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The Evening Star
A Novel
Larry McMurtry
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eBook - ePub
The Evening Star
A Novel
Larry McMurtry
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About This Book
The earthy humor and the powerful emotional impact that set McMurtry's Terms of Endearment apart from other novels now rise to brilliant new heights with The Evening Star. McMurtry takes us deep into the heart of Texas, and deep into the heart of one of the most memorable characters of our time, Aurora Greenwayāalong with her family, friends, and loversāin a tale of affectionate wit, bittersweet tenderness, and the unexpected turns that life can take. This is Larry McMurtry at his very best: warm, compassionate, full of comic invention, an author so attuned to the feelings, needs, and desires of his characters that they possess a reality unique in American fiction.
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III
Auroraās Project
1
āYou sure do own a lot of gowns,ā Jerry said, rolling over. āI donāt think Iāve ever seen you in the same gown twice. Youāre sort of a Scheherazade of gowns.ā
Aurora pulled the gown of the moment back down over her hips. It was a pale peach gown she had bought in Paris some ten years back.
āIād like to think that means Iām going to get a thousand and one nights out of you,ā she said, stroking his stomach. She had become too fond of him to conceal many of her feelings, although she knew her feelings disturbed him. He would have been more comfortable if she concealed nine-tenths of her feelings, and she knew it, yet she couldnāt conceal themāor, at least, she refused to. She felt them, she wanted to feel them, she let them go on and brim overāit seemed unlikely that she would ever brim again in quite that way, and she had no intention of slapping a lid on what she felt, bleak though the ultimate consequences might be.
Jerry said nothing. It was at such moments, after lovemaking, when he felt most strongly that life would have been more comfortable if he had followed his instincts and headed out to Elko. There were probably some cute, skinny waitresses in Elko.
āI do have some very nice gowns.ā Aurora said. āIn my day nice gowns were thought to be a necessary accouterment to seductionāIām sure that view has long since gone by the way. Somehow I doubt that Iām going to get anything like a thousand and one nights out of you despite my well-chosen gowns.ā
They were lying in his bed at dusk, with no lights onāthe sun had set, but birds were still chirping in Jerryās backyard. Theirs was not an affair of brilliant mornings or sunny noonsātheirs was an affair of dusk and gowns. Aurora managed it that wayārelentlessly, but with a nice tact.
Just when Jerry was beginning to feel surly, resenting her, telling himself it was time to dig in his heels and not let her make it happen again, she arrived and somehow made it happen. She would bring over a good bottle of wine or a thermos of margaritas of her own making. He liked good wine and good margaritasāthey helped him get his mind off a long day of patients whose miseries were endless and ineradicable. He was pleasantly fuzzy from the wine, or pleasantly tipsy from the margaritas; Aurora would materialize in her gown and bite his neck or something. Even when he was at his stiffest, determined not to allow her to surprise him, she would quickly worm her way around his resistance and surprise him.
At such moments she somehow wiped out the age gap and all other gaps, just with sheer appeal. Sometimes she was delicate and sometimes she was bold, sometimes she got him a little drunker than other times, but always, little by little, she dissolved his resistance. She made him forget that she was a lot more fleshy than the slim, trim exercise addicts he usually had for girlfriends. The slim, trim beauties went to no such trouble. They assumed heād break his neck trying to seduce them, and if he didnāt, they could always race-walk away and some other guy would. Their bodies were exactly the kind of bodies he liked, and Auroraās wasnāt at all, and yet, again and again, she coaxed him into bed.
Once he had allowed it to happen yet again, Jerry felt half annoyed, but also a little flattered. Who else had ever put that much thought, or that much tact, or anything like that much skill, into seducing him? Aurora never let it become just the same old thingāat least, she hadnāt so far. She took some pains with her preludes, bringing him tasty things to eat, or books and records she knew he wanted. She didnāt call too often, she stayed clear of him during working hours, she spaced her visits, she was responsive to anything he wanted to do, and often had things she wanted to doāerotic thingsāthat took him by surprise.
It was odd to think of a woman her age as his mistress, but the word āgirlfriendā didnāt work either for a woman her age. He didnāt quite know what to call her, but he had to admit that if a mistress was what she was, she was pretty nearly an ideal mistress. Once his resistance dissolved on a given occasion, he sometimes suddenly felt that he loved Auroraāloved her very much. He felt touched emotionally in ways that he had not been touched before.
Still, the fact remained that he was sleeping with someone he indeed might love but didnāt really want to sleep with. Sometimes he would spend half a day trying to rehearse a nice way to tell Aurora that he didnāt want to sleep with her anymore, but he never came close to actually telling her such a thing. Half an hour after rehearsing things to say that would help him get rid of her, she would show up and make him forget all his plans. There would be moments when he even felt that he was in love with herāreally in love. Several times he felt it so strongly that he told her he was in love with her. Aurora usually received these declarations lightlyāso lightly that it annoyed him.
