Healing a Friend's Grieving Heart

100 Practical Ideas for Helping Someone You Love Through Loss

Alan D Wolfelt, Alan Wolfelt

• Publisher: Companion Press
• eBook ISBN:
  9781617220432
• Year: 2001

A compassionate resource for friends, parents, relatives, teachers, volunteers, and caregivers, this series offers suggestions to help the grieving cope with the loss of a loved one. Often people do not know what to say—or what not to say—to someone they know who is mourning; this series teaches that the most important thing a person can do is listen, have compassion, be there for support, and do something helpful. This volume provides the fundamental principles of being a true companion, from committing to contact the friend regularly to being mindful of the anniversary of the death. Included in each book are tested, sensitive ideas for "carpe diem" actions that people can take right this minute—while still remaining supportive and honoring the mourner's loss.

Table of contents

• Also by Alan Wolfelt:
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Table of Contents
• Dedication
• INTRODUCTION
• 1. - UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GRIEF AND MOURNING.
• 2. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING
• 3. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING
• 4. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING
• 5. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING
• 6. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING
• 7. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING
• 8. - MAKE A “CONTACT PACT” WITH YOURSELF.
• 9. - ATTEND THE FUNERAL.
• 10. - RECORD THE FUNERAL FOR POSTERITY.
• 11. - LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGING.
• 12.
• 13. - DON’T FALL BACK ON CLICHÉS.
• 14. - DON’T USE RELIGIOUS CLICHÉS, EITHER.
• 15. - DO SAY THIS:
• 16. - EXPECT YOUR FRIEND TO HAVE A MULTITUDE OF FEELINGS.
• 17.
• 18. - REACH OUT AND TOUCH.
• 19. - BE AWARE THAT YOUR FRIEND’S GRIEF AFFECTS HER BODY, HEART, SOCIAL SELF AND SPIRIT.
• 20. - USE THE NAME OF THE PERSON WHO DIED.
• 21. - WRITE A LETTER.
• 22. - SAY IT WITH FLOWERS.
• 23. - SERVE AS “SOCIAL NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR.”
• 24. - PLAY CATERER FOR AN EVENING.
• 25. - OFFER BEVERAGES, TOO.
• 26. - DON’T EXPECT YOUR FRIEND TO MOURN OR HEAL IN A CERTAIN WAY OR IN A CERTAIN TIME.
• 27. - BE HER HANDYPERSON.
• 28. - BE HIS ERRAND BOY/GIRL.
• 29. - TAKE YOUR FRIEND TO THE MOVIES.
• 30. - GO BUY THE BOOK.
• 31. - BE MINDFUL OF ANNIVERSARIES.
• 32. - PLANT SEEDS OF HOPE.
• 33. - HELP HER TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.
• 34. - ACCOMPANY YOUR FRIEND TO THE CEMETERY.
• 35. - DIG OUT YOUR PARCHEESI BOARD.
• 36. - UNDERSTAND THE ROLE OF “LINKING OBJECTS.”
• 37. - BE A SPORT.
• 38. - JOIN THE CLUB.
