Uncle John's New & Improved Briefs

Fast Facts, Terse Trivia & Astute Articles

Bathroom Readers' Institute

• Publisher: Portable Press
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN: 9781626861749
• eBook ISBN: 9781684124183

Get your trivia on the go with this Uncle John's anthology of fun fast facts, includes over twenty-five pages of new content! Uncle John's New & Improved Briefs is chock-full of thousands of great facts and hundreds of quick hits covering history, origins, blunders, sports, pop science, and entertainment plus a sprinkling of riddles, puns, anagrams, and other classic wordplay. Read about...

• The secrets of top-secret spy lingo
• The monkey that got a head transplant... and lived
• Bizarre recipes: jellied moose nose, steamed muskrat legs, and haggis
• The worst movie bloopers from Best Picture Oscar winners
• The little-known story of the best deal in sports history
• The man behind Death Valley's "Castle in the Desert"
• How to decipher the hidden codes on a dollar bill
• Sinister left-handed facts
• Earth's greatest hits

And much, much more!

HOLLYWOOD’S #1 STAR

For some reason, “answering the call of nature” has worked its way into nearly every Tom Hanks movie.

• The Money Pit (1986): Beleaguered homeowner Walter Fielding (Hanks) notices a cherub statue in his yard is having trouble “peeing.” “Prostate trouble?” he asks. Later, Walter pees on a small tree in his garden and it falls down.

• Joe Versus the Volcano (1990): Joe pees off of the luggage raft.

• A League Of Their Own (1992): Washed-up baseball star Jimmy Dugan pees for nearly a minute in the girls’ locker room. “Boy, that was some good peein’,” comments Mae (Madonna).

• Forrest Gump (1994): When Forrest meets John F. Kennedy, he informs the president, “I gotta pee.”

• Apollo 13 (1995): Astronaut Jim Lovell urinates into a collection tube. “It’s too bad we can’t show this on TV,” he says.

• Saving Private Ryan (1998): Captain John Miller and Sergeant Horvath (Tom Sizemore) talk about an old war buddy named Vecchio, who would “pee a ‘V’ on everyone’s jacket, for Vecchio, for Victory.”

• The Green Mile (1999): Warden Paul Edgecomb suffers from a painful urinary tract infection that has him “pissing razor blades.”

• Cast Away (2000): Marooned Fed-Ex executive Chuck Noland is peeing on the beach at night when he sees the faint light of a passing ship.

• Road to Perdition (2002): Mob hit man Michael Sullivan is asked if coffee makes him sweat. His reply: “It also makes me piss.”

• The Terminal (2004): Stranded immigrant Viktor Navorski must hold his pee for hours while waiting for a pay phone call at New York’s JFK Airport.

Ironically, one of the few movies that Tom Hanks doesn’t pee in, or even mention it, is…1984’s Splash.

Neither can you! A cat cannot see directly under its nose.

LET’S DANCE!

Even non-dancers will like the story behind this dance craze.

THE POLKA

This fast-paced dance is simple to learn, even for Uncle John. And it has a fun origin story, too…depending on who’s telling it. The Bohemian version—the one most often cited—claims that in 1834 a young peasant girl named Anna Slezak was bored one Sunday and decided to make up a new dance. She choreographed a hop-step-close-step pattern while singing a Czech folk song (“Uncle Nimra Brought a White Horse”). A local schoolmaster walked by and asked Anna to show it to him; he wrote down the steps and then introduced the polka (from the Czech word pulka, meaning “half-step”) in ballrooms in nearby Prague. The Polish version is similar: In the 1830s, a Bohemian man was visiting Poland when he saw a little girl dancing the polka (which may actually date as far back as the 1600s) and took the dance back home to Prague, where it was christened polka, meaning “Polish woman.”

Either way, thanks to the Bohemian army, the dance spread from dance hall to dance hall all over Europe, making it a huge fad in the mid-19th century. Much like rock ’n’ roll would be 100 years later, the polka was embraced by the youth culture and vilified by grown-ups, who had only recently accepted the much slower waltz as their dance of choice.

SQUEEZE BOX

For most of the 19th century, polkas were usually written for violins. But as Polish immigrants moved to America in the 20th century, they brought along their accordions (invented around the same time the polka became popular), a much more versatile instrument that allowed a single musician to play melody, harmony, rhythm, and bass—perfect for polka parties. The polka’s second golden age took full swing in the Midwest after World War II, where millions of European refugees settled and brought their culture with them. Polka legends such as Frank Yankovic and Lawrence Welk helped legitimize the lively music for adults—many of whom were appalled by rock ’n’ roll.

For more dance crazes, turn to page 150.

More than 90% of plane crashes have survivors.

Q & A: ASK THE EXPERTS

Everyone’s got a question or two they’d like answered—basic stuff like “Why is the sky blue?” Here are a few of those questions, with answers from some of the world’s top trivia experts.

