Fostering Children's Faith

A Privilege and a Responsibility

Hall

• Publisher: Resource Publications
• Year: 2012
• ISBN:
  9781630879143
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Religion

Fostering faith in children is a shared privilege and responsibility of parents, godparents, and the church community. We promise our children at baptism that we will support them in their faith formation--in the formation of their relationship with God. We need to take this promise seriously. This book is intended to be an accessible and helpful resource for parents and other adults who seek to foster children's faith.This book succinctly explores many ways we can support children's faith formation, including our day-to-day interactions with children, the images of God we share with them, how we pray together, the rituals we create, service opportunities we provide, music we share together, the stories we tell and listen to, our celebration of the sacraments, and more. While this book has a distinctly Roman Catholic orientation, much of the content will be relevant for a wider Christian audience.Lastly, but perhaps most importantly, this book is rooted in the conviction that the God we seek relationship with and that we hope to foster our children's relationship with is one who is infinitely loving, welcoming, and always yearning for deeper connection with us.

1

The Critical Role of Parents

Our dance with God begins the moment we are conceived. God is always with us, always seeking relationship with us, always loving us into being. It is God who leads us and invites us into the dance of life. God has planted a longing for God, for Love, in each of our hearts. Parents have the amazing privilege and responsibility of being “God’s love with skin on”1 for their children. The way parents love and relate to their children day in and day out is the single most powerful influence on their children’s faith formation—on the formation of their children’s relationship of love with God.2

Responding to Children’s Needs

Loving and nurturing children—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—requires ongoing self-giving on the part of parents. The vocation of parenting challenges parents to faithfully and lovingly respond to their children’s needs. Children’s needs are many. Children need parents who love them unconditionally and who consistently respond to them. They need parents who spend time with them and are truly present to them. They need to be listened to and their opinions valued. Children need parents who recognize and celebrate their unique talents and gifts. They need parents who keep their promises (at least most of the time; no one is perfect). They need parents who are committed to working out their differences in constructive rather than destructive ways—even if parents are in the throes of a painful separation or divorce.

Children need parents who are truthful. They need parents who are trustworthy and reliable. Children’s ability to trust their parents provides a strong foundation for the development of their ability to trust God.3 This is not to say that children who are raised by neglectful or abusive parents cannot learn to trust and love God. The grace of God and the wonder of human resiliency know no bounds.

Setting Limits and Expectations, and Using Positive Discipline

It is incredibly helpful for parents to have a good understanding of child development so that they can set appropriate expectations for their children. Please refer to appendix A for a list of books on child development.

Children need parents who provide consistent behavioral limits that balance freedom with protection. In early childhood and throughout adolescence, children need to be allowed to experience logical or natural consequences when they break family rules. Consequences need to be in line with the child’s developmental level and should always be implemented with compassion. Punishment should not be the focus; learning the consequences of one’s actions should be the focus. Over time children gradually internalize externally imposed limits regarding right and wrong behavior. This internalization of parental and societal behavioral expectations shapes the formation of a child’s conscience and evolving ability for moral decision making.4 Many wonderful books on parenting can assist in the development of positive discipline strategies that support the use of age appropriate behavioral limits as well as the use of logical and natural consequences. Several are listed in appendix A.

It is important for parents to make an effort to regularly notice and comment on children’s positive behaviors. The behaviors parents pay most attention to tend to grow. Unfortunately children sometimes receive more attention for their negative behaviors than their positive behaviors. When this happens, negative behaviors often flourish.

Supporting Emotional Regulation

Beginning in early childhood and continuing throughout adolescence, children need to be supported in developing emotional regulation. Emotional regulation refers to the ability to be able to name and identify emotions and to be able to respond to them appropriately. Young children often need to be guided in techniques to calm down and soothe themselves when distraught. It is important to reassure children that all feelings are part of being human. Feelings are never bad; it is only how we respond to our feelings that can be problematic. Children need support in developing ways to creatively manage intense feelings and to develop impulse control. The need to learn skills for managing one’s emotions is not limited to childhood; one only needs to encounter road rage on the freeway to realize that many adults are still struggling with regulating their emotions. Without an ability to manage one’s emotions effectively and control one’s impulses, it is difficult to avoid responding impulsively to one’s emotions, which may result in hurting oneself or others. Several resources to support children’s emotional regulation are listed in appendix A.

Supporting the Development of Empathy and the Ability to Share

Children are not born with empathy; rather they are born with the potential for empathy. If parents want their children to grow in compassion and develop a strong ethos of service, they need to begin supporting them in developing empathy when they are very young. Preschool age children are naturally self-focused. They need parents and other significant adults in their lives to point out the impact of their actions on others to help them begin to develop empathy. It is vital that parents and other significant adults in their lives model empathy and compassion for them. It is crucial for parents to acknowledge and describe moments when they witness their children’s empathy, kindness, and compassion. Again, what parents pay attention to tends to grow.

Children are not born with a natural inclination to share. The ability to share is an emergent ability in children—one that develops as their sense of self and agency emerge. True sharing is rooted in an authentic desire to give to another person from oneself; true sharing cannot be mandated. Parents can and will likely need to insist on turn taking. Parents can and should encourage sharing, but only the child can give freely from a heartfelt desire to give to another. Whenever a child does share, does give freely and generously, parents should acknowledge their action and label it as sharing.

Children will learn much about sharing by witnessing how the adults in their lives share. Parents have the opportunity and responsibility to model for children God’s call to share generously not only with family members but also with people who are in great need. Parents need to encourage children to join them in their practice of the virtue of generosity. It is important to remember that there are different ways to give generously—we can give of our time, talent, and/or wealth. It is wonderful to include children in the decision making or discernment process with regards to your particular family’s call to generously share with others.

Being a ‘Good Enough’ Parent

Children need parents who are “good enough.”5 Whenever parents fail their children (which is inevitable), parents have the opportunity to model humbly acknowledging their failings, asking for forgiveness, and seeking reconciliation. Similarly if parents need support from others for whatever reason, they have an opportunity to model how to graciously ask for and receive help. Every moment we spend with children is a teachable moment. Humor can be an invaluable asset for parents and their children when the teachable moments are fraught with tension.

Parenting is such a momentous task—perhaps the most important undertaking of a parent’s life. Fortunately children do not need perfect parents. Children need parents who are committed to doing their best and loving them extravagantly.

While the faith formation of children is profoundly influenced by how we parent our children in our day-to-day, moment-to-moment interactions with them, intentionally integrating spiritual practices, rituals, service, Bible stories, and symbols into family life will serve to root your children in the wisdom, truth, and beauty of the Catholic faith tradition. The remainder of this book will offer suggestions for fostering Catholic faith formation.

1. May et al., Children Matter, 153.

2. Ibid.

3. Ibid., 154.

4. Lieberman, Emotional Life of the Toddler, 173.

5. McGrath, Raising Faith-Filled Kids, 39.

2

Images of God

Studies indicate that children can begin to form an image of God between the ages of eighteen months and three years.1 Children construct their image of God from their experience—from what they hear, touch, feel, taste, and see. It is helpful to bear in mind that “children learn what they live. They absorb knowledge of the world by what they experience and observe . . . they learn more from what adults do than from what adults say.”2 This is reminiscent of the wise advice attributed to St. Francis of Assisi: “Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.”

Due to their active imaginations and m...