Compensated Dating

Buying and Selling Sex in Cyberspace

Cassini Sai Kwan Chu

• Publisher: Palgrave Macmillan
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN: 9789811069734
• eBook ISBN: 9789811069741
• Topic: Scienze sociali
• Subtopic: Antropologia culturale e sociale

This book considers a burgeoning social phenomenon, compensated dating in Hong Kong, that facilitates direct commercial sex exchange between consenting females from their mid-teens through the late 20s and males from their early 20s to mid-adulthood. Informed by the transformation of intimacy, the breakdown of institutional constraints, the emergence of a new female sexual autonomy and the advancement of information technology, this book moves beyond stereotypes of sex work to look at the complexities of compensated dating. The phenomenon of compensated dating is distinctive from most other sex trades in that it involves intense emotional interactions and often extends beyond the commercial boundary. Given the dynamic, flexible and ambiguous nature of compensated dating, it has become more of a space for sexual explorations and less of a rigid model of commercial sex, at least in the eye of the participants. This book walks through how men become involved in compensated dating and alsosheds lights on how gender relations are negotiated, with important implications on what it means to be a man and a woman in contemporary Hong Kong society. It also speaks to the broader transformations of some of the key social structures and elements, particularly gender and sexualities, in the era of late modernity.

© The Author(s) 2018

Cassini Sai Kwan ChuCompensated DatingGender, Sexualities and Culture in Asiahttps://doi.org/10.1007/978-981-10-6974-1_1

Begin Abstract

1. Introduction

Cassini Sai Kwan Chu¹

(1)

University of Hong Kong, Hong Kong, Hong Kong

End Abstract

Peter, a 36-year-old and well-educated man, married his first and only girlfriend in his late twenties. He has two kids and has been engaging in compensated dating (hereafter known as CD ) as a client for three years. He described his behaviors of dating young girls in CD as if a wolf dog hunting for preys in a jungle. Knowing that I had been having a hard time recruiting girls who offered CD for interviews, he referred Jenny, a 19-year-old high school student, to me. Peter told me that he met Jenny online and had been devising a plan to have sex with her for free. Jenny was reluctant to meet me for a face-to-face interview at the beginning but after chatting online for several weeks, she finally let her gurard down, invited me to go to a Taiwanese pop singer’s concert with her, and agreed to be interviewed before the concert.

Sitting in front of me was a very shy and polite young girl, who was literally wearing no make-up and just like many other teenagers, she was struggling with breakouts on her face.

Cassini:

Do you consider yourself as a sex worker?

Jenny:

A little bit. Offering CD is probably not a good thing; otherwise, I would have told other people about it. But I do not feel like I am a sex tool because I didn’t only have sex with my clients . We talked a lot too. Our dates were never rushed.

Cassini:

Where did you have sex with your clients?

Jenny:

I went to their apartments.

Cassini:

Isn’t it a bit dangerous to go to the apartments of the clients who are basically strangers?

Jenny:

I know! I was a little bit wary too. There was a girl being murdered by her client in his apartment a few years ago, right?

Cassini:

Yes. Since you acknowledged the potential risks, why did you still go to their apartments?

Jenny:

Because I had chatted with them online for a long period of time before I actually met them and I believed that they were good guys.

Cassini:

Didn’t you worry that your clients might secretly install some pinhole cameras in their apartments and record your sexual encounters?

Jenny:

Um… one client did video-record our sexual intercourse without recording my face.

Cassini:

How could that be possible!? Video-recording your sexual intercourse without recording your face?

Jenny:

Well, I don’t know. Just let it be. I trusted him. It’s all about trust .

Cassini:

Didn’t you worry that he would upload the video onto the Internet or use it to blackmail you?

Jenny:

No! He is not this type of person. I really trust him.

Cassini:

Why do you trust him so much? It was the first time you met him, right?

Jenny:

Yes. I don’t know. I just feel like he is a nice guy, but I am feeling stupid now because I didn’t charge him for extra money for the video-recording.

