Every office has someone who's no fun to be around. But getting along with that person—and managing them effectively—can make both your jobs easier. Difficult People, a comprehensive and essential resource for any manager on the run, shows you how.
Learn to:
Recognize why and when people act out
Identify different types of difficult people
Cope with difficult behavior
Get the most out of trouble employees
Nurture a harmonious work environment
The Collins Best Practices guides offer new and seasoned managers the essential information they need to achieve more, both personally and professionally. Designed to provide tried-and-true advice from the world's most influential business minds, they feature practical strategies and tips to help you get ahead.
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“Your job is not to do all the work yourself or to sit back and wait to ‘catch [your people] doing something wrong’ but to roll up your sleeves and help [them] win. If they win, you win.”
—Ken Blanchard, author of The One Minute Manager
Most of us work with people who could be considered “difficult,” often without really understanding what makes them so irritating. Largely, that’s because they get under our skin and engage our emotions and, once that happens, it’s hard to be objective.
Self-Assessment Quiz
PROBLEM VERSUS SOLUTION
This quiz will help you understand how you look at the issue of difficult people in the workplace. Choose the answers below that best describe you.
When I encounter a difficult person at work, I:
1.[A] compare myself to that person to see who is right
[B] walk the other way as fast as possible
[C] pause for a moment to reflect on why I find the person difficult.
2.[A] determine which of us has more authority within the company to use against the other
[B] avoid all contact with that person
[C] purposely have more casual contact with that person to see if I’m getting the whole picture.
3.[A] determine which of us has more authority among the staff to use against each other
[B] plot how I can defend myself against any and all use of authority against me
[C] study how institutional and popular authority issues can help build a bridge between us.
4.[A] keep score of his crimes against me
[B] try to pretend there is no friction
[C] think about what’s bothering me and try to understand why I find this person’s actions so irritating.
5.[A] find out which subordinates are on my side
[B] assume all my subordinates are against me
[C] assume all my subordinates are friendly and reasonable until they prove otherwise.
6.[A] find out which coworkers are on my side
[B] assume all my coworkers are against me
[C] assume all my coworkers are friendly and reasonable but might have their own issues to deal with.
7.[A] find out which superiors are on my side
[B] assume all my superiors are against me
[C] consider that whatever is causing the person difficulty might have nothing to do with me.
8.[A] quickly strategize how to attack first
[B] quickly dig a bomb shelter and crawl into it
[C] strategize how to remove all misunderstandings.
9.[A] get in his face as a warning not to mess with me
[B] run and tell my boss that I’m being harassed
[C] treat the other person with respect regardless of how he treats me.
10.[A] find some people who seem to be neutral about the difficult person and go to lunch to talk about the situation
[B] cut off all contact with that person and use all of my influence to cut off her resources
[C] invite the difficult person to lunch to find common ground.
Scoring
Give yourself 2 points for every A answer, 1 point for every B answer, and 0 points for every C answer.
Analysis
15–20
You’re aggressive and too quick to play the blame game. You may lack the skills and temperament to deal with difficult people in a collaborative way. Use aggressiveness to solve the problem, not to attack the person, or you risk becoming difficult.
8–14
You deal with conflict by avoiding it. You assume the worst, build defensive walls, and avoid confrontation. You tend to deny that you could be part of the problem.
0–7
You seek solutions and see people for their potential rather than regarding them as problems. You prefer collaboration to conflict. You make an effort to improve your communication and cooperation with others at every level of the organization.
Once we’re provoked and begin to react emotionally, our productivity as workers and leaders diminishes, and our perception becomes distorted. We might be convinced that the person is the problem, but in most cases it’s something the person is doing—their behavior—that’s really driving us nuts.
To begin to understand the phenomenon of difficult people, this chapter examines ten of the most common difficult behaviors, discussing how the behavior shows up in the workplace, exploring the “why” behind the behavior, and giving step-by-step instructions for dealing with the problem. The better you understand the essential nature of difficult people and what makes them tick, the more effective your response can be.
As you read through the chapter, keep in mind that some difficult people may fall into several categories. Such complex composite personalities can seem impossible to deal with at times. Some are more challenging than others. In every case, patience is essential for coping. It takes time and careful observation to pinpoint the problems. It also takes time for the methods and techniques you apply to take hold and begin to improve your relationship with the difficult person.
