Mojo Mickybo (NHB Modern Plays)

Owen McCafferty

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2021
• eBook ISBN: 9781788505116
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

Two Belfast lads, Mojo and Mickybo, relive the summer of 1970, when they were growing up in the city, playing headers, building huts and re-enacting cowboy movies.

At first, their friendship is immune to the sectarian violence taking place around them. But nobody is safe from it forever...

Owen McCafferty's play Mojo Mickybo is an unsentimental portrayal of innocence betrayed by communal hatred. It was first performed at Andrews Lane Studio, Dublin, in October 1998.

The production subsequently toured in Ireland and Scotland in 1998 and 1999.

A feature film version, Mickybo and Me, was released in 2004, adapted and directed by Terry Loane, with Julie Walters, Ciarán Hinds and Gina McKee in supporting roles.

The play was revived at the Arcola Theatre, London, in 2007, afterwards transferring to the Trafalgar Studios in the West End.

' Mojo Mickybo marries the polished ferocity of Howie the Rookie with the chirpy candour of Disco Pigs... This play is an energising reminder of the fact that all you need for truly magical theatre is a writer inspired by the thought of the stories that can be made on the stage' - Scotsman

'A glorious, vivid little play full of verbal swagger... creates vast emotional ripples... small but lethal' - Guardian

MOJO. mojo

MICKYBO. mickybo

MOJO. mickybo mojo

MICKYBO. mojo mickybo

Mickybo is heading a football against the wall.

NARRATOR. belfast – the summer of 1970 – the heat’s meltin the tarmac on the street the buses are burnin bright an punters are drinkin petrol outta milk bottles – this is where mojo an mickybo used to play

MOJO. yer a header mickybo

MICKYBO. gonna bate the record

MOJO. bate it in yer granny’s trunks

MICKYBO. yer granny’s trunks – mickybo’s the man – bate five hundred an twenty-nine – roun to gank the wank an spit in his eye

MOJO. dig ye he will

MICKYBO. bate that gank – spit in his big rubber eye

MOJO. many ya done?

MICKYBO. a hundred an twenty-three – twenty-four – twenty-five . . .

MOJO. mickybo flat head

MICKYBO. onion dome

MOJO. barney rip the balls comes out you’ll be onion dome

MICKYBO. comes near me i’ll boot his cat up the hole

MOJO. would ye?

MICKYBO. aye – big hairy boot right up the hole an into the lagan

MOJO. get ye with that big knife cut the gizzard outta ye

MICKYBO. i’ll cut the gizzard outta him – see when he’s lyin there with no gizzard i’ll spit in his good eye an gliss his chops

MOJO. he comes out that door you’ll shit yerself

MICKYBO. you’ll shit yerself – you always shit yerself

MOJO. you do

MICKYBO. you do

MOJO. kack the breeks

MICKYBO. shit the trunks

NARRATOR. mojo mickybo – thick as two small thieves – the greatest lads god ever pumped breath into – the day they met was the hottest ever in the whole of christendom – the sweats drippin from the trees an dogs are jumpin off bridges in the hope they can fly – the world draggin itself along like it was out of breath – a belter

MOJO. many ya done now mickybo?

MICKYBO. three hundred an twenty-four – twenty-five – twenty-six . . .

MOJO. yer arse is in america

MICKYBO. ganko the wanko over an outo

MOJO. barneyo ripo the ballso

MICKYBO. barneyo no gizzardo

NARRATOR. that day wee mojo was on his own – an empty type of a day – the type a day you’d kick stones an chalk yer name on a wall rather than listen to yer ma an da spittin bullets at each other – that type of a day – know what a mean

MOJO. many now mickybo?

MICKYBO. four hundred an thirty-six – thirty-seven – thirty- eight – mojo?

MOJO. wha?

MICKYBO. how d’ya stop a biafran from drownin?

