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The Book of Overthinking
How to Stop the Cycle of Worry
Gwendoline Smith
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eBook - ePub
The Book of Overthinking
How to Stop the Cycle of Worry
Gwendoline Smith
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About This Book
Overthinking is also known as worrying or ruminating and it's a form of anxiety that many people suffer from.Psychologist and New Zealand bestselling author Gwendoline Smith explains in clear and simple language the concepts of positive and negative overthinking, the truth about worry and how to deal with the 'thought viruses' that are holding you back.She helps you understand what's going on in your head, using humour, lots of examples and anecdotes, and she offers powerful strategies for addressing your issues.Based on cognitive behavioural theory, this book will help you in all the key areas of your life: from your personal life to relationships and work.
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CHAPTER ONE
OVERTHINKING: A DEFINITION
overthink (verb) to think too much about (something): to put too much time into thinking about or analysing (something) in a way that is more harmful than helpful. (Merriam-Webster online dictionary)
Out of the many definitions I found of overthinking, I warmed to this one the most, because it describes the act in very simple terms. It also highlights the potential to be harmful that overthinking has.
Everyone overthinks things once in a while. However, there are those individualsâperhaps you are one of themâwho find it quite impossible to shut down the constant onslaught of unwanted thoughts. There are two distinct forms of this type of inner monologue:
1. Ruminating, which involves rehashing the past.
⢠I shouldnât have made that comment in the meeting last week.
⢠I shouldnât have left my last job. If I had stayed, I would be much happier than I am now.
⢠I shouldnât have eaten that piece of cake at the party yesterday. Now I am going to be fat forever.
These thought patterns are closely associated with regret and guilt.
2. Worrying, which is when you consistently make negative, catastrophic predictions about the future.
⢠When I hand in my report to the boss, she will think it is hopeless and then I will be handed my notice. Then I wonât be able to pay my mortgage, Iâll lose the house and wonât be able to provide for my family.
⢠And so on, and so forth.
Worrying about potential future disasters creates fear and anxiety.
Being plagued by either or both of these types of overthinking can leave you in a state of constant anguish.
On a lighter note, it is our ability to think that makes us human. It is natural to get absorbed by what we are doing and think about those things. However, if overthinking leads you into a downward spiral of negative, destructive thoughts then, âHouston, we have a problem.â
Once this process occurs, you begin to create problems that arenât there. Subsequently, you begin to believe and feel that those problems are real and valid. As a result of these beliefs, you then begin to worry and feel anxious. The thoughts then become paralysing, and impede your ability to problem-solve.
The other definition of overthinking which I like comes from the online Urban Dictionary:
overthinking a great way to f@ck everything up. #complicated #bullshit #hard #f@ck #hate it
Not too far off the mark, I say!
All jokes aside, however, I believe that the more knowledge you have about what you are experiencing, the closer you are to managing those unwanted thoughts and experiences.
SHOULD I BE CONCERNED
ABOUT MY OVERTHINKING?
People often ask me if all overthinking is harmful. In my opinion, no. Sometimes we can become engrossed in thought, and be stimulated by that experienceâlike we have been hypnotised, losing track of time in an almost trance-like state. I guess we could liken this to daydreaming or mind-wandering.
Here are a few examples:
You have just fallen in love, and you find yourself thinking about that person all day. You may even dream about them at night. (I guess thatâs day- and night-dreaming.)
Is that problematic? No. Most people love that experience and find it enjoyable and exciting, not anxiety-provoking.
Your wedding is coming up. You want your hair and dress to be just right, so you think about options and colours all day.
Is that a problem? It canât be that badâa lot of people appear to keep getting married, and surviving it!
Youâre training for a swimming competition, and you think about your strokes and your breathing constantly.
Problem? Sounds more like a desire to succeed. Athletes live in this psychological domain throughout their careers. It is only when this thought pattern is driven by a fear of failure (and turns into worry) that sports psychologists intervene.
You find yourself constantly thinking about your golf swing or the new recipe you are going to try when your friends come for dinner. Thinking and planning, thinking and planning.
Problem or excitement? I suggest the latter.
The answer lies in how you are thinking. If your thinking goes like this:
OMG Iâve chosen the wrong colours for the bridesmaids. Iâm going to look fat in my dress. I should have got the A-line vintage dress and not the chiffon meringue. People are going to think âWhy is he marrying that fat cow with no dress sense?â
These are the types of thoughts that will create fear and produce toxic over-stimulation.
But if the thinking goes like this:
I am so looking forward to my wedding day. My girls are going to look gorgeous, and so will my hubby-to-be. I love my dress, I love the invites, the venue is perfect . . .
This kind of thinking is pleasurably stimulating, even though you may think about the same topic throughout the day and into the night. Over-thinking, yesâbut a problem? I donât think so.
One of the things about overthinking that clinicians get concerned about is if it is disturbing your sleep. If you spend all night thinking about your bridesmaidsâ dresses, does that make it a problem? Not necessarily. You will probably be exhausted the following night and drift off to sleep with ease, so you have not established a pattern of poor sleep. But fear-based overthinking can create chemicals in the brain that are unhelpful to the system, and result in disturbed sleep.
What I will refer to as positive overthinking activates chemicals in the brain such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphinsâall associated with happiness. This means we desire them and, in the extreme, will repeat behaviours that assure access to them. Humans seek endorphin stimulation via exercise, watching comedy, listening to music, engaging in creative pursuits and so on.
However, when the pursuit of pleasure involves behaviours that provide a means to avoid lifeâs daily problemsâe.g. gambling, watching screens, using gaming machines and drinking alcoholâit is not so harmless. (At a conference on compulsive gambling I went to many years ago, the keynote speaker said that the difference between a recreational gambler and a compulsive gambler is that the addict is looking to solve problems through their gambling. This is in contrast to the recreational punter, who is looking for a flutter, a bit of excitement and a night out.)
As you can see from the examples above, not all overthinking is positive. Now letâs take a look at negative overthinking. Studies show that getting stuck in your head, focusing on negative events (and therefore experiencing feelings of regret, self-blame), can be the biggest predictor of some of todaysâ most common mental-health problems, such as anxiety and depression. These studiesâ of which there are millionsâintroduce us to and educate us on the detrimental health impacts of negative overthinking.
So, the question âShould I be concerned about my overthinking?â has a simple answer:
âYes, if it is thinking that gets in the way of your ability to function.â
âDR ROBERT SHIEFF, PSYCHIATRIST AND COGN...
âDR ROBERT SHIEFF, PSYCHIATRIST AND COGN...