301 Smart Answers to Tough Business Etiquette Questions

Vicky Oliver

• Publisher: Skyhorse
• Year: 2010
• ISBN:
  9781628731699
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Business Etiquette
• Index: Business

As times change, so do norms of behavior in the office. 301 Smart Answers to Tough Business Etiquette Questions has the answers you need to survive daily life in the professional environment. Following the same popular Q&A format of her bestselling 301 Smart Answers to Tough Interview Questions, Oliver will tell you how to get the job and how to keep it by navigating all the intricacies of the modern workplace. Where other etiquette guides evoke images of a stilted and stuffy Victorian tea party, Oliver's witty answers to common questions are both engaging and accessible. She believes that etiquette is not a throwback to some bygone age, but has a direct and tangible impact on your career right here and now. Off come the white gloves as she tears away the corporate veil to reveal things they still don't teach at Harvard Business School, such as:

• Making a good first impression (and how to fix a bad one!)
• How to behave in elevators, airplanes, and supply closets
• Surviving cabs, commutes, and coffee shops
• Why time is not necessarily money everywhere on the planet
• Pre-approved conversational topics from A to Z
• Dining rules and regulations for the twenty-first century
• What to do when you are suddenly unemployed
• Electronic communication
• And much more!

301 Smart Answers to Tough Business Etiquette Questions will ensure that you know how to conduct yourself in every conceivable professional interaction.

I

Meetings

Life at the workplace may not feel like an exam until the week when performance reviews are handed out or the specter of an ax suddenly appears. Yet the fact remains, we are being tested on a daily basis on something that we never studied and never realized was important: business etiquette. These tests happen in all sorts of strange rooms too, such as elevators, office kitchens, and cubicles, not to mention boardrooms and client conference rooms. Part I examines how to ace those tests so that when the final exam rolls around we will be spectacularly well prepared.

CHAPTER 1

Random Meetings: Proper Etiquette in Confined Spaces

City living can be crowded, congested, and contentious. Shoehorned into high-rise buildings that house our apartments, offices, and gyms, we are all on top of each other 24/7. Sometimes, just walking from place to place can feel like a negotiation for precious air space.

When a neighbor renovates an apartment, we count the days until the construction crew leaves our building. When a cube mate breaks up with a loved one, we cry right along with her. When a boss loses his temper, we can’t help overhearing his tirade through tissue-thin walls. In these close quarters, boundaries stretch to the breaking point.

We may wish to remain cheerful, but sometimes we may also need to carve out some emotional distance to substitute for the lack of physical space. This chapter examines how to achieve the correct balance.

You’ll learn the rules that apply—from dealing with doorways in matchbook buildings to proper protocol in constricted elevators to negotiating the bump and grind of a 737 airplane.

Just because quarters are cramped doesn’t mean that your etiquette style need be. And if you can be civilized in these space-challenged circumstances, you will have achieved true serenity and poise.

1. Elevators

You step into the elevator this morning and, if you’re incredibly lucky, you will have it all to yourself. Today, just maybe, the elevator will feel more like your private transporter. It’s not that you’re hermetic. You’re as much of a “people person” as the next human being—once that first cup of java kicks in. But until it does, you’d prefer to crawl back into the womb and just stay there for a spell. In your view, space really is the final frontier. How are you supposed to cope when you have to share it with so many others?

1

When the elevator door opens, it reveals your direct supervisor inside—just back from vacation. Eager to find out what he missed, he asks how your latest project is faring. It’s withering on the vine. Do you tell him?

A. No. There could be spies from a competitive company lurking in the elevator.

Think of yourself as an ambassador of your company, entrusted with its deepest, darkest corporate secrets, and you will always know exactly what not to reveal. Beware of sharing top-secret information about a client project with anyone. The world’s most confidential information travels like a virus—often through random strangers in elevators. Let your supervisor know in a nice way that you’ll circle back to him once he’s had a chance to settle in. “Oh, I want to talk to you about that,” you can say in a chipper voice that won’t broadcast your news to any strangers in your midst.

2

After several late nights burning out the fluorescent bulbs, you roll into the office bleary-eyed. As fate would have it, you bump into your perkiest colleague in the elevator. Do you fight through your exhaustion and try to engage him in conversation—or not?

A. Two or three words are plenty.

If your colleague is already inside the cabin, a quick nod of your head in his direction and a sunny “Good morning” strike just the right balance between friendliness and indifference. The elevator is not the place to enter into any heavy-duty conversations. If your boss walks in, say, “Good morning, Satan,” (or whatever his proper name is) and be sure to wave him off with a cheery, “Catch you later,” or, “Until the staff meeting,” if he disembarks first.

