CHAPTER 1
I remember the whole beginning as a succession of flights and drops, a little see-saw of the right throbs and the wrong. After rising, in town, to meet his appeal I had at all events a couple of very bad daysāfound all my doubts bristle again, felt indeed sure I had made a mistake. In this state of mind I spent the long hours of bumping swinging coach that carried me to the stopping-place at which I was to be met by a vehicle from the house. This convenience, I was told, had been ordered, and I found, toward the close of the June afternoon, a commodious fly in waiting for me. Driving at that hour, on a lovely day, through a country the summer sweetness of which served as a friendly welcome, my fortitude revived and, as we turned into the avenue, took a flight that was probably but a proof of the point to which it had sunk. I suppose I had expected, or had dreaded, something so dreary that what greeted me was a good surprise. I remember as a thoroughly pleasant impression the broad, clear front, its open windows and fresh curtains and the pair of maids looking out; I remember the lawn and the bright flowers and the crunch of my wheels on the gravel and the clustered tree-tops over which the rooks circled and cawed in the golden sky. The scene had a greatness that made it a different affair from my own scant home, and there immediately appeared at the door, with a little girl in her hand, a civil person who dropped me as decent a curtsy as if I had been the mistress or a distinguished visitor. I had received in Harley Street a narrower notion of the place, and that, as I recalled it, made me think the proprietor still more of a gentleman, suggested that what I was to enjoy might be a matter beyond his promise.
I had no drop again till the next day, for I was carried triumphantly through the following hours by my introduction to the younger of my pupils. The little girl who accompanied Mrs. Grose affected me on the spot as a creature too charming not to make it a great fortune to have to do with her. She was the most beautiful child I had ever seen, and I afterwards wondered why my employer hadnāt made more of a point to me of this. I slept little that nightāI was too much excited; and this astonished me too, I recollect, remained with me, adding to my sense of the liberality with which I was treated. The large, impressive room, one of the best in the house, the great state bed as I almost felt it, the figured full draperies, the long glasses in which, for the first time, I could see myself from head to foot, all struck meālike the wonderful appeal of my small chargeāas so many things thrown in. It was thrown in as well, from the first moment, that I should get on with Mrs. Grose in a relation over which, on my way, in the coach, I fear I had rather brooded The one appearance indeed that in this early outlook might have made me shrink again was that of her being so inordinately glad to see me. I felt within half an hour that she was so gladāstout, simple, plain, clean, wholesome womanāas to be positively on her guard against showing it too much. I wondered even then a little why she should wish not to show it, and that, with reflexion, with suspicion, might of course have made me uneasy.
But it was a comfort that there could be no uneasiness in a connection with anything so beatific as the radiant image of my little girl, the vision of whose angelic beauty had probably more than anything else to do with the restlessness that, before morning, made me several times rise and wander about my room to take in the whole picture and prospect; to watch from my open window the faint summer dawn, to look at such stretches of the rest of the house as I could catch, and to listen, while in the fading dusk the first birds began to twitter, for the possible recurrence of a sound or two, less natural and not without but within, that I had fancied I heard. There had been a moment when I believed I recognised, faint and far, the cry of a child; there had been another when I found myself just consciously starting as at the passage, before my door, of a light footstep. But these fancies were not marked enough not to be thrown off, and it is only in the light, or the gloom, I should rather say, of other and subsequent matters that they now come back to me. To watch, teach, āformā little Flora would too evidently be the making of a happy and useful life. It had been agreed between us downstairs that after this first occasion I should have her as a matter of course at night, her small white bed being already arranged, to that end, in my room. What I had undertaken was the whole care of her, and she had remained just this last time with Mrs. Grose only as an effect of our consideration for my inevitable strangeness and her natural timidity. In spite of this timidityāwhich the child herself, in the oddest way in the world, had been perfectly frank and brave about, allowing it, without a sign of uncomfortable consciousness, with the deep, sweet serenity indeed of one of Raphaelās holy infants, to be discussed, to be imputed to her and to determine usāI felt quite sure she would presently like me. It was part of what I already liked Mrs. Grose herself for, the pleasure I could see her feel in my admiration and wonder as I sat at supper with four tall candles and with my pupil, in a high chair and a bib, brightly facing me between them over bread and milk. There were naturally things that in Floraās presence could pass between us only as prodigious and gratified looks, obscure and round-about allusions.