• 39. - DON’T TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN LOSSES, AT LEAST NOT EARLY IN YOUR FRIEND’S GRIEF.
• 40. - TAKE A DRIVE.
• 41. - INVITE YOUR FRIEND TO YOUR HOME.
• 42. - GIVE HIM A BLANK BOOK.
• 43. - ORGANIZE A TREE PLANTING.
• 44. - PLAN A WEEKLY WALK TOGETHER.
• 45. - GO WITH YOUR FRIEND TO A YOGA CLASS.
• 46. - KNOW THAT GRIEF DOES NOT PROCEED IN ORDERLY, PREDICTABLE “STAGES.”
• 47. - PLAN A CEREMONY.
• 48. - COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.
• 49. - ORGANIZE A MEMORY BOOK.
• 50. - GET UP WITH THE BIRDS.
• 51. - SUBSCRIBE TO FRIENDSHIP.
• 52. - DON’T BE CAUGHT OFF GUARD BY “GRIEFBURSTS.”
• 53. - THINK YOUNG.
• 54. - PET A PET.
• 55. - GIVE THE GIFT OF SCENT.
• 56. - PLAN A SLEEPOVER.
• 57. - GET TO KNOW YOUR SURROUNDINGS.
• 58. - STAND IN FOR THE PERSON WHO DIED.
• 59. - IF YOU’RE A MEMBER OF THE MOURNER’S FAMILY, YOU’RE NEEDED THE MOST.
• 60. - IF YOU’RE A MEMBER OF THE MOURNER’S FAMILY, RECOGNIZE THE “PRESSURE COOKER” PHENOMENON.
• 61. - IF YOU’RE WORRYING ABOUT SOMETHING, TALK TO YOUR FRIEND.
• 62. - IF THE MOURNER IS A CHILD, THINK LIKE A CHILD.
• 63. - SEND ANOTHER CARD. AND ANOTHER.
• 64. - LISTEN TO THE MUSIC.
• 65. - DON’T PROSELYTIZE ABOUT YOUR OWN RELIGION.
• 66. - BE HIS BUTLER FOR A DAY.
• 67. - PRAY FOR YOUR FRIEND.
• 68. - LEAVE YOUR FRIEND ALONE.
• 69. - GO TO THE WATER.
• 70. - OFFER TO HELP WITH FINANCES.
• 71. - LEARN SOMETHING NEW.
• 72. - TAKE A RISK WITH YOUR FRIEND.
• 73. - PICTURE THIS.
• 74. - VOLUNTEER ON BEHALF OF YOUR FRIEND.
• 75. - CREATE A CALENDAR.
• 76. - LAUGH AND YOUR FRIEND MAY LAUGH WITH YOU.
• 77. - VISIT THE GREAT OUTDOORS.
• 78. - DON’T RELATE STORIES ABOUT SIMILAR DEATHS.
• 79. - HELP YOUR FRIEND MOVE TOWARD HER GRIEF, NOT AWAY FROM IT.
• 80. - CONTEMPLATE THE UNIVERSE.
• 81. - HELP YOUR FRIEND SURF THE WEB.
• 82. - WATCH FOR WARNING SIGNS.
• 83. - HELP BRIGHTEN UP YOUR FRIEND’S ENVIRONMENT.
• 84. - MARK THESE DATES ON YOUR CALENDAR.
• 85. - HELP SIMPLIFY YOUR FRIEND’S LIFE.
• 86. - ESTABLISH A MEMORIAL FUND IN THE NAME OF THE PERSON WHO DIED.
• 87. - LISTEN TO THE STORY, OVER AND OVER AGAIN IF NECESSARY.
• 88. - INQUIRE ABOUT SUPPORT GROUPS.
• 89. - TELL YOUR FRIEND HOW IMPORTANT HE IS TO YOU.
• 90. - PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION.
• 91. - DON’T BE OFFENDED IF YOUR FRIEND REBUFFS YOUR ATTEMPTS TO HELP.
• 92. - MAKE SOMETHING FROM SCRATCH.
• 93. - VISIT A FARM.
• 94. - HAVE FUN IN THE SUN.
• 95. - TAKE A RIDE ON THE READING.
• 96. - REMEMBER YOUR FRIEND DURING THE HOLIDAYS.
• 97. - FOLLOW UP AND FOLLOW THROUGH.
• 98. - DON’T FORGET YOUR FRIEND.
• 99. - UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF “RECONCILIATION.”
• 100. - GIVE YOURSELF A HAND.
• CLOSING THOUGHTS
• TEN ESSENTIAL QUALITIES
• SEND US YOUR IDEAS FOR HEALING A FRIEND’S GRIEVING HEART!
• ALSO BY ALAN WOLFELT