Very Special Guest Star

Tom Wright

• Publisher: Methuen Drama
• Year: 2022
• Print ISBN: 9781350304017
• eBook ISBN: 9781350304031
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Media & Performing Arts
• Subtopic: British Drama

In a desperate attempt to bring some spark back to their all-too-cosy married life, professional millennials Michael and Phil switch a sherry on the couch for a night on the town. Their goal: to get in with Generation Z by trying to get off with one.

Enter fit, sexy, confident Quasim. But the 'just for one night' adventure brings shocking revelations as Michael and Phil discover more about the 20-year-old boy in their bed than they ever wanted to know, and their suburban dream is shaken to its core.

Following the sold out runs of critical hits Undetectable (nominated for 3 Off West End Awards) and My Dad's Gap Year (nominated for 4 Off West End Awards), Tom Wright's darkly comedic and wildly sexy new play is his most provocative show to date.

Very Special Guest Star

Characters

Phil, 40, Black British

(South-London born, cockney accent)

Cheeky, boyishly avuncular, guiltily horny.

Quasim, 20, Middle-Eastern

(MLE accent with slight Middle-Eastern twang)

Laidback, deliberately cool, sexually manipulative, surprisingly naive.

Michael, 38, White British

(Relaxed middle-class, London accent)

Fitness freak, pushy but considerate, determined to let loose.

The stylish living room of a family home in suburban London. In one half of the room there’s a large sofa, big TV, walls scattered with brightly coloured art. In the other there’s an impressive wooden dining table and a clear patio door leading to a garden. The table is covered with uncharacteristic mess, as if the owners left in hurry: used glasses and left over snacks. Connected by an array of exotic houseplants, stands a bookcase with a framed photograph of a family. 2 am. There’s some noise from the corridor. The front door opening and closing. Phil enters the living room and sighs.

Phil Shit.

Phil starts clearing up the mess. He eats some of the snacks, then smells his breath.

Phil Fuck sake.

Phil takes out an iPhone and with a few clicks turn on the Sonos system. Music blares full volume.

Phil Shit, shit, shit!

He manages to turn it down. There are five thuds from next door.

Phil Sorry! (Under his breathe.) Snobs.

Quasim enters nervously.

Phil Come in! You must have been busting. Long taxi, right? We’re basically in Mordor!

Quasim fusses with his wet hands.

Phil Wasn’t there a towel? Here, let me get you a –

Quasim Is fine. I’ll juss –

Phil Can I get you anything else? Are you hungry? Are you warm enough?

Quasim This place is trendy.

Phil ‘Trendy’? Are you taking the piss?

Quasim Is sick.

Phil Fuck off! You’ll get old too, one day.

Quasim Oh shit. You ain’t old are you?

Phil You’re as old as the man you feel. So they say ...

Quasim So if I feel you, what does that make me?

Phil Fucked.

Beat. Quasim laughs.

Phil Do you like Prince?

Quasim Who?

Phil Prince, prince. Prince!

Phil gestures to the music. Quasim smiles politely.

Phil Fuck. OK how about David Bowie?

Quasim Yeah. Course.

Phil Thank god for that. Which song would you like?

Quasim You pick.

Phil changes the track to ‘Let’s Dance’.

Phil (singing along) Ahhhhh. Ahhhhh. Ahhhhh! Let’s dance. (To Quasim.) Shall we?

Quasim I wanna watch.

Phil Come on! Let’s have a boogie!

Quasim Your dancing is classic Dad swag.

Phil Boogie woogie, baby!

Quasim(shouting over the music) So are you from London?

Phil turns the music down.

Phil Pardon, monsieur?

Quasim I said, are you from London? Like, originally?

Phil Yeah. London born and bred.

Quasim Nice nice. Whereabouts?

Phil South London. Well, not this far south. But –

Quasim Your accent is bare sexy. Proper old school geezer.

Phil Oh ... Thank you?

Quasim Have you ever wanted to like, properly move away?

Phil From London? What’s out there that you can’t get in London?

Quasim For real? Like, everything.

Phil Where are you from?

Quasim investigates the room. Phil edges his way to the bookcase.

Quasim Where you work? Must be making solid dollar, living here.

Phil You are looking at a very big time, very important, family lawyer.

Quasim Wow. Shit. Really?

Phil Yep. I passed the bar fifteen years back. And don’t you dare do the maths.

Quasim Thas actually amazing. You must like, proper love it.

Phil Must I?

Quasim Well, yeah, fifteen years.

Phil Oh hunny. It doesn’t work like that.

Quasim Well it should, ennit. Life’s short. Handsome.

Phil pretends to choke and die. Quasim laughs.

Phil What do you do, Quasim?

Quasim peers through the patio door into the garden.

Phil Surveying my delectable kingdom!

Quasim What happened?

Phil Ah. I’ve been redoing the ... It’s not in the best shape right now, but – Why don’t you come over here and admire my figgety fig?

Quasim continues his investigation of the room. Phil attempts to hide the framed photograph.

Quasim What’s that?

Phil Nothing.

Quasim Why you hidin’ it?

Phil Hiding?

Quasim D...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Dedication
• Title
• Contents
• Creative Team
• Cast
• Production Companies
• About Omnibus Theatre
• Author’s Thanks
• Very Special Guest Star
• eCopyright