Don't Take Yes for an Answer

Steve Herz

• Publisher: Harper Business
• Year: 2020
• ISBN:
  9780062869722
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Riunioni e presentazioni
• Index: Business

One of the nation's premier talent agents and career advisors shows you how to catapult your career and your life forward with three key communication strategies—Authority, Warmth, and Energy. A self-empowerment guide to achieving your fullest professional and personal potential, Don't Take YES for An Answer explains why positive feedback limits personal and professional growth and then teaches you how to embrace hard truths and critical feedback to escape mediocrity and break away from the pack.

To stand out, to attract the attention of those who can raise your profile, to protect yourself during lean times, or to gain the interest of future employers, you must harness three critical communication traits that human beings respond to most: AWE: A—Authority. W—Warmth. E—Energy. When all else is equal—education, work ethic, intelligence, experience, ambition—the single biggest factor in winning business, promotions, friendships, or followers hinges on our ability to communicate and connect. Mastering AWE gives you an unparalleled advantage over the competition, no matter your field.

Herz, who has represented and coached dozens of sports, media, and entertainment leaders over the course of nearly three decades, delivers a step-by-step program that helps you understand and hone your AWE skills. Packed with inspiring success stories, grounded in the latest social psychology and scientific research, and featuring "insider" anecdotes from some of the most popular entrepreneurs and professionals in broadcasting, sports, and the corporate world—many personally coached by Herz— Don't Take YES for An Answer provides invaluable suggestions and practical techniques for "upping" your AWE in every aspect of your life.

Chapter 1
What’s Blocking You?

Gus got to the bar first and grabbed his favorite table in the corner, sitting with his back against the wall so his friend Emilio would easily spot him when he walked in. As he took his first sip of beer, he thought about how long he and Emilio had been meeting here. They had found it twenty-five years ago, at the end of a long day that they had begun by emptying out the apartment they’d shared while pursuing their MBAs, packing up their lives in a yellow moving van, and moving to the city. The bartender had mistaken them for brothers. With their similar build and coloring, it hadn’t been the first or last time. Their lives had followed parallel paths ever since. Both had landed positions as assistant brand managers at a global company. Both had proven themselves to be intelligent and hardworking, and were well liked among their colleagues. Both were happily married to equally intelligent, hardworking women and were raising terrific kids. Both had risen up the corporate ranks roughly around the same time. In the past few years, however, their careers had diverged. Gus had changed jobs and companies multiple times in pursuit of the pay raises and promotions he knew he deserved. His current position was a good fit, and over the last three years, during which he had brought in some lucrative customers, he had regularly earned positive reviews from his boss and his team. “Keep up the good work,” his boss had said during his last 360. He was optimistic that this, finally, was where he would be allowed to show his leadership chops and truly shine. It sure was taking a long time, though. Meanwhile, Emilio had continued his steady rise at the same firm that had trained and molded him, taking on bigger and bigger management roles before he’d finally been lured away with a sweet package to work for the number one competitor in the field. Tonight they were celebrating his recent promotion to senior vice president of global operations.

Finally, the door opened and Gus saw Emilio step in. His eyes quickly scanned the room, then locked in on his buddy sitting in the back. Gus raised his glass in a salute, smiling, but as he watched Emilio make his way to the bar to order his drink, he felt his stomach tighten a little. What the hell was that? Jealousy? He was happy for his friend, really he was. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder, why him and not me?

Emilio slid into his chair, his scotch sloshing a little as he set it on the table. Gus held up his glass.

“All hail the conquering hero!”

Emilio grinned. “Shut up. No, seriously, thanks.”

“Your days must be packed. You barely had time to breathe before; what’s it like now?”

“Not so bad. I’m mean I’m busy, don’t get me wrong, and the days are long, but I’ve got a terrific team under me who—”

“Janet still there?”

“Yes, Janet is someone I talk to a lot about—”

“Janet and I worked together back at PMI. She could command a room like nobody’s business. I’m not surprised she’s there. I should look her up.”

“Yeah, she’s great. She was actually with me in Augusta when—”

“Augusta for the Masters?”

“Yes, we—”

“You went to the Masters?”

Emilio grinned. “I did. It was insane. You ever been on a private plane?”

Gus took a sip of his beer before replying. “Uh, no.”

“I’d never pay for it myself but I can’t lie, it’s a great way to travel. And you should see the company hospitality headquarters. They built these huge, gorgeous homes—”

“Yeah, I’ve heard about those.”

“Yeah, they’re beautiful. Lady Antebellum performed on—”

“Jenny started listening to them a long time ago and I didn’t really get it, but we went to see them about two years ago and they were incredible. Good show.”

An awkward silence descended over the table until Gus said, “Dude, I’m happy for you. Maybe one day my company will send me to the Masters, too.”

Emilio looked at Gus sympathetically. “Hey, don’t sweat it. You’ll see, you’ll be next.”

Gus made a face. “I don’t know. I’ve been there awhile now. They keep telling me I need to bring in more business, better clients. But I brought in that big account I told you about last year. What else am I supposed to do? I’m doing the best I can, you know?”

Emilio shrugged. “Totally. You’re doing great. If they don’t see how much value you bring, the problem is them, not you. You need to find a company that appreciates you.”

