

Maureen F. Fitzgerald, PhD, JD, LLM, BComm practiced law for 20 years and has written eleven books, many articles and hundreds of blogs. She has a business degree, a law degree, a master of law degree from the London School of Economics and a doctorate degree. In her former life, Maureen was a policy lawyer, mediator and professor at two universities. As a leader of thoughts and people, Maureen writes and speaks often about social justice, equality and mindfulness. Her motto is: Sharing the right ideas at the right time can change the world. You can find her at www.MaureenFitzgerald.com.

Chapter 1: What is a Corporate Circle?

There are no problems we cannot solve together, and very few we can solve by ourselves.

─ Lyndon B. Johnson

One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose the sight of the shore for a very long time.

─ Andre Gide

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.

─ Albert Einstein

This book introduces a method for resolving workplace conflict quickly and easily. It shows you how to hold a Corporate Circle—an effective, efficient and long-lasting way to resolve any corporate conflict. You will learn a step-by-step, proven strategy for creating conversations that resolve conflict, enhance trust and lead to mutually acceptable action plans for any difficult situation. This strategy can be used by executives, human resources people and managers in almost any group situation.

Each year corporations spend billions of dollars to try to resolve workplace conflict, yet many workplaces still harbor deep cultures of mistrust, where disputes are daily fare. Conflict surfaces as endless gossip, disagreements, uneasiness and disrespectful behavior. Unresolved conflict slowly erodes productivity and creativity and causes headaches at all levels of an organization. Although conflict is normal and can be productive, most is destructive and can cause a ripple effect across an organization. This is because most people avoid confrontation and are afraid to say what they really think.

Unlike other conflict resolution methods, Corporate Circles get to the real root of the problem—quickly. Through a candid conversation, the hidden rivers of lava that spark many volcano-like disputes are uncovered. In just a matter of hours, even the most dysfunctional group will be able to share opinions and perspectives and move past negative feelings, so they can begin to move forward.

This chapter describes what Corporate Circles are and how Circles can help you. At the end of the chapter is a list of questions and answers about Corporate Circles.

What Is a Corporate Circle?

A Corporate Circle involves a group of people having a courageous yet compassionate conversation. Unlike other meetings, in a Circle participants feel safe enough to talk about what is really important. They are able to move past any bad feelings so the group can become truly productive. A group will usually hold a Circle for one of the following reasons:

● to deal with ongoing or repeated issues at work

● to resolve a dispute between two or more people

● to rebuild damaged workplace relations

● to create a more cohesive and effective team

During a Corporate Circle participants sit in a circle and discuss the problems that are occurring in the workplace and the difficulties they are having in relating with others. Each person is given an opportunity to speak openly and candidly. Participants share their perceptions, opinions and feelings. The group specifically discusses what has been happening, how best to repair any harm and how to prevent future conflict. Each issue is canvassed through open dialogue. The Circle ends with the group creating an action plan. Although a group can participate in more than one Corporate Circle, one is usually sufficient for groups of less than twenty people.

How Corporate Circles Can Help You

The process sounds simple enough, but it can have powerful results. Using Corporate Circles in your workplace will help your organization do the following:

● transform conflict

● create trust and heal damaged relations

● build strong teams

● empower individuals and enhance personal accountability

● facilitate creative problem solving

Here are some of the reasons why and ways in which this happens.

Circles Transform Conflict

Circles are effective at transforming and not just resolving conflict for all of the following reasons.

● All those impacted by a particular conflict diagnose and resolve the problem. Conflict is rarely just a dispute between two people. Indeed, most workplace conflict is supported either directly or indirectly by many people. The most common support is through silence, or simply not acknowledging that there is a conflict. Therefore conflict can only be resolved effectively by the participation of everyone involved in or impacted by it. This is the reason why so many two-person mediations fail. Even if these two people settle their differences, remnants of the conflict often linger that can be a catalyst for future conflict.

● Hidden causes of conflict are disclosed. Conflict is rarely what it appears to be. What you see on the surface usually does not reflect the deeper causes of conflict. These causes often emerge over a period of time and are completely unique to the individuals involved and the particular context. No two conflicts are identical. In a Corporate Circle, perceptions are uncovered and hidden issues are raised and resolved. This happens as the group begins to formulate a shared understanding about what is happening, how people are impacted, and why they respond in certain ways.

● Emotions can be expressed safely. Many people are afraid of emotions and do not know how to deal with them personally or in others. Thus they try to hide their feelings. This squelching of emotions causes people to bottle up their feelings and although it may seem useful in the short term, this has the potential for exacerbating to situation. Often these feeling linger and impact behaviors long after an event. Most organizations do not support or encourage the open expression of emotions. We are all expected to be extraordinarily rational and objective. We are expected to check our emotions at the door, regardless of our so-called personal situation. Corporate Circles work because they pay attention to the emotional and psychological aspects of conflict. A key component of a Circle is to allow participants to express their true feelings, especially when negative. The process almost always results in an apology or two and recognition by everyone in attendance that people have feelings. In essence, it allows people to vent.

● Participants learn how to resolve future conflict. Because Circles allow whole groups to work together to resolve conflict, each person learns how their behavior impacts others so that future conflict is prevented or resolved without outside help. In other words, Circles empower employees to resolve future conflict. In addition, during a Circle each person learns many interpersonal skills. This happens by watching the facilitator and by actively participating in the dialogue. Each person has the opportunity to immediately practice the skills they are learning. These skills include empathetic listening, using the body to communicate understanding, staying silent, paraphrasing and mirroring, among others.

Circles create trust and heal damaged relations

Many workplaces harbor deep cultures of mistrust. Without trust, workplaces become fragmented institutions where individuals are only interested in protecting themselves and their jobs. This lack of trust destroys cooperation, negates the possibility of teamwork, and ultimately interferes with the effective operation of any organization. Ann Coombs in her book The Living Workplace suggests that this mistrust causes lethargy, absenteeism, and a fear-based workplace. She believes that erecting a barrier between feelings and “real life” causes many of the problems and “[r]efusing to admit natural human feelings, and tolerating the negative on the grounds that it is the only way to survive, deadens the human spirit.”

The lack of trust comes from a loss of confidence in others or in the organization as a whole. It usually results from a number of situations that happen over an extended period of time. Sometimes the dissolution of trust is so slow and subtle that suddenly people wake up and realize they don’t trust anyone around them.

The only way to rebuild trust is to reestablish connections between co-workers and engage as an organization? in activities that will demonstrate trustworthiness. Although this can take months and sometimes years, a Corporate Circle can speed up this process enormously.

The following analogy demonstrates the similarity between personal relationships and organizational relations in nurturing relations to build trust.

The piggy bank model. Most relationships are like piggy banks. Each person in a relationship can make deposits or withdrawals from the relationship. Deposits are the activities that enhance a relationship. Withdrawals are activities that take away from a relationship. Like piggy banks, relationships can range from being full to being completely empty. If a relationship is full, it is resilient and can withstand a good number of withdrawals before it will begin to fail. If the relationship is empty, one or both people must make deposits to keep it nourished. Dysfunctional relationships are like empty banks. If neither person is able or interested in making a contribution, the relationship will remain cold and distant. Ideally you want to keep a high level...