āAnd the little boyādoes he look like her? Is he, too, so very remarkable?ā
One wouldnāt, it was already conveyed between us, too grossly flatter a child. āOh, miss, most remarkable. If you think well of this one!āāand she stood there with a plate in her hand, beaming at our companion, who looked from one of us to the other with placid, heavenly eyes that contained nothing to check us.
āYes; if I doā?ā
āYou will be carried away by the little gentleman!ā
āWell, that, I think, is what I came forāto be carried away. Iām afraid, however,ā I remember feeling the impulse to add, āIām rather easily carried away. I was carried away in London!ā
I can still see Mrs. Groseās broad face as she took this in. āIn Harley Street?ā
āIn Harley Street.ā
āWell, miss, youāre not the firstāand you wonāt be the last.
āOh, Iāve no pretensions,ā I could laugh, āto being the only one. My other pupil, at any rate, as I understand, comes back to-morrow?ā
āNot to-morrowāFriday, miss. He arrives, as you did, by the coach, under care of the guard, and is to be met by the same carriage.ā
I forthwith wanted to know if the proper as well as the pleasant and friendly thing wouldnāt therefore be that on the arrival of the public conveyance I should await him with his little sister; a proposition to which Mrs. Grose assented so heartily that I somehow took her manner as a kind of comforting pledgeānever falsified, thank heaven!āthat we should on every question be quite at one. Oh, she was glad I was there!
What I felt the next day was, I suppose, nothing that could be fairly called a reaction from the cheer of my arrival; it was probably at the most only a slight oppression produced by a fuller measure of the scale, as I walked round them, gazed up at them, took them in, of my new circumstances. They had, as it were, an extent and mass for which I had not been prepared and in the presence of which I found myself, freshly, a little scared not less than a little proud. Regular lessons, in this agitation, certainly suffered some wrong; I reflected that my first duty was, by the gentlest arts I could contrive, to win the child into the sense of knowing me. I spent the day with her out of doors; I arranged with her, to her great satisfaction, that it should be she, she only, who might show me the place. She showed it step by step and room by room and secret by secret, with droll, delightful, childish talk about it, and with the result, in half an hour, of our becoming tremendous friends. Young as she was I was struck, throughout our little tour, with her confidence and courage, with the way, in empty chambers and dull corridors, on crooked staircases that made me pause, and even on the summit of an old machicolated square tower that made me dizzy, her morning music, her disposition to tell me so many more things than she asked, rang out and led me on. I have not seen Bly since the day I left it, and I dare say that to my present older and more informed eyes it would show a very reduced importance. But as my little conductress, with her hair of gold and her frock of blue, danced before me round corners and pattered down passages, I had the view of a castle of romance inhabited by a rosy sprite, such a place as would somehow, for diversion of the young idea, take all colour out of storybooks and fairy-tales. Wasnāt it just a story-book over which I had fallen a-doze and a-dream? No; it was a big, ugly, antique but convenient house, embodying a few features of a building still older, half-displaced and half-utilized, in which I had the fancy of our being almost as lost as a handful of passengers in a great drifting ship. Well, I was strangely at the helm!
CHAPTER 2
This came home to me when, two days later, I drove over with Flora to meet, as Mrs. Grose said, the little gentleman; and all the more for an incident that, presenting itself the second evening, had deeply disconcerted me. The first day had been, on the whole, as I have expressed, reassuring; but I was to see it wind up to a change of note. The postbag that eveningāit came lateācontained a letter for me which, however, in the hand of my employer, I found to be composed but of a few words, enclosing another, addressed to himself, with a seal still unbroken. āThis, I recognise, is from the head master, and the head masterās an awful bore. Read him, please; deal with him; but mind you donāt report. Not a word. Iām off!ā I broke the seal with a great effortāso great a one that I was a long time coming to it; took the unopened missive at last up to my room and only attacked it just before going to bed. I had better have let it wait till morning, for it gave me a second sleepless night. With no counsel to take, the next day, I was full of distress; and it finally got so the better of me that I determined to open myself at least to Mrs. Grose.
