Emotional Fitness at Work

6 Strategic Steps to Success Using the Power of Emotion

Barton Goldsmith

• Publisher: Career Press
• Year: 2009
• ISBN:
  9781601637741
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Business Communication
• Index: Business

As the world's economies continue to melt down, Dr. Goldsmith gives us the information we need to help make it through this difficult and scary time. Anyone who wants to keep his or her joband any leader who wants to keep his or her company afloatneeds to learn how to deal with and utilize the power of emotions.

Packed with simple tools, tactics, tricks, and techniques, Emotional Fitness at Work will help you to see how feelings directly impact your workforce, to do comprehensive evaluations, and to create an empowered team, even if you've never done it before.

Emotional Fitness at Work will cover:

• Using emotions to work through the recession.
• How negative thinking affects the bottom line.
• Truly motivating your team to reach the next level.
• Reducing anxiety and depression in the workplace.
• Accepting responsibility and making it profitable.

2

Resolving Conflicts

The second step in creating an emotionally fit workplace is to create a system of conflict resolution. No matter how great your team may be, eventually someone’s toes are going to get stepped on, and you need to have a surefire means of dealing with those types of issues.Learning how to eliminate the negative and accentuate the positive in business may seem trite or even elusive at first glance. Simple cost-effective strategies and applicable techniques can create a successful company, or help a phoenix rise from the ashes.

Learning how to resolve workplace issues requires that you be prepared for them.It will help you deal with overreactions,broken business relationships,and problem-solving.Effective business communication techniques are money and time-savers when you have to deal with difficult people or situations. In today’s work environment, we have to learn to be great coaches, get really good at listening, and, when we do have to confront someone, learn how to do it in a caring manner.All of this will make getting through the difficult times much easier.

13

10 Issue Resolution Preparation Techniques

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed
is more important than any one thing.

—Abraham Lincoln

Perhaps the most difficult part of having a deep conversation with someone you work with on a daily basis is getting the process started. Most people open these conversations with little preparation because they can no longer contain their emotions.When this happens sometimes things are said that the speaker may regret afterward.It is wise to think before you talk,especially about issues that may have an emotional charge, so a little internal processing beforehand may be your most valuable tool.

The techniques that follow are specifically designed to help facilitate the necessary thinking required before you talk with your staff or fellow teammates about something that is bothering you. You don’t need to use them all; try the ones that are easiest for you and see how they work.

1. Sleep on it. Forget about it for a while, watch some TV, cook,go fishing—but don’t use any of these as an avoidance technique. This will allow your feelings to settle a little and you’ll have a different perspective.

2. Be sure that the issue is real and you’re not just complaining. It’s easy to blame someone else when things don’t go as planned so check that out before you point a finger. Also look inside yourself and be sure you’re not angry about a personal issue that you’re projecting on to a teammate.

3. Think about to whom you’re talking. Before you share it, imagine how the person you want to talk to will receive your input. Different people hear things in different ways. If your coworker is visual, perhaps they would respond more favorably to something in writing to get the conversation started. If they are auditory, telling them straight out is best. Just be sure they are not highly sensitive or over reactive.

4. If appropriate, talk with someone else.Get an objective read on your feelings before you talk to the person you’re having the issue with, but don’t allow yourself to be overly influenced by someone else’s opinion.An objective third party is one of the most underutilized business tools we have at our fingertips.

5. Write down what you want to say. A pro-and-con list may be the simplest way of deciding what needs to be discussed or even if it’s appropriate to have the conversation at all. Read it over before the conversation, because you will want to make some changes after you first write your list.It may also help to take notes on the conversation.

6. Don’t generalize and remember to be prepared with examples. Putting your issues into categories may help you with this.If you have documentation,that is also helpful,but keep it to a manageable level.Don’t expect someone to stay focused if you are reading a phone book to him. Strive to cover your points clearly but succinctly.

7. Don’t avoid a possibly painful conversation. Remember that you usually feel better after it’s over, and getting started is the hardest part. Once you actually sit down face to face, it may be hard to not just start talking.Also, it can help to keep the finish line in mind.

8. Make an appointment with the person to talk.This can give you the opportunity to get away from your normal routine and have some quiet time to discuss things in an appropriate fashion.Also, be prepared for him or her to say that right now is the best time to talk.

9. Be polite. It’s hard to put the toothpaste back in the tube. Venting your anger will only make the gap wider and the issue more clouded.If you are physically or emotionally unbalanced, your ability to behave appropriately will be diminished.

10. Imagine or visualize the conversation. It will help it to go the way you want it to go can see a positive outcome in your mind’s eye and allow yourself to feel good about how you’ll handle the issue. This is the kind of visualization technique that successful athletes use.

Processing your feelings before you lay them on your teammate will help you deliver them in the most appropriate manner, and will help your issue resolution discussion go much easier. Once you experience having a positive conversation about a difficult subject, the next ones will not seem as daunting.

14

Over Reactive People

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make
violent revolution inevitable.

—John F. Kennedy

When someone steps on your toe, you say, “ Ouch!” What do you say and do when someone at the office steps on your emotional toes and hurts your feelings? Saying “ouch”may actually be an appropriate response.Voicing your pain is far better than reacting in a negative way that could end up doing damage to a business relationship that’s important to you.