āI donāt say that very often,ā he complained. āI donāt tell just anybody that Iām in love with them. Doesnāt it matter to you?ā
They were standing by the bedāthey had been kissing, but Aurora moved back a step. She looked inaccessible, and less fond of him than she had seemed only a moment earlier.
āThatās flattering to hear, I suppose,ā she said.
āYou suppose?ā Jerry said, startled. āDonāt you want me to love you?ā
āWhy, yes, I suppose,ā Aurora said again, with a cool little smile.
Jerry began to feel tight in his chest. He also felt a sense of dĆ©jĆ vu. it was to avoid just such scenes or just such moments that he mainly kept on the move. He had been afraid one might develop with Aurora, which was why he had been planning to get rid of her. Now the ground between them was splittingāa crevasse had just opened between them, and it was widening, all because he had suddenly felt himself in love with this devilish, aging woman, and had said so.
āWhat are we doing here, then?ā he asked. āWhy do you come to my house, if you donāt want me to love you?ā
āTo get laid,ā Aurora said.
Jerry flinched, not so much at the statement as at her tone, which was still light. She wasnāt angry or hardāmoments ago they had been kissingābut she didnāt seem to take his declaration of love seriously. Nothing very strange had happenedāfeeling had risen up in him and he had said, āYou know what? I love you.ā Why had that made her step away?
āYouāre joking,ā he said. He decided that must be it. She was always teasing and joking, making remarks that were ironic, or sarcastic, or vulgar, or silly. Often her joking took him off guardāhe was aware that she was quicker than he was, that he could never get quite in sync with her humor. Maybe instead of a widening crevasse, all that was going on was a leg pull. Maybe she was pulling back in order to suck him in a little deeper.
āAm I joking?ā Aurora asked. She came back closer to him and put her arms around his neck.
āTell me,ā she said. āAm I joking?ā
āI think youāre crazy,ā Jerry said. āAll I did was tell you I love you. Most women like to hear that.ā
āHere we go, a generalization,ā Aurora said. āI expect itās a true one, of course, for once. Most women do like to be told theyāre loved, but only when itās true, my dear. Only when they can believe itāotherwise it can be rather off-putting, as you have just discovered.ā
āYou donāt believe me?ā Jerry said. It had not occurred to him that his āI love youā would be disbelieved, although his own words, in this instance, took him by surpriseāhe had not really planned or expected to say it.
āNope,ā Aurora said, moving even closer. Then she bit his neck so hard he tried to jerk away. But she didnāt let him. For a moment he felt like shoving her through the windowāwho was she to disbelieve him so casually? But he didnāt shove her through the windowāthere was a rather hostile wrestling match that led to a sweaty, sticky embrace. When it was over Jerry still felt aggrieved that Aurora was so skeptical of his feelings at the moment when he felt so strongly.
āI suppose I was rather hard on you,ā she said, rubbing the bite on his neck. She had broken the skin just slightly.
āYou were horrible,ā Jerry said. āI do love youāI wouldnāt even still be in this town, if I didnāt love you.ā
Aurora didnāt look inaccessible anymore, at least. But her look now was a little sad.
āPlanning to leave soon?ā she asked.
āNo, not really planning,ā Jerry said. āBut you are a big factor in my life, even though you donāt believe it.ā
āWhat about your patients?ā Aurora asked. āWere you planning on chartering a bus and taking them with you?ā
Jerry didnāt answer. Actually, when contemplating Elko, he did feel guilty about his patients. He wasnāt really curing any of themāhe was just sort of maintaining them, listening a lot, advising a little. Patsy had been right to call him the neighborhood priest. He wasnāt making anybody wellāhe was just providing a kind of consistent reassurance. Still, his parishioners did depend on him. A little reassurance was better than none.
āSay something,ā Aurora demanded. āWere you just planning to run out on me and your patients too, and if so, why did you profess such shock when I made free to disbelieve your little declaration of love?ā
āIt wasnāt so little,ā Jerry saidāher immediate step back, when heād said it, still hurtāand so did the bite on his neck.
āThatās for me to judge, and I judge it to have been modest,ā Aurora said. āYour patients all sound rather crushed. I imagine they think of you as a doctor. I doubt many of them realize what a trifler you are.ā
āI havenāt actually gone anywhere,ā Jerry said. āHow am I trifling?ā
āYouāre the psychiatrist,ā Aurora said. āIāve done my best not to start explaining you to yourself. That would be quite presumptuous, since Iām not a psychiatrist. Iām just a picky woman.ā
āYou are picky,ā Jerry said.