At the end of our interview, I asked Jenny if she would go on a CD date with Peter. She said she would consider it, but the probability was low because she was not in need of money. Although Peter told me that he was planning a sexual trap for Jenny, the best that I could do was to lay out all the possible risks underlying CD that she might not be aware of, and to remind her to be cautious and be protective of herself at all times. After all, she was already 19. She had the right and autonomy to make her own decisions about her life.

Why do girls like Jenny willingly engage in CD? If girls in CD do not consider themselves as sex workers , even if they are selling sex to strangers, then how do they perceive themselves and categorize their CD behaviors? Why do some girls unquestionably trust their clients ? Where does the trust come from? If young girls sell their sex and sexualities not for money, then what for? Meanwhile, why do men engage in CD? If they simply desire for sex, why don’t they purchase it from traditional forms of prostitution , which is cheaper, easier to access, and less time consuming?

This book addresses all these questions and other conundrums surrounding CD by studying the lived experiences of individuals who are buying and selling CD. To date, the phenomenon of CD is under-researched. The limited studies on CD have focused largely on young women who provide CD and there is relatively less known about men who seek CD (Ho, 2003; Lam, 2003; Lee & Shek, 2013). By adding the narratives of clients, this study responds to the lack of research on clients and expands our knowledge surrounding CD, and the current commercial sex market.

Despite a small, but growing body of studies on the subject of CD, there is at present little empirical research based on the testimonies of people who are actually involving in the activity. However, to obtain a comprehensive picture of CD, the insider perspectives and experiences are necessary to be revealed and interpreted. This study aptly fills this research gap. It offers invaluable empirical foundation from which to comprehend the operation of CD, the reasoning behind individuals’ involvement in CD, as well as the ways they conceptualize their identities and behaviors in relation to sexuality and prostitution . The ethnographic data on CD clients and CD providers offers a precious insider perspective, which will be helpful for policy-makers to develop appropriate social, legal, and educational polices related to CD , online sexual activities, and sexual health. It will also help parents, educators, and people who work with adolescents to foster a positive approach to them and to provide guidance and care in response to their needs and conditions.

Undoubtedly, the Internet has changed the formation of our sexuality and has greatly expanded the organization of the sex market. This book sheds lights on the complexity of the relationships between different aspects of this new world: love, sex, money, and technology. Besides providing a theoretical insight into sexuality in late modern society in a Chinese context, it is my hope that the present findings and analyses will expand feminist discussions on the notion of prostitution and of the authenticity of prostitute –client relationships

The present study documents the lived experiences of male clients and CD providers in Hong Kong. It analyzes how they perceived themselves, their CD behaviors, and their intimate relationships, both inside and outside CD, as well as their coping strategies for the social, moral, and legal stresses associated with their CD behaviors. Finally, it illuminates the emotional and physical impacts of CD on the participants. These analyses are informed by feminists’ understanding of prostitution and women who sell sex, Hochschild’s (1983) notions of emotional labor and the commercialization of human feeling, Bernstein’s (2010) concept of bounded authenticity , Sanders’ (2008) discussion on the authenticity of commercial relationships, Giddens’ (1990, 1992b) ideas of plastic sexuality , confluent love , pure relationship , and the consequences of modernity , as well as Beck’s (1992) conception of modern risk society .

Rather than conceptualizing CD as a monolithic form of commercial transaction, a type of sexual behavior, or a form of sexual exploitation , this study focuses on the reflexive CD processes and the dynamic CD relationships in which men and women conduct and make sense of their intimate, sexual, and gendered lives and identities. The notion of CD is understood here in a larger sociocultural context and a complex hybridization of sexual ideologies, gender structure, paradoxical sociocultural values, as well as the effects and consequences of modernity . Such a perspective helps u...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Front Matter
• 1. Introduction
• 2. Theoretical and Methodological Issues in Researching Compensated Dating
• 3. The Brothers—Part I: Men Who Buy Compensated Dating
• 4. The Brothers—Part II: Why Compensated Dating?
• 5. The Brothers—Part III: Becoming and Being a Brother
• 6. Why Do Girls Engage in CD?
• 7. More than Bounded Authenticity
• 8. Conclusion
• Back Matter