Gus nodded into his beer. Emilio was right. It was time to move on again.

Look in the Mirror

One could see this as a turning point in Gus’s life, a moment where he started getting serious about taking control of his professional life. Not me. As far as I’m concerned, Gus just grounded his career for good because he’s got spinach in his teeth and no one has the nerve to tell him. And if, like Gus, you’ve ticked off all the requisite boxes on your field’s checklist for professional advancement, yet seen yourself left behind as your colleagues and competitors zoomed up their career ladders, you’ve likely got spinach in your teeth, too.

Let me explain. Let’s say you prepared for weeks to make an important presentation, the kind where a close-up of your face will be projected on a big screen so everyone can get a good look at you. And let’s say that on that big day, when you stood up on the podium and began to speak, you revealed a little bit of leftover lunch—a piece of spinach lodged in between your teeth. You could be the most polished, poised person in the room, and no one would notice. Jewels of wisdom could fall from your lips, and no one would be able to hear them. Why? Because the flash of green they’re spotting every time you open your mouth would make it impossible to focus on anything else! Your entire interaction with your audience, in that moment, would be hijacked by an unsightly spot of spinach.

Now, one of the many differences between this book and others about good communication practices is that I make no distinction between public and private speaking. In fact, I believe there is an overrated correlation between public speaking and success, and an underrated correlation between private speaking and success. Any trait, characteristic, or bad habit that unbeknownst to you hampers the effectiveness with which you present yourself or communicate on a daily basis, especially at work though not exclusively so, is the equivalent of that unsightly, off-putting bit of spinach. It could be a squeaky voice, a condescending attitude, a sloppy appearance, or a disregard for personal space that makes people uncomfortable. Even a poor handshake or a thick regional accent can prevent people from perceiving you as the superstar you really are. These traits and habits may seem inconsequential, even superficial, but if they keep you from showing yourself off in your best light, block your ideas from being heard and understood, and prevent people from trusting and believing in you, they are getting in the way of your success. In my experience, gleaned from twenty-five years of guiding high-striving talent to the pinnacle of their careers, when all else is essentially equal—education, work ethic, intelligence, experience, ambition—the single biggest factor to winning business, promotions, friendships, followers, and voters comes down to one thing: our ability to communicate and make deep human connections.

My anecdotal evidence is supported by a seminal study published by the prestigious Carnegie Foundation1 for the Advancement of Teaching that asked participants what factors were the most important in determining probable success or failure in terms of employment and promotion. Its conclusion: only 15 percent of one’s financial success is attributable to technical proficiency and knowledge. The much larger influencer of your financial success—the 85 percent—rests on your personality, and your ability to communicate, negotiate, and lead. In a word: your connectability.

At first glance, these lopsided percentages might seem dubious, in large part because this study was done in 1918 on a population of 1,500 engineers. If there were one field where you might not expect connectability to be a determining factor of success, it would be engineering, and especially one hundred years ago before the advent of all the communication technology that’s transformed billions of us, regardless of our profession, into human megaphones. Yet according to the National Soft Skills Association, the findings of this study, while dated and imperfect, have been replicated by the Carnegie Foundation, Harvard University, and the Stanford Research Center2 after extrapolating the data.3

The results hold up. Many gatekeepers in the professional world admit that they base a large part of their decision making on the presence or absence of the 85 percent, generally agreeing that nontechnical social skills are essential to workplace success and to reaching one’s full potential.4 In a Wall Street Journal survey of nearly 900 executives, 92 percent said soft skills were equally important or more important than technical skills.5 And a LinkedIn survey of hiring managers revealed that skills like interpersonal communication, teamwork, and a friendly personality were at the top of their list of most sought-after traits.6 One Harvard paper reports that applicants who demonstrate strong connectability are also offered higher pay. 7

Even in technical careers such as IT and health care, soft skills are considered “baseline skills,” a requirement for the job.8 Specifically, in the tech industry, which traditionally attracts large numbers of self-proclaimed antisocial programmers and engineers, and where the culture often encourages technical expertise above all else, management and investors are beginning to recognize that the lack of interpersonal skills in their workforce is a weakness and a liability. Google’s Project Oxygen, which researched its own pool of top employees since the company was founded in 1998, surprised everyone when it reported that out of the eight qualities considered most important, STEM skills (science, technology, engineering, and math) came in eighth. Absolutely last! Again, hovering at the top were qualities like good communication and empathy.9 Silicon Valley companies have suggested that their teams’ lack of the soft skills that foster connectability has been directly responsible for creating dysfunctional teams and products that don’t perform well.10

Things get even more problematic when we learn that 63 percent of recent college graduates say they are very prepared in the soft skills required to be successful at their jobs, but only 14 percent of employers agree.11 That’s a huge gap. Because the cost of a mis-hire can accrue a significant cost to employers, many companies are investing more time and capital in “teasing out” the 85 percent by developing tests and other screening methods, and introducing training programs.12 But many aren’t. Which means too many new grads and young employees aren’t being informed when they lack these crucial communication skills. Often it doesn’t matter so much in the early stages of their career, but that weakness can have an outsize effect later, when promotions are often based on how much new business a person brings in or how much confidence they inspire.

You will always be at a professional disadvantage if your too-soft voice and ducked head make you seem timid, if your hunched shoulders and rambling, m...