Table of contents

1. Cover Page
2. Title Page
3. Copyright Page
4. Contents
5. Illustrations
6. Preface
7. Introduction
8. 1 I remember many spankings with a flat-backed wooden-handled hairbrush
9. 2 The moment you realize that you are enjoying yourself, you feel guilty
10. 3 He never seriously bothered or teased me again
11. 4 You must be yellow
12. 5 I had been desperately lonely
13. 6 I am heading towards unhappiness
14. 7 There are freaks in every family
15. 8 I did not think of falling in love with her
16. 9 The Party was happy to find a
17. 10 I am unwilling to exchange my brush for a bayonet
18. 11 You must never use my name to further your affairs
19. 12 Thinks me a crackpot
20. 13 He really didn’t like his own children
21. 14 During the last fifteen years you have not been self-supporting
22. 15 She says that she does not love me
23. 16 There will be no more money from me now that you are an avowed Communist
24. 17 She genuinely believes in my potential as a painter
25. 18 You became for me a surrogate father
26. 19 I earned 60 per cent and had an unearned income of 40 per cent
27. 20 I’d much prefer to be in Canada
28. 21 I have not enjoyed the anonymity I cherished
29. 22 I’m going to knock you out
30. 23 I do not believe that I constitute any species of threat
31. 24 How’s the hunting, Fred?
32. 25 Fred was the kindest, gentlest, most encouraging, most supportive person
33. 26 I am still deeply in love with you
34. 27 I’m going to be married very soon
35. 28 He’d planned his suicide ever since Hemingway killed himself
36. Epilogue
37. Notes
38. Bibliography
39. Credits
40. Index