The Mentoring Manual

Your step by step guide to being a better mentor

Julie Starr

• Publisher: Pearson
• Year: 2014
• ISBN:
  9781292017921
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Personal Success

As a mentor you must be many things: role model, expert, advocate, cheerleader, enforcer and friend. Plus you must make a positive, lasting difference to the knowledge, skills and prospects of your mentee.

So, being a mentor is a big responsibility. But with The Mentoring Manual, getting it right is easy.

Based on methods developed - and proven – in business, this highly practical book will show you how mentoring works, take you step-by-step through everything you need to know and do, and show you how both parties can get the best from the relationship.

· Understand what mentoring really is and how to do it well

· Feel fully confident in your ability to be a great mentor

· Develop key skills like listening, collaboration and coaching

· Help your mentee feel more knowledgeable, confident and valued

· Pass on your skills, experience and expertise to colleagues and contacts

Get the most from mentoring: help your mentee, develop your skills and make a positive difference

“A breath of fresh air compared with many books on coaching and mentoring. The process of mentoring and the potential pitfalls are presentedin a clear and challenging way.”

David Megginson, Emeritus Professor of HRD, Sheffield Hallam University

“A clear, pragmatic and accessible guide for mentors.”

Professor David Clutterbuck, author, speaker, and co-founder of the European Mentoring and Coaching Council

Chapter 1

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What is mentoring?
And what is it not?

I worked with Laurence Olivier some years ago.
He was a great mentor.

Anthony Hopkins, actor

In this chapter:

• Gain a clearer sense of what a mentor is.
• Learn how mentoring is distinct from any other support relationship.
• Consider examples of mentors from stories and real life to support your understanding of the role.
• Discover the typical benefits of mentoring, both for individuals and for organisations.
• Understand when mentoring might not be the best option for a situation.

What is a mentor?

A mentor is someone who takes on the role of a trusted adviser, supporter, teacher and wise counsel to another person. A mentor adopts a primarily selfless role in supporting the learning, development and ultimate success of another person. By ‘primarily selfless’ I mean that while as a mentor you will often benefit in some way from the relationship, these benefits are usually indirect and not your main motivation for mentoring someone. You might easily enjoy your mentoring sessions and gain skills, awareness and insight from doing that. However, mentoring is most effective when focused clearly on the needs, goals and challenges of the person you are mentoring – often referred to as the ‘mentee’.

As old as Homer’s Odyssey

Mentoring can often be defined by the nature and intention of a relationship. The term ‘mentor’ has its roots in Greek mythology and indicates a relationship of support, help and guidance given from a wise elder to a younger, less experienced person. This idea of ‘passing down wisdom’ has been embedded in cultures for thousands of years and can be seen in relationships both inside and outside the workplace. The consistent features of mentor relationships distinguish an archetype for the role. By archetype, I mean typical models or examples of the role which can inform our understanding. While situations and appearances may vary, the essential qualities remain. Consider the fictional teacher Miss Jean Brodie offering wise counsel to her school girls, or The X Factor judges mentoring their performers – can you see common features in those relationships? From community mentors working with youth, to business mentoring, young offender programmes or apprenticeships in skilled trades, the ancient archetype of a mentor is brought to life all around us.

Indeed, the mentor archetype is so constantly present in our lives that its powerful principles can remain unseen. For example, the principle that by forming an open, trusting relationship with someone, we create a channel through which support, help and learning can happen is something we have all experienced. Think back: did you sometimes listen to the advice of your grandparents more readily than that of your parents? Or was there someone else you might say that about? Most of us can recall someone we might now recognise was a mentor for us in the past.

Reflection Questions

Spot your own mentors

Use the following Reflection Questions to identify relationships you had/have that might have been mentoring.

Q. Thinking about your childhood and growing up, who had a positive influence on how you see the world?

Q. In your youth, was there a particular teacher, relation or friend who you would credit with having taught you lessons in life you are grateful for?