MEN IN TIGHTS

Q: Why do superheroes wear their underwear on the outside?

A: “According to Julius Schwartz (famed editor of DC Comics from 1944 to 1986, who edited the most famous of all external-underwear superheroes, Superman), this was modeled after the garb of aerial circus performers and wrestlers of the era. It should be noted that wrestlers, circus performers, and superheroes weren’t actually wearing underpants over their leggings, but rather tight underwear-like shorts. As superheroes are generally incredibly athletic and perform amazing acrobatic stunts while crime-fighting, it was natural enough for the earliest superhero artists to adopt this style of dress for their characters.” (From The Wise Book of Whys)

A LITTLE TO THE LEFT

Q: Why is the computer cursor slanted and not straight up and down?

A: “Today, there’s no longer a good reason for the mouse cursor to be slanted. But in the infancy of digital displays, angling the cursor solved a real design problem. According to software developer Bart Gijssens, the mouse was first invented back in 1963 by Douglas Engelbart. The cursor was originally an arrow pointing up, but on the low-resolution displays of the day, it was often difficult to make out a tiny vertical line on a screen. So Engelbart decided to tilt the arrow to the left at an angle of about 45 degrees. The angle made the pointer easier to pick out against the pixelated background. Soon, Steve Jobs adopted the left-leaning pointer software from Engelbart, and then Bill Gates snagged it.” (Carey Dunne, FastCoDesign.com)

SLIPPERY WHEN WET

Q: How did the Egyptians transport massive stones across the desert?

A: “The ancient Egyptians transported their rocky cargo across the desert sands, from quarry to monument site, on large sleds with upturned edges. Now, when you try to pull a sled carrying a 2.5-ton load, it tends to dig into the sand ahead of it, building up a berm that must be cleared regularly or become an even bigger obstacle. Wet sand doesn’t do this. With just the right amount of dampness, capillary bridges—essentially microdroplets of water that bind grains of sand to one another through capillary action—form across the grains, doubling the material’s relative stiffness. This prevents the sand from berming in front of the sled and cuts the force required to drag the sled in half. Artwork in the tomb of Djehutihotep depicts a scene of slaves hauling a colossal statue, and a guy at the front of the sled is shown pouring liquid into the sand.” (Daniel Engber, Gizmodo.com)

What race is known as “The Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports?” The Kentucky Derby.

THE AIR UP THERE

Q: If heat rises, why is it colder on a mountain peak than in a valley?

A: “Heat doesn’t rise. Low density air rises if surrounded by air of higher density. Air that’s heated by contact with the warm ground becomes less dense and therefore rises. As it rises, it mixes with cooler air above and cools to a point where it stops rising. Air at the top of a mountain makes little contact with the ground and is therefore cold. Air in the valley below makes a great deal of contact and is therefore warm.” (From The Last Word, published by New Scientist magazine)

PULP FACT

Q: What was in the mysterious glowing briefcase in Pulp Fiction?

A: “After many Answer Man discussions on the briefcase, I received the following from Roger Avary, who co-wrote the film with Quentin Tarantino: ‘Originally the briefcase contained diamonds. But that just seemed too boring and predictable. So it was decided that the contents were never to be seen. That way each audience member will fill in the “blank” with their own ultimate contents. All you were supposed to know is that it was “so beautiful.” No prop master can come up with something better than each individual’s imagination. Then somebody had the bright idea (which I think was a mistake) of putting an orange light bulb in there. Suddenly what could have been anything became anything supernatural. Didn’t need to push the effect.’ ” (From Questions for the Movie Answer Man, by Roger Ebert)

Mars has no plate tectonics, but has a single plate 125 miles thick, twice that of Earth’s.

MR. T

If you’re a fool, don’t read this page, as you will likely end up being pitied.

“ ‘T’ stands for ‘tender’ for the ladies and the kids. For the bad guys and thugs, ‘T’ stands for ‘tough.’ ”

“As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal, and no meal.”

“It takes a smart guy to play dumb.”

“When I was growing up, my family was so poor we couldn’t afford to pay attention.”

“I was born and raised in the ghetto, but the ghetto was not born and raised in me.”

“For five years, Mr. T disappeared. Fools went unpitied!”

—on his bout with cancer

“When you see me now, I’m nothing but a big overgrown tough mama’s boy. And I speak with that glee because the problem with society is we don’t have enough mama’s boys.”

“Calvin Klein and Gloria Vanderbilt don’t wear clothes with your name on it, so why should you wear their name?”

