How Not to Act Old
eBook - ePub

How Not to Act Old

185 Ways to Pass for Cool, Sound, Wicked, or at Least Not Totally Lame

  1. English
  2. ePUB (mobile friendly)
  3. Available on iOS & Android
eBook - ePub

How Not to Act Old

185 Ways to Pass for Cool, Sound, Wicked, or at Least Not Totally Lame

About this book

Still want to be cool but are afraid you no longer know how? Be not afraid – old is the new young!

You dye your hair, you happily order the weekly shop online, you're planning a trip to South America and even know who won Big Brother this year. But last week you also told your kids that G4 are 'sick' and were promptly silenced by looks of utter scorn.

Stay away from language that has no right to come out of lips that are more than 45 years old…make that 35…no, make that 14. No-one over the age of 16 uses 'sick' to describe anything, you don't 'hook-up' if you're not a teenager and you know you're over 40 if you have ever told another adult to carry an umbrella 'because the weather looks iffy'. If you think you're too old to act young or too past it to join Facebook, think again. This book is the essential guide to how not to act old – and how not to embarrass yourself whilst doing it!

With 150 different 'ways' how not to act old, this book covers everything you need to know about being young and how to recognise your limits when trying out your new, younger, attitude to life. Covering many areas including slang speech, relationships, parenting, fashion and technology and written with wit, style and humour, this book is sure to be a source of both amusement and comfort to people of a certain age everywhere.

Remember – old is just Young 2.0!

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Information

Publisher
HarperCollins
Year
2017
Print ISBN
9780007306138
eBook ISBN
9780007438204

Table of contents

  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright
  3. Dedication
  4. Contents
  5. Introduction
  6. #1: Stop Using E-mail
  7. #2: Don’t Say ‘Awesome’, ‘Dude’, or ‘Phat’
  8. #3: Unstrap that Rolex
  9. #4: Don’t Fear the Waxer
  10. #5: Avoid Direct Confrontation
  11. #6: Don’t Leave a Message
  12. #7: Don’t Dance to ‘Sexual Healing’
  13. #8–19: How Not to Work Old
  14. #20: Beware the Accidental Hook-up
  15. #21: Don’t Smoke Pot
  16. #22: Don’t Fear the F-word
  17. #23–29: How Not to Weekend Old
  18. #30: Don’t Get Too Excited about Mondays
  19. #31: Avoid Avoiding Babies
  20. #32: Don’t Be Proud of Being Befuddled by Technology
  21. #33: Don’t Advise People to Carry an Umbrella
  22. #34: Don’t Admit You’re Crazy about Springsteen
  23. #35: Don’t Be the Monica
  24. #36–44: How Not to Be a Cougar
  25. #45: Stop Talking about Menopause
  26. #46: No Lame Parenting Advice
  27. #47: Don’t Fear the Tat
  28. #48: Don’t Make Love
  29. #49: Do Not Block the Aisle
  30. #50: Throw off the Middle-aged Burka
  31. #51: No Poodles
  32. #52: Don’t Yell into Your Mobile Phone
  33. #53: Don’t Talk about Your (Grown-up) Children
  34. #54: Don’t Fear Rap
  35. #55: Don’t Drink Cosmopolitans
  36. #56: Learn to Type with Your Thumbs
  37. #57: Cancel the Trip to Provence
  38. #58: Edit the Anecdotes
  39. #59: Don’t Fear the Thong
  40. #60: Don’t Lust after Paul McCartney
  41. #61: No Chronic Health Discussions
  42. #62: Screw the Housework
  43. #63: Break that Saturday Night Sex Routine
  44. #64: Stop Surfing the Net
  45. #65: Have No Problem
  46. #66: Sponge off Your Parents
  47. #67–73: How Not to Party Old
  48. #74: Don’t Be Shocked by a Touch of Girl-on-girl
  49. #75: No to the Negativity
  50. #76: Enough with the Man-bashing
  51. #77: Don’t Fear the Silence
  52. #78: Don’t Live Somewhere Old
  53. #79: Don’t Say the Doctor, the Copper, or the Teacher ‘Looks Twelve’
  54. #80: Cancel the Dinner Party
  55. #81–87: How Not to Facebook Old
  56. #88: Crumble the Dried Flowers
  57. #89: Forget the Sixties Nostalgia
  58. #90: Don’t Wake Up Before Dawn
  59. #91: Enough with the Jane Austen Worship
  60. #92: Don’t Fear the Remote
  61. #93: No History
  62. #94: Don’t Plan
  63. #95: Don’t Be Named Bob or Pat
  64. #96: Torch Your Books
  65. #97: Get off the Eternal Diet
  66. #98: Say Yay!
  67. #99–124: How Not to Holiday Old
  68. #125: Don’t Live in a Big House and Complain about Money
  69. #126: C’mon, Tell Us All about Your Sex Life
  70. #127: Scratch that Golf Game
  71. #128: Never Admit You Have No Freaking Clue Who Leighton, Dappy, Rihanna, Little Boots, Tinchy, or Pixie Are
  72. #129: Turn Your Stereo Up and Your TV Down
  73. #130: Unless You’re in Nagasaki, Don’t Give (or Ask for) Directions
  74. #131: No Hovering
  75. #132: Don’t Cook the Roast
  76. #133: Don’t Lust after the Lifeguard
  77. #134: Dehyphenate Your Name
  78. #135: Don’t Fear the Teenager
  79. #136: Stop Bossing Everybody Around
  80. #137: Don’t Send Greetings Cards
  81. #138: No Matching Anything
  82. #139–143: U Can’t Has Convertible
  83. #144: Don’t Go Thinking that Gut Is Normal
  84. #145: Enough with the Midsummer Murders, Already!
  85. #146: Don’t Count Out Exact Change
  86. #147–160: How Not to Act Old at a Wedding
  87. #161: Don’t Watch the Evening News
  88. #162: Stop All that Moving Around
  89. #163: Hold the Moo Goo Gai Pan
  90. #164: Shave the Soul Patch
  91. #165: Stop Hoping Lauren Conrad Will Just Go Away
  92. #166: Don’t Be a Chicken
  93. #167: Step Away from the Giant Pumpkin
  94. #168: Autumn Is So Not Your Favourite Season
  95. #169: Get Rid of the Harley
  96. #170: No, that Was Not Mary-Kate Olsen You Saw on the Number 66 Bus
  97. #171: Don’t Have Black Friends, Gay Friends, Guy Friends, Jewish Friends, or Young Friends
  98. #172: Don’t Wear Pyjamas
  99. #173: Gotta Love those Entourage Boys
  100. #174: No Bras the Size of Scotland
  101. #175: Neutralize Your Crazy Old Sperm
  102. #176: Don’t Fear the Birthday
  103. #177: Stifle the Rants
  104. #178: Don’t Go Hatin’ on Christmas
  105. #179: Don’t Post Yourself on Youporn
  106. #180: Don’t Try to Be as Thin as Twiggy
  107. #181: Don’t Drive Too Fast … or Too Slow
  108. #182: Don’t Talk to Strangers
  109. #183: No Arcade Fire or Porkpie Hats
  110. #184: Don’t Walk Small
  111. #185: Don’t Die. Or Even Consider the Possibility of Dying
  112. Footnotes
  113. Keep Reading
  114. Acknowledgements
  115. About the Author
  116. Other Books By
  117. About the Publisher

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Yes, you can access How Not to Act Old by Pamela Redmond Satran in PDF and/or ePUB format, as well as other popular books in Medicine & Gynecology, Obstetrics & Midwifery. We have over 1.5 million books available in our catalogue for you to explore.