NARRATOR. throw him a polo mint

MICKYBO. throw him a polo mint

MOJO. polo mints are catmalogion

MICKYBO. catmalogion – sherbert dips

MOJO. weeker

MICKYBO. weeker

NARRATOR. after danderin here there an nowhere mojo foun himself in the park – an for the want of somethin to do he just lay on his back an looked up at the sky thinkin to himself – that if he were a giant that ate clouds he’d starve on days like this – an the only place they could bury him would be the park

MOJO. ya done yet mickybo?

MICKYBO. five hundred an thirty (He stops heading.) told ye told ye told ye – gank the wank bate by mickybo – five hundred an thirty headers – the bo – the lad – barney rip the balls’ backdoor

NARRATOR. kick kick kick – blatter blatter blatter

MICKYBO. barney rip the balls picks his arse with a big fishbone – yer cat’s a dead man – offski

NARRATOR. so we’re there – the first day – mojo an mickybo – mickybo’s sittin on the groun under a big dead tree diggin a hole in the dirt with a stick – mojo’s standin lookin

MICKYBO. what ya lookin at?

MOJO. nothin

MICKYBO. i’m diggin a hole with a stick – might find somethin

MOJO. like wha?

MICKYBO. don’t know haven’t foun it yet – treasure maybe – i’m hidin as well like – you hidin?

MOJO. nah – rollin down the hill

MICKYBO. weeker – i’m hidin from gank the wank an fuckface – ya see em?

MOJO. nah don’t know em

MICKYBO. i hate them – ugly bastards – stole my bike – a chopper – gears an everythin it had – said they didn’t but the did – know barney rip the balls?

MOJO. nah

MICKYBO. everybody knows rip the balls – he puts black boot polish in his hair an doesn’t wear no socks – an my da says he pisses in the sink cause he couldn’t be fucked to go out to the yard – nobody’s ever saw im but me – i saw im buryin dead rats over the timbers – wanna dig with the stick?

MOJO. aye

MICKYBO. if yer ball goes into his yard he slits it with a big knife an ya never get it back – i kicked fuckface’s ball into his yard cause he stole my bike – big knife in fuckface’s ball – now they’re after me – if ya sat here all summer ya could dig yer way to australia

MOJO. aye – or china

MICKYBO. what’s yer name?

MOJO. mojo

MICKYBO. i’m mickybo – mojo mickybo mickybo mojo – sounds like a gang – where ya from?

MOJO. up the road – where you from?

MICKYBO. over the bridge – you go to school up the road?

MOJO. aye

MICKYBO. i hate school – gank an fuckface always get their gang to chase me roun the yard

MOJO. school’s wick – except lunchtime – go over the brickies an have sand fights

MICKYBO. can ya fight?

MOJO. i kicked applegoat up the balls once cause he farted in my face – hairy dan slapped me

MICKYBO. me an you could be against gank the wank an fuckface – you could kick em up the balls

MOJO. are the big?

MICKYBO. ugly big bastards – me an you bate them though – get them one at a time kick em up the balls

MOJO. aye – alright

MICKYBO. you’ll have to swear on it

MOJO. i swear on my granny’s eyes i’m the enemy of gank the wank an fuckface

MICKYBO. if ya break the swear her eyes’ll explode

MOJO. aye

MICKYBO. ya wanna roll down the hill

MOJO. rollin down the hill’s weeker

MICKYBO. last to the bottom stinks a shite

NARRATOR. the lads rolled down the hill for two days an then went to the pictures – the saturday mornin club

MOJO / MICKYBO. good morning uncle sidney

UNCLE SIDNEY (showman). good morning children

MOJO / MICKYBO. big smiles for yer uncle sidney

UNCLE SIDNEY. get yer smelly kebs off that seat or i’ll bust yer fuckin arse

MOJO / MICKEYBO. sorry uncle sidney

MOJO. where ya goin mickybo?

MICKYBO. crawl under the seats up to the front an fire cola cubes up at batman’s head

MOJO. torchwoman’ll get ye – tell yer ma

MICKYBO. i’ll use the anti-torchwoman bat gun

MOJO. hollygwaockamoly batman not the an...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title page
• Contents
• Original Production Details
• Dedication
• Characters
• Mojo Mickybo
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information