The energy that goes into an overreaction is monumental. Most people are physically and emotionally exhausted after they’ve“let loose” on someone.

People who instantly react in an aggressive manner generally end up losing their authority and living in fear or with anger. It seems that they are always waiting for the other shoe to drop.What a hard way to go through life!

In order to decide how to respond (rather than react without thinking), you must first consider if the offending action was intentional, what harm was truly done,and if the offender is offering an apology. Whether you are in a new position or one you’ve had for many years will make a difference in how you feel and how you choose to respond.There are many pieces in play when hurt feelings are flying around the office.

Make no mistake: overreactions are always preceded by some type of emotional pain or perceived fear. Anger should actually be considered a secondary emotion. When you feel it, you need to check out where it’s really coming from. If you choose not to and just go into a reactionary rage, you may never get the chance to truly heal the pain.

Learning to catch yourself is the hardest part.When your blood gets boiling, it can be challenging to contain your feelings, but it’s worth the effort. If you’re having conflict with a team member or client,you will correct it by talking it out rather than just perpetuating it by claming up and holding a grudge.

If you feel yourself getting annoyed or angry at someone, before you “go off,”ask yourself if it’s really going to get you what you want. Just taking a moment to consider the results is enough to let you simmer down. Hopefully, you will take another path to resolving your pain.I’m not suggesting that you push down your feelings. Rather,instead of erupting, you need to express yourself in a different, more communicative way.

Sometimes it’s hard to find the words, and it’s okay to put your response on hold for a little while. Perhaps sleeping on it will help you see what it is you really need.

The idea here is to avoid reacting inappropriately when someone with whom (or for whom) you work or for does something that ruffles your feathers.Trust me; it will happen.

15

Repairing Broken Business Relationships

Do good to your friends to keep them,
to your enemies to win them.

—Benjamin Franklin

Longtime, trusted business relationships are some of the best things we have in the working world.To have someone you’ve been doing business with successfully for years and is willing to give you an honest opinion (or smack you upside the head) when you need it is a true gift.Here are some tools that will help you repair any damage that may have occurred between you and an old business associate.

• Having to be right or make the other person wrong is not going to work. People who want to work together learn to compromise and consider what’s best for each other.Make peace with letting go of your need to win; it’s easy when you realize that there’s no prize. It may only be stubborn pride that’s keeping you isolated from someone who may truly be a valuable ally. If an apology is required, give it or ask for it.How hard is that really? (And it doesn’t cost you a thing.) Having a no-fault policy is a great asset in many areas of life, and this is one of them.

• If other people are negatively influencing your business relationships, it is best to first consider the source. There may be competition issues or just personal bad blood. Sometimes individuals who are feeling emotional pain or hurt, project it on to other people. Make your own decisions and ask the deep questions both of yourself and your associates.

• Rebuilding a business relationship is an easy-does-it process. Don’t expect to have a conversation or two and then going back to your pervious level. Take some time to get reacquainted ; there really isn’t a formula for how long, but you should probably spend several weeks talking with your client or coworker to make sure you have a secure understanding of what you want from each other.

• People change,which may be the only thing you can count on.There is always the possibility that you and your associate have outgrown each other. If that is the case, you need to make peace with the situation and move on.There is also the chance the two of you have finally grown up enough to have a truly supportive and profitable business relationship.

• Make allowances for the past, for yourself as well as your associate. If forgiveness from your end is needed, remember that it is a gift you are giving to yourself. No one is perfect, and, in most cases, we hurt or offend people without knowing it. If that’s what happened, letting go of one incident and focusing on your years of successful interaction is a potent choice.

So if you have an old business associate who you’ve been estranged from,take the high road and pick up the phone or send an e-mail,and catch up. You may find that whatever differences pushed you apart will not be as strong as the bond of time that pulls you together. You may be just the person he or she needed to talk to about this new project he or she is working on.

16

Effective Business Communication

The art of communication is the language of leadership.

—James Humes

To understand how to effectively communicate in the workplace, you have to first understand some basic psychological truths about how we, as people, tend to verbally interact.

If we communicate to a person in the way she understands best, that communication will be accepted and the team member will respond faster and with more motivation. According to research done by Bandler and Grindler, the creators of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), there are three types of communicators. The first are the Visuals,those people who take in and process information through their eyes.They also prefer to think, or rather visualize with their mind’s eye.To be effective with them, you need to use key words such as look,see, picture, and so on. It is also valuable to give them printed or written materials to go along with what it is you are communicating. They prefer words that enable them to picture things.

The second type are Auditory communicators. These people use their hearing to develop understanding. They talk to themselves in words that their minds can listen to.They like words that help them hear things.When talking with them, use key words like hearing, listening,sound, etc.These people tend to process information quickly and are sometimes likely to respond before you have finished talking.

Kinesthetic, the third type, are feeling people. It doesn’t matter how things look or sound to them, it needs to feel right (not necessarily good). Still, others imagine things in terms of movement, feeling, and action.The famous scientist Einstein used this kinesthetic type of thinking when he formulated his famous theory of relativity.

Listen to how your team members communicate.They will use the key words for their type in normal conversation.After you have discovered how they communicate, speak with them in the same manner. It will greatly enhance your interactions.

To gain maximum interest, remember that people are most interested in anything that has to do with them.This isn’t egotistical—it’s natural.Once you understand this,you can tailor your communications so tha...