How Do We Talk with Skeptics? (Questions for Restless Minds)

Sam Chan, D. A. Carson

• Publisher: Lexham Press
• Year: 2021
• Print ISBN: 9781683595212
• eBook ISBN: 9781683595229
• Topic: Théologie et religion
• Subtopic: Ministère chrétien

"You want your non-believing friends to be brothers and sisters in Christ. But how do you talk about Jesus without driving them away? In How Do We Talk with Skeptics?, Sam Chan shows you how to walk the tightrope by offering ten wise tips to keep the balance right. Listen well. Speak persuasively. Learn hospitality. Gently reveal the holes in your friend's worldview. Gain wisdom on when to speak and when to listen. With Chan's help, you can keep your friends while being a faithful witness for Christ"--

1

BE REALISTIC ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU’LL TALK

Recently I was in the hospital for over two weeks as a patient. To pass the time, I watched several of Aaron Sorkin’s movies—A Few Good Men, Molly’s Game, and The American President. These movies don’t have gunfights, car chases, or a big CGI (Computer-Generated Imagery) fight scene at the end. But what they have is dramatic tension that climaxes in a stirring speech from the lead actor. The speech is the pinnacle of the movie. The speech knocks away all opposition. It is the “drop the mic” moment. But the speech is just as unbelievable as any Hollywood gunfight, car chase, or superhero CGI fight. Because in real life, for a variety of reasons, it just wouldn’t happen that way.

Maybe up until now we’ve pictured the moment we talk to our skeptical friends about Jesus as just like an Aaron Sorkin speech. But I’m here to explain why it probably won’t happen that way.1 That’s because there are basically three scenarios for talking to nonbelievers about things that matter, such as the gospel. The first scenario is being invited to give a public talk—usually to a “mixed audience” of believers and nonbelievers. For example, in my work with City Bible Forum in Australia, I often give talks at cafés, pubs, and conference rooms to a variety of audiences, ranging from lawyers, traders, accountants, to high-school students. In this scenario, I can monologue for twenty minutes and then answer whatever questions people ask me afterwards. I do almost 90–100 percent of the talking, and the audience knows very little about my personal life, apart from what I tell them. I am also in control of the agenda and direction of the conversation. As a result, the talk is a logical progression of ideas in an ordered and coherent argument. And because my talks are advertised as addressing weighty issues, I can spend most of the time talking about important things—values, worldviews, matters of faith, spirituality, and religion.

In the second scenario, we find ourselves talking to a stranger, whom we will never meet again. For example, in my work, I often find myself talking to the Uber driver or the person sitting next to me on the plane. In this scenario, the stranger and I will share the talking—it’s a 50–50 percent split. We go back-and-forth. I talk, and they talk. Here, the person still knows very little about my personal life, but they might have some clues as to the person I am. Am I polite to the flight attendant? Did I sit in the front seat or the back seat with the Uber driver? Did I offer to share my snacks? Here, I still have some control of the agenda and direction of the conversation, but so does the other person. As a result, we might flitter between talking about things that matter and things that don’t matter all that much—for example, the weather, the sports scores, and what the traffic is like.

In the third scenario, which is the topic of this chapter, we are trying to talk to close friends and family, whom we might be stuck with for the rest of our lives. For example, in my work as a medical doctor, most of the doctors and nurses that I work with are nonbelievers. I also have close family members—an uncle, a cousin—who are nonbelievers. In this scenario, things are no longer so straightforward. On the one hand, we have multiple opportunities to have conversations. But on the other hand, if the conversation becomes unpleasant, things will be awkward between us every time that we have to see each other again. Another difficulty is that if we’ve already had a few conversations about things that matter—the environment, gun control, immigration, the gospel—and they don’t agree with us, then it’s highly unlikely that they will change their minds just because we bring the matter up again.

In this scenario, the nature of the conversation will be very organic. There is no logical presentation of ideas. Instead, the conversation evolves on its own accord. Furthermore, we may well find that the other person does almost 90–100 percent of the talking. We get to do only 0–10 percent of the talking! The ratio of talking versus listening is completely flipped from what it is to give a public talk. Conversely, they will know almost 100 percent of our personal life. Again, this is completely flipped from what it is when we give a public talk.