Q. During your career, who has had a positive influence on how you operate professionally?

Q. Who would you generally credit as being your mentors in life?

Q. What relationships do you have right now that appear to fit the criteria of mentorship, e.g. someone you respect, someone you learn from, a relationship that feels ‘personal’ in a positive way?

Why might you want to be a mentor?

There are countless benefits available in becoming a mentor, many unforeseen and unexpected. From my experience, mentoring people can be challenging, fulfilling, gratifying, annoying, frustrating, impossible and fun – all in the same relationship! Reasons that you might consider mentoring others include:

• to affirm or confirm the value of your experience by exploring and sharing that with someone else, e.g. ‘Here’s what I’ve learned’
• to further clarify what you know, by distilling and simplifying your experience and learning, e.g. ‘Here’s what leadership/selling/success is really about’
• to help another person grow and succeed, and gain a sense of satisfaction from doing that
• to be challenged in a positive way. For example, to adapt your ideas or views to someone else’s situations, or to develop greater empathy
• to have a sense of ‘giving something back’, perhaps by sharing experience gained over your career so far
• to increase your focus on developing others, as a useful addition to your managing skills. For example, as a mentor you have no line management responsibility for the person you are mentoring, therefore you tend to focus more on the person and less on their specific tasks.

Why might someone want a mentor?

Reasons for seeking a mentor are both personal and professional. An individual may want a mentor for one or more of these reasons:

• They feel they lack experience, contacts or awareness in a specific area or situation, e.g. ‘I need to understand business start-ups, or how my organisation works, or to raise my profile in the business’.
• They feel something is ‘missing’ from what they know, what they do or how they think, and they want to learn from someone they feel can help them ‘bridge a gap’.
• They want to mature and develop themselves generally, e.g. to be able to operate in a pressurised work environment or stay balanced and self-confident.
• They have reached some kind of barrier or ‘roadblock’ and feel they need a more individualised relationship with someone who has direct experience in their type of situation.
• They feel they would benefit from an open, trusting relationship with someone they can ‘look up to’ or at least respect for what they have experienced and learned during their career.

How did the idea of the mentor evolve?

The original ‘Mentor’ appeared in Homer’s book The Odyssey, as an old and trusted friend of Odysseus. As he left to go to war, Odysseus entrusted Mentor with the care of his son, Telemachus. Later, the goddess Athena took on the appearance of Mentor and used the disguise to give advice and practical guidance to both Odysseus and his son. Athena knew that because they had such trust and respect for Mentor, they would follow her advice more easily. Since then the idea of a mentoring role has appeared in many stories and fables, including those portrayed in novels, the theatre and film. Traditionally, the mentor archetype includes attributes of tutorship, learning and sometimes even magic or transformation.

When we attempt to define the mentor role only by behaviour, we can get confused by potential contradictions. For example, if a mentor is supposed to give advice, does that mean they do not help another person to think for themselves, perhaps by asking ‘What are your options here?’ or ‘What do you want to do?’ Or, if a mentor is supposed to provide assistance, how much help is too much help?

It’s useful to explore the concept of a mentor by returning to the original archetype: the source of the concept can give you a stronger sense of what the role might mean for you. When your understanding is guided by the original concept, such as ‘a mentor shares wisdom to foster learning and progress’, then ‘how’ you express that becomes a question of personal choice. It might include giving clear advice, or it may be expressed by telling stories or even jokes. In Chapter 3, we will examine further principles from the original mentor archetype to show how they can help guide our choices in situations.

Reflection Questions

Where are you already a mentor?

Use the following Reflection Questions to identify current relationships where you might be already expressing the characteristics of a mentor.

Q. Outside of your immediate family, e.g. your partner, children, etc., what relationships are you aware of where someone values your views and opinions and can often be influenced by those?

Q. How much does this person appear to respect you, or even look up to you?

Q. Think about how you relate to them, e.g. how much affinity or benevolence (generosity) do you feel towards them?

Where your answers to the second two questions confirm the presence of respect and benevolence, it’s likely you are expressing mentoring principles in the relationship. However, if your responses to the second two questions are in disagreement, then the relationship is less likely to be a mentoring type of relationship.

Translating fable to fact

Even though ...