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The Wisdom and Teachings of Stephen R. Covey
Stephen R. Covey
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eBook - ePub
The Wisdom and Teachings of Stephen R. Covey
Stephen R. Covey
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About This Book
Stephen R Covey passed away in July 2012, leaving behind a legacy unmatched in his writings about leadership, time management, effectiveness and success, even love and family. The Wisdom and Teachings of Stephen R Coveyis a compilation of his most profound, inspiring teachings and sayings. Among the topics covered in this book are time management, success, leadership - including principle-centered leadership - all of the 7 Habits, love, and family.
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THE
PRINCIPLE
OF
EMPATHY
PRINCIPLE
OF
EMPATHY
Suppose youâve been having trouble with your eyes and you decide to go to an optometrist for help. After briefly listening to your complaint, he takes off his glasses and hands them to you.
âPut these on,â he says. âIâve worn this pair of glasses for ten years now and theyâve really helped me. I have an extra pair at home; you can wear these.â
So you put them on, but it only makes the problem worse.
âThis is terrible!â you exclaim. âI canât see a thing!â
âWell, whatâs wrong?â he asks. âThey work great for me. Try harder.â
âI am trying,â you insist. âEverything is a blur.â
âWell, whatâs the matter with you? Think positively.â
âOkay. I positively canât see a thing.â
âBoy, you are ungrateful!â he chides. âAnd after all Iâve done to help you!â
What are the chances youâd go back to that optometrist the next time you need help? Not very good, I would imagine. You donât have much confidence in someone who doesnât diagnose before he or she prescribes.
But how often do we diagnose before we prescribe in communication?7
As you care less about what people think of you, you will care more about what others think of themselves.7
At some time in your life, you probably had someone believe in you when you didnât believe in yourself.7
Being influenceable is the key to influencing others.7
Donât be seduced by your own autobiography.21
Empathic listening is listening with intent to understand. I mean seeking first to understand, to really understand. Empathic listening gets inside another personâs frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the way they see the world, you understand their paradigm, you understand how they feel.7
Empathy enlarges your own thinking. When your spouse or your co-worker or your friend really opens up to you and becomes transparent to you, he injects his views into yours. His truths now belong to you as well.5
Empathy is not sympathy. Sympathy is a form of agreement. Empathy is not agreeing with someone; it is fully, deeply understanding that person, emotionally as well as intellectually.7
Fear is a knot of the heart, and to untie these knots is a matter of sincere, genuine, honest, affirming relationship. It is not so much a matter of intellectual understanding at all!4
I have made it a regular practice to interview my children. The basic ground rule in this âinterviewâ is that I only listen and try to understand. It is not a time for moralizing, preaching, teaching, or discipliningâthere are other times for thatâthis is a time to merely listen and understand and empathize. Sometimes I want terribly to move in and advise, teach, judge, or sympathize, but I have inwardly determined that during these special visits I will only attempt to understand.4
If all the air were suddenly sucked out of the room youâre in right now, what would happen to you? You wouldnât care about anything except getting air. Survival would be your only motivation. But now that you have air, it doesnât motivate you. This is one of the greatest insights in the field of human motivations: Satisfied needs do not motivate. Itâs only the unsatisfied need that motivates. Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survivalâto be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated. When you listen with empathy to another person, you give that person psychological air.7
If I were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle I have learned in the field of interpersonal relations, it would be this: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.7
If you prize the relationship you have with the other party in a negotiation, youâll listen to him actively, reflectively, and empathically. You wonât listen superficially, just waiting for a chance t...