Dad told Mom to just drop it, adding that it would take something like the audible voice of God before they ever homeschooled their son. But he did give the go-ahead to at least do some research about homeschooling, and after much reading on Mom’s part—giving Dad the Reader’s Digest version of what she read, and a visit with the “voice of God” via Gregg Harris’ Homeschooling Advanced Seminar—this little family decided that they would now homeschool their oldest son.

Neither set of grandparents was too pleased with the decision. Honestly, they didn’t know anything about homeschooling, and in their defense, they just were concerned for the welfare of their grandchildren. But ignorance of the facts did nothing to quell their anxiety. The Mom came from a long line of public school teachers. There was even a school in a large Texas city named after her grandfather. Never fear, though, Dad stood firm in his conviction, and the decision remained. Because this happened in August, there wasn’t much time to prepare before school started.

The Mom went to visit a friend who had great and vast experience in homeschooling. She had been at it for a year; she was an expert. She kindly offered to let Mom see the curriculum she used. Mom came, she saw, she ordered, and they began. After all, how hard could it be, right? That was almost 30 years ago. A few more kids were added to the mix, and they all lived happily ever after. Well, mostly.

If you passed us on the street, you might not even notice that we’re homeschoolers. We’re ordinary. We’ve had no merit scholars, no star athletes, no music prodigies, no gifted linguists. Yep, just your average, everyday family. The one aspect that might make us extraordinary is that we’re okay with being ordinary. That is not to say that we don’t have high goals and ideals for our family, or strive for excellence in all that we do. It is to say that we’ve learned to relax and enjoy the process of life. Our family has changed quite a bit since those days. Ben is married and has three children. Luke is also married. Andrew is married with three kids. Hannah, who has Down syndrome, is the princess of our story. Seth is out of the house and on his own. Gavin is serving in the Marine Corps, and Jack is finishing high school.

I write this book to communicate a passion of mine. Too often, I visit with homeschooling moms who are buried under fear, insecurity, dread, and anxiety over their job performance as homeschooling moms. To remedy this, they fill their lives with endless activity. I can only assume the purpose of such is to provide evidence of their good intentions should the homeschool police arrive at their door. Then it becomes a contest with friends over who has it the busiest.

It reminds me of the tales we gals tell one another of pregnancy and delivery. You know what I mean. When you’re pregnant with your first baby, the other moms somehow feel obliged to tell you how they were in excruciating labor for twelve days before their fifteen pound baby was born two weeks late! Conversely, there will be plenty of moms to regale us with tales of their toddler reciting the multiplication tables and their 13-year-old who has just been accepted into medical school. We’re glad for their remarkable kids, but wonder about the future of our own little ones who are mere mortals.

I have a passion to encourage us regular folks to relax and enjoy our ordinary lives. I have certainly not arrived. I’m not perfect and neither are my kids, but I do know one thing. It doesn’t have to be as hard as we make it! When moms dissolve into tears as they tell me they are overwhelmed at the prospect of continuing to homeschool, my heart breaks. It ought not to be like that, and I want to encourage those moms to hang in there.

Parents, it’s time to embrace God’s call to each of us that directs us to a specific path, a path that’s perfect for our individual, unique families. Bravely following our path and keeping our eyes on the Author and Perfecter of our Faith is our only hope for homeschooling with a peaceful heart and arriving at the right destination. I love this passage from Let Go of Whatever Makes You Stop by John Mason. “When you compare yourself with others, you will become bitter or vain for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourselves.”1 We need to keep our eyes on our goal and run with endurance the race set before us – not someone else.

When we started homeschooling, there weren’t many older women who had finished this race and could share their perspective from the other side of the finish line. Moms currently in the trenches readily shared their advice and counsel, which I deeply valued, but lots of them were actually my peers, rather than older women. I’ll be bold and identify myself as an older woman. I don’t have all the answers, but I’ve been around a while and I pay attention. I consider myself a student of life, specifically the life of a Christian family. In almost 30 years of homeschooling, I have listened to moms, and studied and watched the homeschool movement. I can offer some long-term perspectives.

Has our homeschooling experience been perfect and stress free? Oh my, no! I’m naturally wound up pretty tight as it is, and I like to do things the right way. When we began homeschooling, there were so few curriculum choices that practically everyone did the same thing. Extracurricular activities were limited. Co-ops and classes were virtually non-existent. As I said earlier, I made the well thought-out and agonized-over decision to use what my friend had used with her children.