Why is this important? Because, as you probably know, the Ancient Greeks taught that there are three components to a message—logos (what I say), pathos (the way I make you feel), and ethos (how I live). When I give a public talk, there is a lot of logos and pathos, but little ethos. But when it comes to talking to close friends and family, ethos becomes a huge component in our message.

The Bible has similar insights. For example, in 1 Peter 3:1–2, it says that non-believing husbands can be “won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of [their] lives.” That is to say, in close personal relationships our ethos—the way we live—might be much more persuasive than our logos—what we say.

So we understand that there is a spectrum of engagements with nonbelievers. Giving a public talk is not the same as talking to a stranger on a plane; and talking to a stranger on a plane is not the same as talking to your roommate about Jesus. As a result, we need to be realistic in our expectations. For example, if we’re talking to a close friend, we probably will not be able to give a twenty-minute monologue. And that’s OK. We should not be comparing our evangelistic method with Billy Graham’s at Wembley Stadium. Nor to an Aaron Sorkin speech!

But even more, it also shows the disproportionately large part that ethos plays in personal evangelism. What we say is important. But the more closely someone knows us, the more they will be persuaded by our way of life than merely by what we can say.

	Public Talk	Talking to a Stranger	Friends/Family
You Talking	90–100%	50%	0–10%
You Listening	0–10%	50%	90–100%
Your Personal Life Shared	0–10%	20–30%	90–100%
Nature of Conversation	logical, linear, orderly	back-and-forth	organic, unstructured
Type of conversation	one-off monologue	one-off conversation	multiple conversations

2

FIND CREATIVE WAYS TO DO HOSPITALITY

I grew up in Australia. My Asian parents never had roofracks on their cars. That’s because Asian parents back then generally didn’t surf or go camping. So they had no need for roofracks. So, as a child, I never noticed any roofracks. But now that I’m all grown up, I wanted to buy roofracks for my car. And that’s when I noticed that roofracks are everywhere. There are grey ones. There are black ones. There are rounded ones. And there are oblong ones. How did I not notice all of this before?

It’s the same with hospitality. For most of my Christian life I hadn’t noticed hospitality in the Bible. But now that I go looking for it, hospitality is everywhere in the Bible. The word “hospitality” occurs in Acts, Romans, 1 Timothy, Hebrews, 1 Peter, and 3 John. In other words, almost every New Testament writer uses it.

But the idea of hospitality goes beyond the word occurrence. It’s there when Zacchaeus welcomes Jesus into his home with joy (Luke 19:5–6). Or when Levi throws a banquet for Jesus and invites his tax-collecting friends (Luke 5:29). It’s there when Lydia invites Paul and his entourage to her home (Acts 16:15). Or when the jailer takes Paul and Silas to his home for a meal (Acts 16:34). Interestingly, in many of these examples, it’s the nonbeliever who is hospitable to the believer!

But what’s the big deal about hospitality? You see, hospitality provides the spaces where conversations occur. In almost every other area of life it’s difficult to have a conversation of any weighty matter. Sometimes it’s because it’s inconvenient—they have a train to catch. Sometimes it’s inappropriate—they should be working and not talking to you. Sometimes it goes against social etiquette—it’s not the time nor place to talk. But the whole point of a meal together is to talk. The great irony of eating together is that it isn’t about the food. It’s about connecting. Relating. And talking.

There are several things that we can take away from this point about hospitality. First, if a nonbeliever invites us to their home for a meal, we should make it a top priority to go. In Luke 7, we have the story of a woman anointing and washing Jesus’ feet with her hair, tears, and perfume. This is a major moment in the story. But it also distracts us from another key moment in the story. And it’s this: When Simon the Pharisee invited Je...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Series Preface (D. A. Carson)
• Introduction
• Chapter 1: Be Realistic about How Much You’ll Talk
• Chapter 2: Find Creative Ways to Do Hospitality
• Chapter 3: Learn the Art of Conversation
• Chapter 4: Learn the Art of Listening
• Chapter 5: Learn the Art of Presenting Our Point of View
• Chapter 6: Gently Dismantle Their Worldview
• Chapter 7: Learn the Art of Positive Apologetics
• Chapter 8: Use Wisdom as an Entry Point
• Chapter 9: Become the de Facto Chaplain in Their Lives
• Chapter 10: Look for “Black Swan” Moments
• Conclusion
• Acknowledgments
• Study Guide Questions
• For Further Reading