āWhat does it mean? The childās dismissed his school.ā
She gave me a look that I remarked at the moment; then, visibly, with a quick blankness, seemed to try to take it back. āBut arenāt they allā?ā
āSent homeāyes. But only for the holidays. Miles may never go back at all.ā
Consciously, under my attention, she reddened. āThey wonāt take him?ā
āThey absolutely decline.ā
At this she raised her eyes, which she had turned from me; I saw them fill with good tears. āWhat has he done?ā
I cast about; then I judged best simply to hand her my documentāwhich, however, had the effect of making her, without taking it, simply put her hands behind her. She shook her head sadly. āSuch things are not for me, miss.ā
My counsellor couldnāt read! I winced at my mistake, which I attenuated as I could, and opened the letter again to repeat it to her; then, faltering in the act and folding it up once more, I put it back in my pocket. āIs it really bad?ā
The tears were still in her eyes. āDo the gentlemen say so?ā
āThey go into no particulars. They simply express their regret that it should be impossible to keep him. That can have but one meaning.ā Mrs. Grose listened with dumb emotion; she forbore to ask me what this meaning might be; so that, presently, to put the thing with some coherence and with the mere aid of her presence to my own mind, I went on: āThat heās an injury to the others.ā
At this, with one of the quick turns of simple folk, she suddenly flamed up. āMaster Miles!āhim an injury?ā
There was such a flood of good faith in it that, though I had not yet seen the child, my very fears made me jump to the absurdity of the idea. I found myself, to meet my friend the better, offering it, on the spot, sarcastically. āTo his poor little innocent mates!ā
āItās too dreadful,ā cried Mrs. Grose, āto say such cruel things! Why, heās scarce ten years old.ā
āYes, yes; it would be incredible.ā
She was evidently grateful for such a profession. āSee him, miss, first. Then believe it!ā I felt forthwith a new impatience to see him; it was the beginning of a curiosity that, all the next hours, was to deepen almost to pain. Mrs. Grose was aware, I could judge, of what she had produced in me, and she followed it up with assurance. āYou might as well believe it of the little lady. Bless her,ā she added the next momentāālook at her!ā
I turned and saw that Flora, whom, ten minutes before, I had established in the schoolroom with a sheet of white paper, a pencil and a copy of nice āround Oās,ā now presented herself to view at the open door. She expressed in her little way an extraordinary detachment from disagreeable duties, looking at me, however, with a great childish light that seemed to offer it as a mere result of the affection she had conceived for my person, which had rendered necessary that she should follow me. I needed nothing more than this to feel the full force of Mrs. Groseās comparison, and, catching my pupil in my arms, covered her with kisses in which there was a sob of atonement.
None the less, the rest of the day, I watched for further occasion to approach my colleague, especially as, toward evening, I began to fancy she rather sought to avoid me. I overtook her, I remember, on the staircase; we went down together and at the bottom I detained her, holding her there with a hand on her arm. āI take what you said to me at noon as a declaration that youāve never known him to be bad.ā
She threw back her head; she had clearly by this time, and very honestly, adopted an attitude. āOh, never known himāI donāt pretend that!ā
I was upset again. āThen you have known himā?ā
āYes indeed, miss, thank God!ā
On reflection I accepted this. āYou mean that a boy who never isā?ā
āIs no boy for me!ā
I held her tighter. āYou like them with the spirit to be naughty?ā Then, keeping pace with her answer, āSo do I!ā I eagerly brought out. āBut not to the degree to contaminateāā
āTo contaminate?āāmy big word left her at a loss.
I explained it. āTo corrupt.ā
She stared, taking my meaning in; but it produced in her an odd laugh. āAre you afraid heāll corrupt you?ā She put the questio...