Focusing on improving the relationship is important because you can’t reasonably expect to change a difficult person—you can only hope to influence and change his behavior. Your power lies in your willingness to alter your own assumptions and attitudes. When you take the initiative, you reap the rewards.
THE SLAVE DRIVER
SOMEONE WHO MAKES UNREASONABLE DEMANDS ON YOUR TIME, RESOURCES, AND ATTENTION
Slave Drivers are almost always people you report to. Who else has the authority to make huge demands on you? The demands themselves may vary: Slave Drivers may expect you to accomplish enormous amounts of work in incredibly short time frames, or they may simply want you to spend vast amounts of time working. They may expect you to achieve results (such as an exponential increase in sales) that are simply beyond reason, or they may expect you to put your personal life aside for the sake of the business. When it becomes impossible to keep up with the pace or the sheer volume of work, you know you are dealing with a Slave Driver.
What Makes the Slave Driver Tick?
Understanding why this person is putting pressure on you will help you find an effective way to deal with him. In most cases, people who make unreasonable demands do so for one of three reasons: They’re overloaded themselves, they’re unaware of the impact of their demands and are therefore unrealistic about what you can do, or they’re just plain passing the buck.
It’s possible that the Slave Driver is actually a slave to someone else who is piling on the work—the very work that is cascading down onto you. It may also be that the Slave Driver’s ambition is pushing him to take on more than one person can reasonably handle. If the Slave Driver isn’t able to fulfill his promises, the pressure may wind up on you.
A “clueless” Slave Driver may never have done your job and may not understand the time and energy it would take to produce results at the requested level. It is easy for people to make assumptions and hold unrealistic expectations. A clueless Slave Driver may not be aware of the other claims and constraints on your time.
Finally, some bosses simply consider it executive privilege to hand over their work to those below them. When you are asked to do both your own work and that of your boss, your job becomes nearly impossible. Bosses who pass the buck in this manner are the most difficult Slave Drivers to deal with.
Dos & Don’ts
THE SLAVE DRIVER
If you have discovered that there is a Slave Driver in your midst, there are ways to deflect the added undue stress a Slave Driver’s hard-to-meet expectations and demands bring.
Do approach the Slave Driver in a positive and helpful way.
Do observe how he manages his workload, then try to put it in perspective.
Don’t hesitate to clarify how the extra work can negatively affect the overall productivity of your department.
Do sit with him and write up a plan to deal with overwhelming workloads.
Don’t forget to distribute work evenly among staff members so that no one person gets bogged down.
What You Can Do About Slave Drivers
No matter what the reason for the Slave Driver’s behavior, your approach must always be to be positive and helpful; you want to be part of the solution—not part of the problem. Anything you do takes courage. But the alternative is worse. You will either be exhausted from the work or criticized if you don’t complete it—or complete it but do an inadequate job. Unfortunately, when you don’t deal with the situation, it can become even worse.
The Overloaded Slave Driver
To relieve some of your boss’s burden and prepare yourself and your direct reports for what’s coming, study how your boss manages his workload. Make notes about his workload: Where is it coming from and when? Does it fluctuate wildly from light to heavy? Is it a steady stream? Is it predictable or unpredictable? Develop methods to anticipate what future demands will be like so you’re not continually taken by surprise.
Then help the Slave Driver put his workload and yours in perspective. Make it clear to your boss how the extra work ripples into your department or area and impairs your efficiency. Brainstorm ways that your boss can be better prepared for what’s coming, not take on so much, or possibly fend some of it off.
Finally, write up a plan to deal with the work. Plan to finish the most important items first—don’t waste time and energy giving equal time to everything. If some things fall off the list so that your life can return to normal, make sure they’re not important. Throughout, be positive and helpful. Support your boss and your staff.
Outside the Box
YOU’RE NEVER NOT COMMUNICATING
In their book The Pragmatics of Human Communication, Paul Watzlawick, Janet Beavin, and Don Jackson wrote, “One cannot not communicate.” Their point is powerful: People above, below, and all around you in the organization are paying attention when you least expect them to and don...
