Anything is Possible if You Think About It Hard Enough

Cordelia O'Neill

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2021
• Print ISBN:
  9781848429109
• eBook ISBN:
  9781788503976
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

Alex and Rupert aren't a conventional match, but a caffeinated meeting on the Underground ignites a spark. Skip forward to them fighting over baby names, nursery colours and ways to save money. All the signs of a normal family in waiting.

Then Alex goes into labour, their baby is born still – and their world implodes. What follows is a window into how a couple find the strength to move forward, the will to stay together, and the determination to keep alive the memory of their child.

Anything is Possible if You Think About It Hard Enough takes us to the depths of grief to find hope, and to the edge of insanity to find reason. There is humour, too, in the most unexpected places.

Cordelia O'Neill's play was first presented by Small Things Theatre at Southwark Playhouse, London, in September 2021, and won the Best New Play award at the 2022 Offies (Off West End Awards).

Scene One

RUPERT. A crisp morning, a seat on the Tube, no queues on the escalator, an easy stroll in the navy suit with the red tie from my school days that I should have forgotten but I kept to remind me of success. Shoes polished like my grandfather’s and an umbrella tucked neatly under my arm just in case. I’m smart, I’m a

ALEX appears and RUPERT accidentally hits her with his umbrella, hard. It hurts her, but he doesn’t notice, until she shouts.

ALEX. Twat

RUPERT turns around, watches her walk away. A moment. He has lost his train of thought…

RUPERT. I’m a… a…
Green skirt ironed in a rush with straighteners, pink and yellow jumper clashing, but in a charming way. High-heel shoes rubbing already. I don’t know why she wears them. It’s okay though, there are some grey trainers discarded under her desk. Hair… a mess. No umbrella despite the weather forecast, handbag that doesn’t quite fit everything, a toothpaste stain down the clashing jumper, that smile…

Beat.

I work in finance, you already know that… Numbers bore everyone so I won’t bore you.

Beat.

Well. Maybe… Are you interested?

Beat.

You see, for me, I find that you can’t not think of numbers, you can’t avoid numbers, day to day numbers are everywhere. That day for instance, the first day… Alarm at 6:45, snooze for five minutes, shower in ten, brush teeth for three, dress in seven, coffee and breakfast for twelve minutes, then three minutes to put on coat, shoes, collect bag, check the clouds and grab the umbrella. A ten-minute walk to the station, a fourteen-minute train followed by a stupidly long nine-minute change from platform one to four, another six minutes on the train, then if you’re smart and know the secret exit a five-minute walk out of the station followed by a seven-point-five-minute walk to the office. Don’t judge me for remembering all of that. Don’t judge me for enjoying telling you. Don’t judge me for loving each individual number. Those numbers are magic, imagine if I had been a minute late? If I snoozed my alarm two minutes too long, my train had been delayed or I had left the umbrella and then had to run back home, pick it up and get on another train, imagine if those numbers had been different well, then none of this…

*

RUPERT. Hello

ALEX (looking around, bewildered). Hello?

RUPERT. Hello

ALEX. Hello.

RUPERT. It’s me. Umbrella man. I hit you with my umbrella.

ALEX. It’s you.

RUPERT. How are you?

ALEX. It’s early

RUPERT. It’s 8:15

ALEX. It’s early.

RUPERT. Coffee?

ALEX. Now?

RUPERT. Yes.

ALEX. We’re on the train

RUPERT. I magicked a Thermos of coffee from my goatskin briefcase.

ALEX. Of course

RUPERT. What?

ALEX. Of course you have a Thermos.

RUPERT. She drank my coffee, took a big gulp, said it was

ALEX. Too weak

RUPERT. Then got off.

Scene Two

RUPERT. A Tube strike.

On a Monday.

A two-day hangover.

Drizzle.

A forgotten Thermos.

No umbrella.

Calls for one thing.

Americano and that almond croissant please.

RUPERT turns and runs into ALEX, the coffee goes all over her, her own coffee drops to the floor, she is soaked, she is furious.

ALEX. Fuck

RUPERT. Oops, / so sorry

ALEX. Fuck it, no, leave it.

RUPERT. It’s okay, here let me

ALEX. No, just leave it.

RUPERT. Let me, no, let me buy you a fresh one

ALEX. No, no I don’t want one.

RUPERT. Is okay, wait a sec. I’ll just nip up / to the…

ALEX. It’s you

RUPERT. Oh hello

ALEX. Umbrella man

RUPERT. It’s me.

ALEX. Nip up.

RUPERT. Excuse me?

ALEX. You said you’d ‘nip up’ to the…

RUPERT. Counter

ALEX. I know. ‘Nip up.’

RUPERT. It’s just another way of saying / go up

ALEX. I know what it means.

RUPERT. Oh
My mum says it.

ALEX. Your mum? Sweet.

Beat.

I didn’t take you as an almond-croissant kind of man

RUPERT. Oh you know Monday blues

ALEX. And where is your Thermos?...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title page
• Contents
• Original Production Details
• Anything Is Possible If You Think About It Hard Enough
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information