It's Fine, It's Fine, It's Fine

It's Not

Taz Alam

• Publisher: HarperCollins
• Year: 2021
• eBook ISBN:
  9780008501396
• Topic: Letteratura
• Subtopic: Poesia religiosa

It’s not fine

(struggles/hitting a new low)

‘it’s fine.’

I like to sleep in the day,

And stay up at night.

Because it’s the only time I’m left alone,

And not made to feel guilty about life.

‘it’s fine.’

I’m exhausted,

Tired of constantly being in survival mode.

Feels like I’ve been stuck here my whole life,

And there’s no end to this road.

‘it’s fine.’

I’ve spent the past seven years

working towards a future I never chose.

And now my days are cursed with regret.

I’m in too deep that I’m scared to admit,

I’m living an existence I’d rather forget.

‘it’s fine.’

I’m finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact,

That the person I see in the mirror

isn’t who I am or want to be.

And it terrifies me to think about how

My true self might never be allowed out or set free.

‘it’s fine.’

I feel like I’m running out of time,

And I haven’t achieved anything yet.

The clock is ticking and everyone’s watching,

By now I should have had my life all set.

‘it’s fine.’

I’m tired of empty conversations,

Meaningless small talk that leads to nothing.

I’m desperately craving something real,

I just want to feel something.

‘it’s fine.’

I find it hard to truly let people in,

So I create versions of myself people like to see.

I’ve played charades my whole life,

So I no longer know what it means to be me.

‘it’s fine.’

I’m scared of being judged,

So I’ve learned to put on a mask.

I wish people were forgiving and compassionate,

Why does that feel like such a big ask?

‘it’s fine.’

i don’t want to be strong

I don’t want to be strong.

I don’t want to fight.

I just want to feel safe,

And trust things will be alright.

i’m not okay

For as long as I can remember

I’ve always had this void in my life,

It’s this empty feeling deep deep inside of you

that you can’t quite shake –

no matter how hard you try.

It sort of consumes and eats away at you,

You’ll have great happy moments

and just when you thought everything was fine

– surprise!

The feeling always comes back,

it’s just a matter of time.

The constant frustration to fill this void,

something to ease the pain.

What’s the cause?

Nobody knows.

Yet you feel the same sad, hollow feeling

every single day.

It leaves me feeling so empty and down,

like I’m missing something somehow.

Something that’s a big part of me

and once I have it,

I’ll be happy.

I just need that one thing,

this missing key,

and when I get my hands on it,

I’ll be complete.

I’ve tried everything – friends, education, material stuff,

but no matter how hard I try,

it never seems to be enough.

It sucks,

and I know people will say

that you just need to be positive,

or the solution to all of your problems is self-love.

But it’s not as simple as that,

not when you’ve got to the point

where you just feel numb.

I thought that when I grew up

things would be different,

I just thought …

it would be different.

You look at other people

and they always look so happy.

You know you observe people’s lives

whether that be in person, social media, TV,

and it seems to come to them so naturally.

And I know all of that stuff can be misleading,

but when you feel so down and empty,

you can’t help but think, why can’t that be me?

Because you want that,

you so desperat...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Copyright
• Note to Readers
• Dedication
• Contents
• My note to you
• How to use this book
• who am i?
• misunderstood
• it’s not fine
• to my younger self…
• am i enough?
• healing
• i’m fine
• Where to start if you’re looking for further help
• Acknowledgements
• About the author
• About the Publisher