Practical Wisdom for Youth Ministry

The Not-So-Simple Truths That Matter

David Fraze

• Publisher: Leafwood Publishers
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN: 9780891124344
• eBook ISBN: 9781684269938
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Christian Ministry

You have the passion it takes to serve in youth ministry, but where do you start?
All youth ministers have asked this question to themselves at least once in their career: "What do I do now?" Practical Wisdom for Youth Ministry is a practical, concise starting point to help answer that question and many others. This resource is packed with expert advice and personal testimony to support and encourage ministers and volunteers working with youth.
Practical Wisdom for Youth Ministry addresses many pressing issues for youth ministers with straightforward steps that are both biblically grounded and easy to apply. It discusses large-scale concerns such as organization, budgeting, and outreach, as well as personal concerns such as marriage, self care, and conflict. For new and veteran youth ministers, David Fraze offers the necessary tools to help build a strong foundation for effective, powerful ministry.

MARRIAGE
MATTERS

“If this is what youth ministry is going to be like, I am out!”

My wife and I had been married for six months when we began our first youth ministry job. I was twenty-one and she was nineteen. We followed a single, interim youth minister who had done an incredible job getting the ministry ready for transition. He gave us a great gift by setting up the entire summer schedule so that Lisa and I could concentrate on acclimating to our new ministry and building relationships.

In retrospect, both he and I would conclude later that the amount of activity was out of balance, but Lisa and I were young and naive, and we jumped into our new adventure at fullspeed. That summer was like driving a racing go-cart on a rain-soaked slick track. You have your foot on the floor, arrogantly controlling the slippage on the corners with your “professional” driving skills, until “bam!” A car sharing the track taps you on the turn. You find yourself in an uncontrollable spin, coming to a sudden stop, facing the oncoming cars, waiting for someone to complete your humiliation by running across the track to correct your direction and get you back in the race.

Get the picture? That was how my first summer in youth ministry concluded.

“I am done with youth ministry!” said the other driver on the track, my wife of six months.

Very quickly, we realized the pace at which we were racing was unsustainable and destructive to our marriage. We were fortunate that those running across the track to correct our direction were church leaders who cared deeply about the success of our marriage. They did much more than teach us how to tap the brakes on slick turns. They pulled us out of the car and off the slick track. Our leaders demanded we slow down, go to a class with our peers,¹ and make use of our youth team (parents) to better organize the ministry.

“We are fine!” was how I arrogantly responded when my leaders first approached. I am so thankful these godly men and women looked past my arrogance, pride, and insecurity to lovingly demand I take care of my marriage first. Their lessons continue to echo in our minds, lessons that have sustained our youth ministry marriage for more than twenty-six years.

TRUTH: MARRIAGE MATTERS.

WHY?

Marriage is intended to be a reflection of the intimate love, devotion, and sacrifice Christ has for his church. Therefore, a youth minister’s marriage is one of the greatest, if not the greatest, testimonies and tools he has to impact the lives of teenagers with the gospel of Jesus.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh (Gen. 2:24).

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Eph. 5:21).

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband (Eph. 5:31–33).

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them (Col. 3:18–19).

. . . so that no one will malign the word of God (Titus 2:5b).

. . . so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us (Titus 2:8b).

Early on in our ministry, I was not affectionate with my wife in public. Really. I did not hold her hand, kiss her goodbye, put my arm around her at the camp dinner table, or cuddle with her by the campfire. Don’t get me wrong—I loved doing all those things in private, but for some reason, I did not think it appropriate to do this in front of teenagers. That is when my wife, a product of a single-parent upbringing due to divorce, taught me how important the testimony and witness of a healthy marriage can be in a teenager’s life.

“David, we may be the only healthy marriage a student sees,” she said. “They need to know what a healthy, affectionate, devoted, sacrificial relationship looks like.”

That conversation ended my avoidance of public displays of affection (PDA). Even though students, including our own, love yelling “that’s gross,” we continue to think of our marriage as a testimony and tool of the gospel. More than once, a student from long ago has posted on social media or communicated in a private message his or her gratitude for how we lived our marriage in front of them. Students also witnessed moments when our marriage was not so affectionate because we were not having a “good day.” That’s real life. While being authentic, we are appropriate with our public relationship. We understand, and so do our teenagers, that a great marriage has a level of intimacy that is protected and shared with each other and God alone.

Because of the tremendous power a healthy marriage has to validate and spread the gospel of Jesus, I believe Satan has targeted marriages. Think about it. How many students and families would be shaken if your marriage failed? Take care of your marriage.

HOW?

Choice is inherent in relationship. A great marriage is based on making great choices. A choice to follow Jesus as Lord is foundational (read all those verses again). You build upon that foundation by making a choice to sacrificially love your spouse. It is easy...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• Acknowledgments
• Foreword
• Introduction
• The Bible Matters
• Boundaries Matter
• Budgets Matter
• The Church Matters
• Communication Matters
• Conflict Matters
• Entertainment Matters
• Marriage Matters
• Mission Trips and Service Projects Matter
• Office Hours Matter
• Organization Matters
• Outreach Matters
• Physical Health Matters
• Relationships Matter
• Retreats and Camps Matter
• Safety Matters
• Self-Care Matters
• Sexual Purity Matters
• Teaching Matters
• Volunteers Matter
• Worship Matters
• Youth Ministry Matters
• End Matter
• Endnotes