SCENE 1
Late afternoon. A small apartment in a residential hotel in Times Square. Bottles. Ashtrays. Underwear. Veronica is cleaning up. She talks on the phone, cleaning as she goes.
VERONICA: Yeah . . . Um-hm . . . Nah, Ma, Iâm listening. Iâm just cleaning . . . Cleaning! . . . âCuz Jackie donât clean, and I like my shit clean, Maâalright? Um-hmm . . . Um-hmm . . . Yeah, well, you know my opinion on that, Maâyou should dump his ass! . . . Maâthe guyâs an angry, bald, deadbeat alcoholic crook who looks like a fuckinâ fish, Iâm sorry! . . . Yeah, well, Iâm sure Attila the Hun had his good points too, but that donât mean Iâd wanna shack up in his hut! . . . Attila the Hun. You know, he was a Hun? . . . A Hun, Ma, a Hun, I dunno, a fucked-up guyâa fuckinâ Hun! . . . I am speaking louder . . . Itâs âcuz you drink too much, you shouldnât do thatâhold on a sec. (She spots a line of blow and snorts it) Ma, letâs talk in the morning . . . Ma? . . . Ma? Okay, look, for the last time, my opinion, youâre still a good-lookinâ woman with a huge, lovinâ heart and youâre not hard to pleaseâclearlyâbut youâre dating a fuckinâ big-time loser with a head like a actual fuckinâ fish! . . . Okay, look, please, alls Iâm gonna say, Ma, when you see him tonight: take a moment. Take a breath. Take a real good look and just ax yourself in all honestyââDo I wanna fuck himâor fry him up with a little adobo and paprika anâ feed him to fuckinâ Buster and Negrito, okay?!â . . . I love you too. I miss him too. Kiss Buster and Negrito for me. I got your check for the cable on Thursday, weâll eat ice cream . . . love you, okay . . .
(Jackie enters with flowers; she hangs up.)
Oh my God, are those for me?!
JACKIE: I dunno! These flowers are for my âBeautiful Boriqua Taino Mamacita Love Me Long Time Princess fuckinâ Beauty Queenâ! Are you my âBeautiful Boriqua Taino Mamacita Love Me Long Time Princess fuckinâ Beauty Queenâ?!
VERONICA: Yes, Mr. ManâI am your big, beautiful, whatever the fuck you just said Princess Queen!
JACKIE: Then I guess these are yours! And this chocolate bar, and this lotto ticket, and this little tiny fuzzy bear that grips anâ shit, ANDâHold up!âAND these two movie tickets to see the movie thatâs playing at the movie theater later when we go see the movie and eat popcorn and Junior Mints and whatever the fuck else you want âcuz youâre my fuckinâ âBeautiful Boriqua Taino Mamacita Love Me Long Time Princess Goddess Supergirl Queenââwho happens to be eyeballing the newest member of this cityâs fine-ass working-class workforce!
VERONICA: You got a job?!
JACKIE: Yo! Lemme tell you something about the man you share a Bed of Love with: when he says, âBaby, Iâm a come home with a job todayââ
VERONICA: âThe motherfucker delivers?!
JACKIE: Like FedEx, baby!
VERONICA: I am so proud of you!
JACKIE: I think Iâm hyperventilating!
VERONICA: Me too!
JACKIE: I got a job today!
VERONICA: I know you did!
JACKIE: I did it because of you, Veronica!
VERONICA: Nah baby, you did it âcuz youâre the fuckinâ MANâthatâs why you did that shit!
JACKIE: I ainât saying Iâm not the MANââcuz clearly I AM the fuckinâ MANâbut, itâs because of you, Veronicaââcuz you wanna know why?
VERONICA: Why?
JACKIE: Because get in this bed right now and lemme show you why!
VERONICA: . . . Lemme shower first.
JACKIE: I donât care about that.
VERONICA: But I wanna shower.
JACKIE: But I like it like that.
VERONICA: Jackie. Iâll be quick.
JACKIE: . . . I love you, Veronica . . .
(Beat.)
VERONICA: Lemme shower, stoopid . . .
(Beat.)
JACKIE: Veronica?
VERONICA: Yeah?
JACKIE: Why you gettinâ all misty over there?
VERONICA: I canât get misty when my man warms my heart?
JACKIE: Nah, yeah, you could get misty.
VERONICA: Youâre sober. You got a job. You got me a little fuzzy bear that grips anâ shitâwhat?âI canât get misty if Iâm feelinâ like that?
JACKIE: Nah, yo, mist awayâIâm good with dat.
VERONICA: . . . Iâm gonna go to Carvel after we finish our business, and Iâm gonna get you a fuckinâ cake, baby.
JACKIE: Yeah?
VERONICA: A big-ass Wally the Whale cake witâ chocolate and sprinkles and icing and Carvel goodness and Carvel love all up in it.
JACKIE: Take a shower, mamiââcuz Iâm ready to do work!
VERONICA: Oh yeah?
JACKIE: Yo: when Iâm done with that ass, that ass gonna levitate three feet off the mattress! And you gonna be like, âYo, Jackie: why me and my ass floatinâ in the air like this?â And Iâll be likeâ
VERONICA: Hold that thought. Iâll be back in a minute.
(Veronica exits to the shower.)
JACKIE: Oh! And yo, I didnât even tell you about the best part!
VERONICA: Did you tell your PO yet?
JACKIE: What?
VERONICA: Your parole officer, you told him about your job?
JACKIE: Yeah. He told me, âWhaddya want? A medal for doing what youâre supposed to be doing?ââbut I could tell his ass was happy . . .
VERONICA: . . . Iâm gettinâ in the shower now.
JACKIE: Okay . . . Can you hear me?
VERONICA: Mmm-hmm.
(Jackie strips. Gets in bed.)
JACKIE: Yo, the best part: career advancement! This guy, Veronicaâthe boss anâ shitâhe talked to me just like one human being to another, Veronica. He tolâ me, âWe only got two rules here: Be polite to the tenants, and be polite to each other.â . . . And I thought about it, and I was like, âThose are good rules, sir,â and then he was like, âGood enough. Start Monday.â . . . And after I left, I was like, âThat motherfucker was right.â âCuz, really, life is too short, ya know? Why shouldnât we all be nice, or at least, like try . . . Ya know? Anâ yoâcareer advancement! If I hook this up right, these people got like five buildings. I could go from porter to maybe even a super âcuz I already got the repa...