“I believe in the Golden Rule. The man wi...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• Introduction
• You’re My Inspiration
• Whisker Facts
• Snap, Crackle…Flop!
• Rejected!
• Personal Space
• “Did I Shave My Legs for This?”
• Baseball’s Disabled (and Embarrassed) List
• Late Bloomers
• Free Pork With House
• Myth-Spoken
• Plop, Plop, Quiz, Quiz
• Not What They Seem to Be
• Office Origins
• Drink Up
• Firsts
• Yah-Hah, Evil Spider Woman!
• Canadians on Canada
• Died on the John
• Weird Canada
• Sound Smarter
• Not Exactly Prince Charming
• Random Origins
• The Chew-Chew Man
• Famous for 15 Minutes
• Novel Starts
• You Yell, We Shell!
• Why Don’t We Have a Word for That?
• Wrinkles in Time
• (Bad) Dream Houses
• Cold, Hard Facts
• Hollywood’s #1 Star
• Let’s Dance!
• Q & A: Ask the Experts
• Mr. T
• Animals in the Outfield
• Know Your Geography
• Roll Models
• How to Avoid Getting Hired
• Choke and Croak
• Uncle John’s Stall of Fame
• Filthy Water People
• He’s a Curly Wolf
• Brits vs. Americans: A Word Quiz
• Little Things Mean a Lot
• Swan Songs
• A Dotty Idea
• Smithsonian Fun
• Ask Uncle John: In the Bathroom
• Odd Superheroes
• Speaking “Tourist”
• Name Your Poison
• “Bunga Bunga!”
• Ironic Deaths
• My Other Vehicle Is in Orbit
• Fruity Geography
• Nascar 101
• Dialogues with World Leaders
• Local Heroes
• The Iceman Cometh
• Famous Tightwads
• Underworld Lingo
• Generic Canada
• Jellied Moose Nose
• Where’s Your Mecca?
• Star Trek Wisdom
• Juzt Nutz
• Stage Name Stories
• He Slud into Third
• Word Origins
• Little Willie
• The Bugs and the Bees
• What Dreams Mean
• Unintended Consequences
• Lucky Finds
• Madison Avenue Mutts
• Pleased to Meat You
• To Tell the Truth
• Always…
• Never…
• Food Superstitions
• Lebowski 7:16
• Random Origins
• Plop, Plop, Quiz, Quiz Two
• What the #!&%?
• Grounds for Divorce
• The League of Comic Book Creators
• Anatomy of a Hiccup
• Behold the Sloth
• Diva of the Desert
• Thinking On-side the Box
• Love at First Sight?
• Myth America
• As Heard in Canada
• ATM vs. ABM
• How to Win at Board Games
• I Apologize
• Wrong Way Corrigan
• Family Reunions
• Tom Swifties
• Brand Names
• Reading Tombstones
• Six Famous Illegitimate Kids
• Let’s Play Gorufu!
• I’d Like to Thank the Academy…
• Let’s Dance!
• Tongue Twisters
• The Earth is Flat!
• Food a Millennium Ago
• The Missing Mom
• Supposedly Said
• Take a Hint
• Un-BEE-Lievable
• Golden-Age Radio Treasures
• Flubbed Headlines
• What Is Spam?
• Predictions for the Year 2000
• The Other Sopranos
• Ol’ Jay’s Brainteasers
• Death Customs
• Weird Mexico
• Crazy Eights
• The Symbol
• Say Goodnight, Gracie
• A Musical Is Born
• Patently Absurd
• Smudgers & Sleepers
• World War Weird
• Die-Hard Chicken
• When Your Husband Gets Home…
• Jesus in Shingo
• Oscar’s Bloopers
• Nature’s Revenge
• You’re My Inspiration
• Fart Facts
• Uniquely Presidential
• Jaws, Jr.
• The First…
• Castle in the Desert
• Who’s Jude?
• Scotland’s Dish
• Close Encounters of the Credible Kind
• To Tell the Truth, Part II
• Our Briefs Are Showing
• I Toast You!
• I Curse You!
• Familiar Phrases
• The Joy of Sects: A Quiz
• Q & A: Ask the Experts Two
• A Barrel of Laughs
• Rambo, Starring Al Pacino
• “Going, Going…Gone!”
• The Who?
• What’s for Breakfast?
• Card-Playing Superstitions
• Ladies, Behave Yourselves
• Statue Rats
• When Celebrities Attack
• True Colors
• New Products
• Stagecoach Rules
• Celebrity Lawsuits
• Maneki Neko
• Uncle John’s Page of Lists
• Earth’s Greatest Hits
• Choose Your Words Carefully
• Name That Team
• The Cost of War
• The Best Deal in $port$ History
• Vampires on Bikini Beach
• Bierce-isms
• Founding Fathers
• Cell Phone Myths
• Local Hero: Leroy Gorham
• Tearing Down the White House
• The English Language
• Oops!
• My Body Lies Over the Ocean
• Lost in Translation
• That’s About the Size of It
• Final Thoughts
• Answer Pages
• The Last Page