Look, Speak, & Behave for Men

Expert Advice on Image, Etiquette, and Effective Communication for the Professional

Jamie L. Yasko-mangum

• Publisher: Skyhorse
• Year: 2007
• ISBN:
  9781626369030
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Business Etiquette
• Index: Business

For years, highly paid executives at major corporations have had the benefit of professional image consultants to give them feedback about their presentation in the workplace. That expert advice has helped them to dress properly for any business occasion, improve their public speaking and presentation skills, understand the dos and don'ts of the workplace, and enhance their standing in the business community. Now that same type of guidance is available to anyone—recent graduates looking to enter the workplace as well as managers and executives looking to polish themselves and their skills. Jamie L. Yasko-Mangum's clients include Estée Lauder, the American Management Association, Pfizer, Darden Restaurants, high schools, colleges, and universities. They hire her to give seminars to employees and students on how to project a positive and smart self-image, create a polished appearance, understand what is and is not proper behavior, and see how to communicate intelligently. Men and women will find ideas for improving their credibility, authority, reputation, and confidence in a workplace environment, regardless of their profession or position.

CHAPTER ONE

What Does Your Mirror Say?

Gentlemen, when you look at yourselves in the mirror, what do you see? Do you value who you are and, more importantly, where you are in your professional life? Many men have hectic schedules and don’t take the time to evaluate who they really are. A mirror reflects both how you feel inside and how you look outside. A man’s image is not just about his inner or outer self, but rather a combination of both working together.

In the business world, no matter your age, profession, or position, your individual image reflects who you are, first to yourself, then to your employees or employers, colleagues, clients, and potential clients. Your image must reflect self-worth. Self-worth does not mean how much money you make in your job, but how much you care about yourself. Self-worth is critically important! When you positively reflect self-worth, you increase your opportunity for professional success. Without self-worth, you can feel complacent, timid, egotistical, paranoid, jealous, and spiteful, which can lead to distrust and disappointment in the workplace, carelessness, unreliability, and, potentially, disaster.

Your journey to self-worth and professional success begins here. Throughout this book, I’ll refer to generation (age), profession, and position. These three dynamics identify where you are in your life. It’s crucial for all men to understand these self-identifiers so that they can build their professional success on their true selves.

AGE GROUP/GENERATION

Today’s workforce is made up of four diverse generations. Within those generations, there are many different personalities. In When Generations Collide, Linda C. Lancaster and David Stillman define the generations according to birth years as follows:

• WWII (1900-1945)
• Baby Boomer (1946-1964)
• Generation X (1965-1980)
• Generation Y or Millennial (1981-1999)

The two largest generations are the Baby Boomers (eighty million members) and Generation Y or Millennial (seventy-six million members). Many researchers, including Lancaster and Stillman, offer their own labels for each generation; however, I do not think you can completely label everyone within the same generation. While you may be a WWII, Baby Boomer, Generation X, or Generation Y man, you may also share some attributes with men of other generations, along with your own thoughts, attitudes, decorum, and beliefs.

Problems in the workplace often arise when generations have conflicts about issues such as dress attire, organizational development, dedication, judgments, behavior, open mindedness, etc. A helpful way to avoid these conflicts is to understand the general attributes of each generation. Let’s look at a few.

• WWII professional men are either enjoying retirement, or changing career paths to pursue occupations or hobbies that they love. They are disciplined, hard-nosed, loyal, dedicated, and hard workers.
• Baby Boomer professional men are in executive and managerial level positions, or in the midst of changing careers. These men exemplify dedication, strong work habits, optimism, and loyalty.
• Generation X professional men can be found in a wide variety of professional positions, from managers to entrepreneurs. They are independent, confident, open-minded, optimistic, family-oriented, and modern.
• Generation Y or Millennial professional men are just graduating from college and beginning to pursue their careers. They are entrepreneurial, freespirited, independent, dedicated to their specializations, and technologically savvy.

As you can see, while there are some similarities among the generations, there are also clear differences. Each generation can learn from the others, sharing ideas, inspiration, solutions, experience, and wisdom. Judgment, elitism, disrespect, arrogance, rudeness, and pretentiousness have no place in the workplace.

WHERE ARE YOU IN YOUR PROFESSION?

Do you know where you are in your profession? You may be facing a career choice, advancing, setting off on an entrepreneurial venture, or reentering the workplace after time away. To help you understand where you are and where you want to go, you should conduct a professional self-inventory. Below are some questions to ask yourself; you may want to write your answers on a separate piece of paper.

