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CHAPTER ONE
How to Show Youāre a Somebody in Ten Seconds
A friend of mine, Karen, is a highly respected professional in the home-furnishings business. Her husband is an equally big name in the communications field. They have two small sons.
Whenever Karen is at a home-furnishings industry event, everyone pays deference to her. Sheās a Very Important Person in that world.
Yet, Karen complains, when she accompanies her husband to communications functions, she might as well be a nobody. When she takes her kids to school functions, sheās just another mum. She once asked me, āLeil, how can I stand out from the crowd so people who donāt know me will approach me and at least assume Iām an interesting person?ā The following techniques in this section accomplish precisely that. When you use them, you will come across as a special person to everyone you meet. You will stand out as a Somebody in whatever crowd you find yourself in, even if itās not your crowd.
Letās start with your smile.
The Flooding Smile
Big Winners know their smile is one of their most powerful weapons, so theyāve fine-tuned it for maximum impact.
The old-fashioned instant grin carries no weight with todayās sophisticated crowd. Look at world leaders, negotiators and corporate giants. Not a smiling sycophant among them. Key Players in all walks of life are just ever so slower to smile so, when it does erupt, it has more potency and the world smiles with them.
TECHNIQUE 1:
The Flooding Smile
Donāt flash an immediate smile when you greet someone, as though anyone who walked into your line of sight would be the beneficiary. Instead, look at the other personās face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes. It will engulf the recipient like a warm wave. The split second delay convinces people your flooding smile is genuine and only for them.
Sticky Eyes
Your eyes are personal grenades that have the power to detonate peopleās emotions. Big Players in the game of life know exaggerated eye contact can be extremely advantageous, especially between the sexes. In business, even when romance is not in the picture, strong eye contact packs a powerful wallop between men and women. It broadcasts a visceral message of comprehension and respect.
TECHNIQUE 2 (FOR WOMEN):
Sticky Eyes
Pretend your eyes are glued to your Conversation Partnerās with sticky warm toffee. Donāt break eye contact even after he or she has finished speaking. When you must look away, do it ever so slowly, reluctantly, stretching the gooey toffee until the tiny string finally breaks.
TECHNIQUE 3 (FOR MEN):
Sticky Eyes
When talking to men, you, too, can use Sticky Eyes. Just make them a little less sticky when discussing personal matters with men, lest your listener feel threatened or misinterpret your intentions. But do increase your eye-contact slightly more with men on day-to-day communications ā and a lot more when talking to women.
Now letās look at a very important technique to make you look like a Very Important Person.
Hang by Your Teeth
Big Winners in life stand with assurance. They move with confidence. They smile softly with pride. No doubt about it! Good posture symbolizes you are a man or woman who is used to being on top. Here is a visualization technique to get your body looking like a Winner. I call it Hang by Your Teeth.
TECHNIQUE 4:
Hang by Your Teeth
Visualize a circus iron-jaw bit hanging from the frame of every door you walk through. Take a bite and, with it firmly between your teeth, let it swoop you to the peak of the big top. When you Hang by Your Teeth, every muscle is stretched into perfect posture position.
You are now ready to float into the room to captivate the crowd or close the sale (or maybe just settle for looking like the most important person in the room).
The Big-Baby Pivot
The first few moments of your reactions when you meet a person for the first time set the stage upon which the entire relationship will be played out. If you ever want anything from the new acquaintance, you need to show them immediately that you recognize what a special person they are.
Here is a technique that will help you win what-ever your heart desires from whatever type of beasts you encounter in the social or corporate jungle. I call it The Big-Baby Pivot.
TECHNIQUE 5:
The Big-Baby Pivot
Give everyone you meet the Big-Baby Pivot. The instant the two of you are introduced, reward your new acquaintance. Give the warm smile, the total-body turn and the undivided attention you would give a tiny tyke who crawled up to your feet, turned a precious face up to yours and beamed a big toothless grin. Pivoting 100 per cent toward New Person shouts āI think you are very, very special.ā
Deep inside everyone is a big baby rattling the crib, wailing out for recognition of how very special he or she is.
Hello Old Friend
The secret to making people like you is showing how much you like them! When we see a close friend, we respond warmly from head to toe without a thought. Our lips part happily. We step closer. Our eyes become soft and wide. Our bodies turn fully towards our dear friend. Often, however, when we meet a new acquaintance, shyness or negativity slips out through our body language.
Hereās a visualization technique that guarantees that everyone you encounter will feel your warmth.
TECHNIQUE 6:
Hello Old Friend
When meeting someone, imagine he or she is an old friend. How sad, the vicissitudes of life tore you two asunder. But, holy mackerel, now the party (the meeting, the convention) has reunited you with your long-lost old friend!
The joyful experience starts a remarkable chain reaction in your body from the subconscious softening of your eyebrows to the positioning of your toes ā and everything between.
You now have all the basics to come across to everyone you meet as a Somebody, a friendly Somebody. But your job isnāt over yet. In addition to being liked, you want to appear credible, intelligent and sure of yourself. Each of the next three techniques accomplishes one of those goals.
Limit the Fidget
If you want to come across as an entirely credible Somebody, try to squelch all extraneous movement when your communication counts. Fidgety movements give the listener the sense that something just isnāt right or a gut feeling that the speaker is lying.
Here is a technique to help you come across as 100 per cent believable and trustworthy.
TECHNIQUE 7:
Limit the Fidget
Whenever your conversation really counts, let your nose itch, your ear tingle or your foo...
