- 178 pages
- English
- ePUB (mobile friendly)
- Available on iOS & Android
eBook - ePub
About this book
Limericks are, like the Bible, often funny and sometimes obscene. They shock us. They surprise us. They're not usually considered fitting for polite conversation. But perhaps the Bible has been tamed, has been polished of its rough edges. So let's take the Bible out of polite conversation and let it shock and surprise us again.
Frequently asked questions
Yes, you can cancel anytime from the Subscription tab in your account settings on the Perlego website. Your subscription will stay active until the end of your current billing period. Learn how to cancel your subscription.
At the moment all of our mobile-responsive ePub books are available to download via the app. Most of our PDFs are also available to download and we're working on making the final remaining ones downloadable now. Learn more here.
Perlego offers two plans: Essential and Complete
- Essential is ideal for learners and professionals who enjoy exploring a wide range of subjects. Access the Essential Library with 800,000+ trusted titles and best-sellers across business, personal growth, and the humanities. Includes unlimited reading time and Standard Read Aloud voice.
- Complete: Perfect for advanced learners and researchers needing full, unrestricted access. Unlock 1.4M+ books across hundreds of subjects, including academic and specialized titles. The Complete Plan also includes advanced features like Premium Read Aloud and Research Assistant.
We are an online textbook subscription service, where you can get access to an entire online library for less than the price of a single book per month. With over 1 million books across 1000+ topics, we’ve got you covered! Learn more here.
Look out for the read-aloud symbol on your next book to see if you can listen to it. The read-aloud tool reads text aloud for you, highlighting the text as it is being read. You can pause it, speed it up and slow it down. Learn more here.
Yes! You can use the Perlego app on both iOS or Android devices to read anytime, anywhere — even offline. Perfect for commutes or when you’re on the go.
Please note we cannot support devices running on iOS 13 and Android 7 or earlier. Learn more about using the app.
Please note we cannot support devices running on iOS 13 and Android 7 or earlier. Learn more about using the app.
Yes, you can access There Once Was a Prophet from Judah by Jeff Carter in PDF and/or ePUB format, as well as other popular books in Literatur & Religiöse Poesie. We have over one million books available in our catalogue for you to explore.
Information
Genesis
Let There Be Light
You may think it exceedingly odd
that in the very beginning God,
starting out on day one,
made light before the sun.
Something about this story is flawed.
Genesis 1:3–19
The Serpent Was Blessed
Quiet your vexed vocalization.
The serpent was no aberration.
The good Lord called it forth
gave it value and worth,
a subtle part of God’s creation.
Genesis 1:24–25
Genesis Dilemma
After procreating with my wife,
there are still some commands for this life:
I have to figure out
what it means to rule trout,
owls, and cows. I can’t handle this strife!
Genesis 1:28
He Was Really Lonely in that Garden
Adam had to face reality:
while the animals had parity,
he was left all alone
with no one he could bone
unless he tried bestiality.
Genesis 2:18–20
Ohhhh get over it. Limericks are supposed to be rude.
Besides, that’s nothing compared to what Rabbi Eleazar said about Adam alone in the garden before the creation of Eve. Rabbi Eleazar, a Talmudic sage, interpreted the Genesis story this way: “This teaches us that Adam had intercourse with all the animals and all the beasts, but he was satisfied only when he had intercourse with Eve.”1
Flesh for My Bone
The first man, Adam, lived all alone
with no one he could count as his own.
The animals could mate
in their natural state,
but for the first man there was none.
So Yahweh became the first surgeon
to make for the man one of his own.
With a wound in his side
Adam said with great pride,
“This one at last is flesh for my bone.”
Genesis 2:18–23
Well that’s a Different Kind of Boner
Was it a rib from the man’s s...
Table of contents
- Title Page
- Foreword
- Genesis
- Exodus
- Leviticus
- Numbers
- Deuteronomy
- Joshua
- Judges
- Ruth
- First and Second Samuel
- First and Second Kings
- First and Second Chronicles
- Ezra
- Nehemiah
- Tobit
- Judith
- Esther
- First and Second Maccabees
- Job
- Psalms
- Proverbs
- Ecclesiastes
- The Song of Songs
- The Book of Wisdom
- Sirach
- Isaiah
- Jeremiah
- Lamentations
- Baruch
- Ezekiel
- Daniel
- Hosea
- Joel
- Amos
- Obadiah
- Jonah
- Micah
- Nahum
- Habakkuk
- Zephaniah
- Haggai
- Zechariah
- Malachi
- Matthew
- Mark
- Luke
- John
- Acts
- Romans
- First and Second Corinthians
- Galatians
- Ephesians
- Philippians
- Colossians
- First and Second Thessalonians
- First and Second Timothy
- Titus
- Philemon
- Hebrews
- James
- First and Second Peter
- First, Second and Third John
- Jude
- Revelation
- Not So Biblical Limericks
- Bibliography