Well, maybe I didn’t think it over that well or spend much time in prayer. I mean, there was no time! For everything but math, we purchased a traditional, academically sound curriculum used in private Christian schools. The teacher’s guides gave explicit instructions as to what to cover each day, even listing the specific flash cards we were to use with each lesson. Our math curriculum was scripted. Yes, that’s right – scripted. It told me what I should say to my child, and what my child should do or say in response. We figured we’d struck gold! How hard can this be with these kinds of directions? It did hold my hand, which was essential. We were terrified that we’d mess up Ben. Consequently I followed the instructions to the letter. I mean exactly that. Okay, I did have the sense to realize that I couldn’t organize a baseball game in my classroom to practice spelling words since it was only Ben and me there. But everything else I did BY THE BOOK. If the teacher’s manual told me to review with flashcards 21–49, then you can be sure that I didn’t use 20–50. I might mess things up! We did every single workbook page and other form of drill, even if Ben had already mastered the concept. I was afraid to rock the boat. He did receive an excellent foundation, and thankfully for both of us, his learning style fit right in with my teaching style, which fit right in with the curriculum we chose.

Then we happened on an old book by Diane Lopez called Teaching Children. This book opened my eyes to what appealed to me about schooling my kids at home. I couldn’t articulate it, but she did. From her, I learned that it was possible to use something other than a textbook approach and that we could have the kids learn together in a more relaxed atmosphere. That year, we took steps to introduce a less familiar format to our homeschool. It was still structured, but it was more interesting! We were also gaining a better idea of the family we wanted to create through this process.

After a few more years of experience, a few more conferences attended, and a few more books read, we stretched our wings further to adopt an eclectic approach using lots of real books rather than textbooks. I had begun to feel more secure choosing what I felt was best for my family, rather than what everyone else was using. Chris offered his valuable male perspective to my choices, which were usually more girl-centric than boy- friendly, and we adapted and changed curriculum as best suited each child. This involved major stretching on my part.

I’d rather curl up on the couch with my nose in a book and read. I finished my schooling by reading and filling out a nifty worksheet that required that I answer ridiculously simple fill-in-the-blank questions. I’d memorize it all for the test and promptly do a cranial dump to make room for the next batch of information. This earned me good grades in school! But I’m not sure how much I actually learned. Our curriculum choices to fit the boys pushed me out of my box – far out of my box.

I remember once talking to a friend who counseled me about needed changes in our homeschool. I told her that I didn’t want to get my house messy with projects. “Bev,” she chided, “you’re such a wimp!” I believe those were her exact words, and I am grateful for her honesty. I still struggle with mustering the motivation to engage in a project involving raw whole chickens, but it isn’t about me, is it?

That said, I learned to buck the system even with that particular curriculum, and I did not complete every recommended activity. So there! Can you imagine the audacity of not following the suggested plan or letting a few worksheets go blank? I learned to balance my teaching style and my children’s learning styles, and to follow their lead. That was hard for me. I’m boring, but I’m learning to adapt. I’m learning that it’s easy to get caught up in the method of homeschooling and forget that it’s simply a means to an end. The education of my children is the end, and the path taken is of secondary importance. I want great adults as the end product of our homeschool, and it won’t be the curriculum that I choose that determines that. That bears repeating. The curriculum choices that I make do not guarantee me anything. Children are people, not products.

This is especially important to recognize now. The demand for homeschool curricula has exploded, and with it has come some exciting options that offer families a lot of variety from which to choose. That’s a good thing – as long as we’re actually choosing based on our unique family makeup and not based on what everyone else is doing. Know this, methods and popular curriculum choices in homeschool circles come in and out of fashion. Let’s face it. We can feel pressure to use the latest thing that everyone else is using because it must be good if everyone is using it. I know I did! It’s not a question of whether it’s a good curriculum. It’s a question of whether it’s a good choice for your student and your family. Determining the answer to that requires some thoughtful examination, and we’ll get to that.

Make no mistake; accepting the responsibility of educating your own kids is a choice that will require endurance on your part! We do well to prepare ourselves to have staying power, so don’t set yourself up for failure. Here are some things that might encumber or entangle us and wear us out: separate soccer teams for each child in our family, foreign language lessons for our elementary age children, serving in multiple areas/roles in our church home, serving in multiple volunteer capacities in each of our children’s activities, swim lessons, baseball teams, AWANA, boy scouts, choir, band, youth group, babysitting, Moms’ night out, or support groups. Then there’s the ever popular entanglement of comparing ourselves to others – their homes, their children’s academic prowess, their extra activities, their church involvement, their perfect good looks….

I want my adult children to homeschool their children because they view their years at home as something worth emulating. If our homeschool consists of power charged hours spent in the car rushing frantically from one activity to another, are they going to want to duplicate that with my grandchildren? Do you ever arrive at these activities in a state of peace and joy? Aren’t we more often than not frazzled and irritated? I want my grown kids to look back on our homeschool days with fondness.

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