āYes, I know,ā Aurora replied. āMen have been complaining about my pickiness since I was fifteen. Iāve heard my flaws described hundreds of times over the years.ā
She fell silent. Jerry wished sheād go home, but on the other hand he knew that if he let her go home looking so sad heād be miserable and feel guilty all night, although he really hadnāt done a thing to feel guilty for, that he could remember.
āPicky or not, I recognize that youāre a very sweet man,ā Aurora said in a subdued voice. āItās because youāre so sweet that Iāve developed this awkward crush on you. Because youāre sweet youāve even let me indulge my crushāa generous thing for you to do. It may well be my last crush, and itās meant a lot to me. But Iāve never been fool enough to assume it could mean much to you. I suppose thatās why I have a tendency to withdraw when you suddenly decide you love me. I feel youāre only saying it for your own benefit.ā
āYou mean you think I only love myself?ā Jerry asked.
āNo, no,ā Aurora said, getting off the bed. She picked up her dress rather wearily and went into the bathroom to change. Jerry sat up, but he didnāt get out of bed. He felt it was likely to be a night he would mainly spend being depressed. Maybe heād walk to the video store and rent a kung fu movie, as good an antidote as any to certain kinds of depression.
Aurora soon emerged from the bathroom, buttoning her dress.
āWhere were we in our debate?ā Jerry asked pleasantly. There was still hope that he could work her out of her low mood before she left.
Aurora sat down in a chair across from the bed and picked up a stocking. She had been to see Pascal before coming to see Jerry, and she tried to keep up certain dress standards when seeing Pascal. He had been extremely surly with her since leaving the hospitalāhe never failed to point out that she had dropped him for a younger man after he had cracked his skull while coming to her rescue.
Still, there was no tellingāPascal might yet be her lot in life, so she tried to keep up her standards. She wore stockings when she went to see him, and despite his surliness they managed to have a certain amount of fun.
But at the moment, with the day waning and gloom in her heart, she didnāt feel like getting back into stockings. Instead of putting them on, she wadded them up and stuffed them in her purse.
āWell, we were discussing your career as a trifler,ā Aurora said. She transferred herself to the edge of his bed and turned on the bed light so she could see him better. Trifler or not, he was appealing, and never more so than when he was feeling aggrieved, or misunderstood, or pouty at the thought that he was not being taken seriously. She touched his face fondly to show that she bore him no hard feelings.
āThanks to your indulgence Iāve become profoundly fond of you, young man,ā she said. āYou allowed me to take an interest in you, and now I have.ā
āIāve taken an interest in you, too, although you donāt seem to believe it,ā Jerry said.
āIf you donāt stop being so defensive Iām going to bite you again, and this time it will really hurt,ā Aurora said.
āIām not defensive,ā Jerry said defensively. āI just donāt have any idea what you want.ā
āI want you to be good,ā Aurora said. āIām having my fun and thatās fine, but I donāt like to think that Iām having it with someone who wonāt bother to be good.ā
Her remark was so unexpected that Jerry didnāt know quite what to say. At least she was not looking so sad. He took one of her hands and she let him hold it.
āExpense of spirit,ā she said. āRemember the line? Most of the men Iāve loved havenāt been much, professionally. Hector was a minor general. My husband, Rudyard, was a minor executive. Pascal is a minor diplomat. Trevor, my most dashing beau, was a minor yachtsman. Vernon Dalhart was a minor oilman. The only first-rater Iāve ever been involved with was Alberto, my tenor, and he was only first-rate for a few years in his youth. He ended his days running a music store.ā
She pursed her lips, looked away, then looked back at him. āI thought Iād do better, but when allās said and done I didnāt do better,ā she said. āNow Iāve flung myself at you just because youāre cute.
āIām continuing my pattern of not doing better,ā she added with a wry grin.
āI seeāI fit right in with the rest of your guys, donāt I?ā Jerry saidāhe liked her wry grins. āIām as minor as the rest of them.ā
āYes, but you can still be good,ā Aurora said. āYou started out as a fake shrink, but now, like it or not, youāre a real shrink. People become what they do, and you are treating your patients. I like that. In fact I like it a lot. But now you have to live up to it, donāt you? I donāt mean with me. You can cast me out any day and go back to your working girls. Iāve never exactly been a working girl, but I respect them. You can have as many of them as you want, once this is done.ā
āPlease stop talking like that,ā Jerry said. Although he knew very well that he wanted the affair to be over, he didnāt want to admit that fact to Aurora. Instead, he felt a need to deny it, even to make it sound ridiculous. He knew that Auroraās way of looking at their situation was a good deal more honest than his own. That was no novelty, eitherāwomen were always more ho...