Professional Self-Inventory

• Are you a college student embarking on your first professional job?
• Are you ready to make the transition back to the workforce after staying home with your children?
• Are you unsettled with your current field of work?
• Do you “job hop”?
• Are you in a supervisory position, but unable to unite the team?
• Are you often reprimanded?
• Are you starting your own small business?
• Do you lack respect from your employees despite your executive position?
• Do you feel taken for granted?
• Are you changing careers?
• Do you feel your age is a hindrance?
• Do you feel a lack of respect at work?
• Are you unproductive, lazy, or not driven?
• Are you overlooked?

Is your answer to any of these questions “yes”? Ask yourself why you feel this way and how you can improve yourself. I recommend setting goals for improvement. A goal is achievementoriented and requires you to exert more effort than you normally might. Goals are not meant to remain sedentary on a piece of paper; they are meant to be focused on and accomplished. Focusing on a goal means visualizing the plan you are going to use to achieve it and putting that plan into action.

Visualization is one tool you can use to attain a goal. Think of ways to attain your goal that, while realistic, make you reach beyond your current situation. When you find an approach that could be productive, run it through your mind step by step and imagine yourself reaching your goal. Replaying this plan in your mind will give you the willpower to put it into action and achieve it.

You should always have an outline of both short-term and long-term goals. Short-term goals lead to long-term accomplishments. This can be a difficult process at times, but discipline and perseverance will help you reach your goals and enhance your level of professional success.

WHAT IS YOUR POSITION?

It’s nice for me to observe that elitism is decreasing in the workplace. I have witnessed great gains in various organizations when the entire workforce worked together regardless of title or level of employment. When I first began my professional life, elitism was rampant. At least two of my managers or bosses boldfaced or capitalized their titles on paper to ensure that everybody was aware of their positions. Not a good way to manage. Leaders need to unite, not separate. I will talk more about leaders later in this chapter.

If you are in a support, clerical, industrial, administrative, managerial, or executive-level position, it is important to understand that you are a team player first. A team player pitches in and does not boast, lack motivation, say “It’s not my job,” or take full credit for things others have done. A team player synergizes with others by valuing differences, having an open mind, finding new ways to do things, showing initiative, pitching in even though it is not his job, encouraging, and sharing credit.

If you are in a leadership position or if your goal is to become a leader, you not only need to be a team player, but you must also be selfmotivated, confident, inspirational, excellent at communicating, mature, and achievementoriented. You must be an active listener, a group motivator, and a hard worker who shares credit.

Your attitude at work sends vibes through the organization, and they should be positive. You should be a talent within your organization, helping it to run smoothly. When you do not care about your position and show laziness, entitlement, a sloppy appearance, lack of appreciation for staff, or unreliability, you erode your career and possibly your organization. You may think that you do not show these symptoms, but to be sure, ask a trusted colleague or a sincere family member. At work, you need to be productive and challenged. If you are not, it is time to reevaluate your position and determine where you want to be.

You know and understand the three factors that make up your identity: generation, profession, and position. Now you need to recognize, acknowledge, and apply those factors to the four self-image traits so that you feel in control and on the path to becoming a professional success. I will define terms, outline processes, and give examples that you can realistically follow. It is up to you to care enough about yourself to create confidence and become a success; it takes personal responsibility. Again, the four self-image elements are:

One	Positive Self-Esteem
Two	A Polished Appearance
Three	Speaking Intelligently
Four	Behaving with Pride

You will need to connect these self-image elements with your age, profession, and position. The way you care about yourself reflects the way you care about other aspects of your life. If you feel bad, look sloppy, speak crudely, or act rudely, you will doom your chance for professional success. Don’t let that happen to you—possess self-worth!

ELEMENT ONE

Positive Self-Esteem

CHAPTER TWO

Positive Self-Esteem

What is self-esteem? Today, every psychologist, psychiatrist, or family therapist has a label for it or a theory about it. I believe excellent self-esteem involves:

• Believing in yourself
• Being honest
• Being responsible
• Aspiring to greater things
• Inspiring
• Accepting differences
• Respecting yourself and others
• Validating others

You must possess positive self-esteem in every aspect of your life; it is the foundation of your identity. See Box 1.

Box 1 Professional and Personal Balance

Men often put their careers before their personal lives. They may skip vacations, forgo their interests and hobbies, put off getting married and having children, or lose touch with family. Their careers come first.

Having a strong career drive is obviously key to professional success, but it can be toxic if not handled with care. It can unravel your accomplishments and leave you lonely. You must appreciate the importance of your personal life, because without it, there is no value to your professional life.

You need family and friends who love you unconditionally, support you, and inspire you, and you should do the same for them. This two-way support will increase your self-esteem and benefit everyone around you.

You also need time for self-renewal. Find a favorite location or activity that relaxes you and “recharges your batteries.” Take time to be alone. This time can be hard to schedule, but even five minutes can make a difference.

Balancing your personal and professional lives can be challenging, but when you acknowledge the value of both, you will be happier and more successful.

Are you ready to look at your self-esteem?...