Are you trapped inside with the Wicked Wag of the Watercooler? Disarm her. A bland, “It’s so nice to bump into you like this,” may distract her just long enough for you to reach your destination without engaging in her favorite pastime. “Elevator talk” is misnamed. It’s not about talking at all; it’s really all about the tone. Always aim for cordial.

3

If someone in an office elevator cracks a lame joke, do you have to laugh?

A. Yes, but it only has to be a mild chuckle, not a belly laugh.

Venture onto a particularly slow elevator with every stop pushed, and no doubt some would-be comedian will start referring to it as “the local.” To this hackneyed attempt at humor, a mild chuckle is appropriate. Not everyone can be a Conan O’Brien or Ellen DeGeneres who, let’s be honest, probably didn’t start their celebrated careers by working at your company.

In crowded quarters, the less space per person, the more generous one must be with laughter. Carry this rule with you to all cubicles and gym showers.

Twelve Tacky Things to Never Ever Do in an Elevator (Even if You’re 100 Percent Certain That No One Is Watching)

1. Fix your lipstick. You’ll end up looking like Joan Rivers.
2. Fiddle with your belt, fly, or jock strap. The elevator may feel like a closet, but by the time you enter, you should be already dressed.
3. Make a call. Yes, your life is busy. Yes, we are undeniably impressed that you can’t wait even ten seconds before emerging from the elevator to make that critical phone call. We are like ants on the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that is your life, so enthralled are we with its fascinating details. Still, please remember that for us, there is no escape until the doors open. Wait until you disembark to pull out your cell.
4. Check out your reflection in the mirrored doors. You don’t want to act like a lyric straight out of “You’re So Vain.”
5. Comb your hair. The rest of us won’t appreciate having your hair castaways on our pinstriped suits, even if you’re having a superlative hair day.
6. Burp. If Nature must have her way, bring your hand up to your mouth and say, “Excuse me!” (It also helps to look embarrassed.)
7. Rifle through your briefcase. Everyone will assume that you’re neurotic (and not in an adorable, isn’t-that-sweet, Woody Allen way). Embarrassing items could even pop out. Oh, the horror.
8. Grope a friend. You feel like no one’s watching… so why not steal a kiss or a quick fondle? But even when “no one’s watching,” the building security guard is watching. Why expose him to an X-rated movie he never paid to see?
9. Wear earbuds or headphones. They muffle your ability to react properly or with propriety to those around you. The cornerstone of etiquette is consideration, and it’s impossible to be considerate when you’re in your own bubble singing aloud to the Beach Boys but sounding like an off-key Beastie Boy.
10. Text. If you’re always wired, you’ll miss out on many of life’s most important interactions.
11. Don’t stare ... at someone’s breasts, no matter how surgically enhanced they may be. Chances are, you’re simply regarding such objects with the dispassionate scientific curiosity they merit, but it’s far more polite to avert your eyes.
12. Tap your foot and glower at the floor numbers impatiently. We all have better places to be, Darling. Rise above.

Who Knew?

Ladies no longer walk first. For better or worse, women of the world have finally reached gender parity. Today, it’s first person at the elevator door, first person out of the elevator—or every “man” for himself. However, if the person is elderly, always let him or her walk in front of you.

2. The Cube Farm

Welcome to The Cube Farm: that intricate rats’ maze of cubicle half-walls which define the open space set aside for the office-challenged. In these parts, it’s almost impossible to imagine there are any boundaries. Everywhere you look, workers are prairie-dogging, that is, standing up or hanging over a low-hung wall to chat with the person one cube over. You even hear a couple of workers carrying on a conversation between the cube walls—without bothering to pop up from their chairs. It’s not as if the dog-eared walls muzzle sound. When having a door marks the line between the office “haves” and “have-nots” (and you don’t happen to have one), how do you keep a cordial but respectful distance from your neighbors?

4

People barge into your space without knocking or making their presence known. In a world without walls, is there any protocol?

A. Precious little, but there are subtle ways to fight against the culture of interruption.

Position your computer so that while working on it, you also face the doorway. This will prevent unannounced intruders from frightening you as they charge into your space, causing you to leap six feet out of your chair. You really don’t want to keep banging your head against the wall, even if it’s only made of felt.

Want to discourage surprise visits? When someone pops in unannounced, keep your hands on your computer keyboard and start typing furiously. “I’d love to chat,” you might say to the interloper, “but unfortunately, my report is due in an hour.”

5

In cube land, are you always “on call?”

A. Yes—unfortunately.

It would be so con...