Facets of the Family Constellation -- Volume 2

Marc Baco, Robert E Anderson

• Publisher: Babelcube Inc.
• Year: 2021
• eBook ISBN: 9781667411149
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: Psychotherapy
• Index: Psychology

This is a highly readable guide to the powerful family constellations method of therapy, which is based on recreating family patterns within the therapeutic context.  

Resource constellation: How to become aware of old and new sources of strength

"Again and again I lose myself in relationships and become dependent on my partner!" laments Anastasia.

"How does it show?"

"I do everything for him, and often I feel like I'm betraying myself and my desires and goals in the process ..."

"Do you know what resources are?"

"Commodities like oil and gas ...?"

"Yes, that too, but here at Family Constellations, we understand it to mean reliable sources that you can connect with in difficult situations in your life to overcome or resolve them well. There are inner and outer resources. Maybe you could use one or more resources to strengthen or better assert your ego. Shall we look for your very own resources together?"

Family constellations and resources

Resources in the context of family constellations are 'sources of strength' that we draw on to overcome challenges in our lives. In most cases, this happens unconsciously. You can also build new resources for yourself. This is practiced in some forms of therapy, such as psychotherapy.

Resources can be:

- living or already deceased people (such as your empathetic grandmother, for example)

- Abstract things like faith, humor, trust in the universe, nature, etc.

- A beautiful or nurturing experience, such as a special vacation that you still remember today or the birth of your child that was very fulfilling for you

- Spiritual beings like angels, shamanic power animals, ascended masters or similar.

- Places (also non-localizable places) such as a pond, a mountain, a place of power, but also a spiritual 'meta-space', for example.

- Natural spaces and landscapes: sea, forest, the Erz Mountains, Tuscany ...

- Time qualities, such as Christmas time, spring, full moon, etc.

- Animals and plants: Dogs, horses, cherry tree, oak tree, etc.

- Physical activities: dance, yoga, sports, music, etc.

- Knowledge, see below for psychoeducation

Special requirements for resources in trauma

In the context of trauma, I would like to suggest that you 'discover' at least one resource of yours (most of the time you are already using it unconsciously) that meets some particular criteria:

- no human being if possible: Of course, your best friend can be a wonderful resource. However, for trauma, I would encourage you to have resources where you don't have to rely on others. People are not perfect. When a person acts as a resource, it can easily overwhelm them (even if they are already dead).

- the resource should be accessible at any time (namely when the trauma is triggered), immediately, on the spot, without you having to move (especially because of the paralysis caused by strong fear in trauma). This eliminates places (except imaginary metaspace), natural spaces and landscapes, qualities of time, animals and plants, and physical activities. But not the experience or relationship that you have with them. For example, if you can connect well with Tuscany from anywhere, then Tuscany can be a very good resource for you.

Thus, abstract things, experiences and spiritual beings are ideal. The latter are of course a matter of faith.

The detailed resource list of Anastasia

The resource constellation has the goal of finding at least one reliable resource that can then be worked with again and again, or that you can quickly connect with in crisis situations in order to be able to act.

Case 1: Anastasia

Anastasia is a 'Russian-German' from Uzbekistan who came to Germany 15 years ago. She quickly gets into a dependency relationship in relationships. Before we look at the topic directly in a later constellation, Anastasia has decided to do a resource constellation. She wants to achieve a healthy ego strength.

During a lengthy preliminary discussion, four resources crystallize:

R 1: Her Orthodox faith

R 2: Her first riding lesson

R 3: Music by Rachmaninoff

R 4: Nature

We line up. Anastasia chooses one male representative each for faith and music, and one female representative each for the riding lesson and nature (as well as a woman for herself).

Figure 1: Initial image

(A = Anastasia, R 1 = Orthodox faith, R 2 = First riding lesson, R 3 = Music by Rachmaninoff, R 4 = Nature)

It is noticeable that Anastasia has placed her representative at the edge and the resources are 'spread out' in the room. I ask her to walk very slowly to the center of the circle and report how she feels.

L = Location Manager, other abbreviations as above.

A: (walks slowly to the center) I feel observed, especially by faith. Somehow I'm not allowed to be the center of attention... It feels good to walk towards the riding lesson, it warms my heart (she has arrived in the middle by now).

L: Look at faith – how do you feel when you look at it?

A: Small, a little uncomfortable ...

L (to faith): How do you feel about Anastasia?

R 1: Nothing special.

L: Anastasia, do you agree that faith is not really a resource and that we can take it out?

A: Yes, now I see it too.

Faith (R 1) leaves the lineup.

Figure 2: Intermediate image 1

(A = Anastasia, R 2 = First riding lesson, R 3 = Music by Rachmaninoff, R 4 = Nature)

L: What does the riding lesson feel toward Anastasia?

R 2: Good. I am looking forward to them.

L: How are you doing with the riding lesson?

A (smiles): Very good. May I go to her?

L: Yes, but please go to her slowly.

She does so and stands to the right of the riding lesson. Shortly after, they grab each other's hands.

L: What do you feel now?

A: Connectedness, power, something like "I can achieve anything".

Figure 3: Intermediate image 2

(A = Anastasia, R 2 = First riding lesson, R 3 = Music by Rachmaninoff, R 4 = Nature)

L: How are you doing with the music, Anastasia?

A: I think it's a pity that she doesn't look at me. I would like to see her too.

L (to R 3): What's going on with you? How do you feel about Anastasia?

R 3: Good, but I am a bit absent-minded and look into the distance.

L (to R 3): Can you look at them?

R 3 (turns to A): Yes, but it's not easy for me.

L (to client Anastasia): Did anyone else in your family like to listen to Rachmaninoff?

A (client): Yes, my father. I liked to sit on his lap when he listened to a record when I was really little.

L: In principle, that's something beautiful. But as a resource we prefer not to use people. And the music has more the character of the relationship with your father, in which you were naturally dependent as a child – that doesn't quite fit with our constellation goal. C...

Table of contents

• Foreword
• Covert lineup: how ignorance contributes to solutions
• Spiritual family constellation: a good approach in the case of a family secret
• Parentification and reenactment – Are you stuck in the vicious circle of overwork and burnout?
• Encumbered buildings and land: how places affect you
• Alcoholism: why it is so hard to get away from alcohol
• The wonder question – really feeling what it's like to have no problem for once
• Family abuse over the years – is life over?
• Magical thinking and acting versus dignity
• Bullying – How familiarity affects your workplace
• Heirs and inheritance disputes – how families can break up
• Fantasy – the dark side of the power of imagination
• Inner team constellation: understanding the thieving side of you
• Discipleship: how to overcome death wish and guilt
• Resource constellation: How to become aware of old and new sources of strength
• Single mothers with sons: difficult for both sides
• Panic attacks and anxiety disorders in family constellations
• Meaninglessness and the search for meaning – How Viktor Frankl's logotherapy can be integrated into family constellations
• How a Caesarean section can shape your life
• Inner Team Constellations: How to develop your encouraging appreciator
• Perinatal trauma: birth complications
• Paradoxical intervention: how to soften stubbornness
• When triangulation and parentification occur simultaneously
• Attachments from lost, unredeemed souls: How to reclaim your life
• Domestic violence against women – When the perpetrator is in bed next to you
• From victim to perpetrator: the "profit" of the perpetrator structure
• Afterword
• Literature
• About me