You Deserve to be Heard

101 Tips to Boost Your Public Speaking Confidence

Kerry Pienaar

• Editorial: Complete Communication Coach
• Año: 2022
• ISBN:
  9780645342727
• Edición: 1
• Categoría: Crescita personale
• Categoría: Comunicazione e public speaking

You Deserve to be Heard celebrates inspirational stories from people who have faced their fears, transformed their thinking and behaviour, and experienced profound and dramatic impacts on their professional and personal lives.Inside you'll find 101 easy-to-apply tips. Kerry shows you how to: •acknowledge and manage your fears of public speaking•speak with confidence and clarity, both face-to-face and online•prepare for and impress audiences, whether at job interviews, presentations, meetings, networking, or social events.

Part I

Understanding your fear

1

YOU CAN OVERCOME FEAR AND SELF-DOUBT

Every day I work with clients who describe the trepidation and anxiety they feel each time they need to speak in public. And we’re not talking about standing alone on a stage with a microphone in front of a thousand people. We’re talking about common, everyday situations – like contributing an idea during a meeting, giving a work presentation, talking to a small panel in a job interview, giving a speech at a wedding or even chatting with new people at a networking or social get-together.

You are not alone

If you’ve picked up this book, chances are you’re feeling that same fear. And it’s not surprising. The National Social Anxiety Centre in the United States reported in a blog in 2017 that:

The fear of public speaking is the most common phobia ahead of death, spiders, or heights. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that public speaking anxiety … affects about 73% of the population. The underlying fear is judgment or negative evaluation of others. (Montopoli 2017)

You’re not the only one who fears public speaking. It’s so common in our society that it has a name: glossophobia.

The trouble is, if you fear public speaking, you probably avoid it as much as possible. And avoiding the thing you fear can lead to problems.

The first problem is that avoiding something because you fear it actually feeds the fear. It puts fear in control and allows it to grow and to cement as a habit.

The second and most significant problem is that by avoiding speaking up, you’ll never be heard.

And you deserve to be heard.

You deserve the opportunity to progress in your career, in your interests and in life. You deserve the opportunity to put your ideas forward with confidence and clarity. To make your unique contribution. To state your feelings or your point of view with confidence, and to listen and react to others’ points of view.

When you stop to think about it, your fear of speaking in public is really just a bad habit. And like all bad habits, it can be broken. We can break it together.

But first, we need to look at why we torture ourselves with the fear of public speaking so we can better understand it. To do this, we’ll break it down and tackle it simply and safely.

It’s time to regain your power and find your voice.

Why you suffer from self-criticism and self-doubt

While some of us experience mild anxiety when we need to speak in public, others find it so debilitating they avoid it at all costs. Whether your fear is mild or strong, it’s holding you back, so it’s worth exploring where it’s coming from.

Clients tell me that when they imagine themselves speaking in public, they fear:

♦ embarrassing or humiliating themselves

♦ not knowing how to handle unknown or unforeseen circumstances

♦ their audience not being interested in what they have to say

♦ their audience being critical because they’ve heard it all before

♦ not being good enough for people to want to hear what they have to say (imposter syndrome)

♦ failing completely in front of others.

Can you remember a time when you communicated and received negative feedback? Perhaps you were ignored or misunderstood, or maybe the way you spoke was criticised. You may now think you have nothing unique or worthwhile to share. The experience likely led to you questioning your value or credibility. It’s also probable you still feel terrified at the prospect of speaking in front of others. You may be sitting on a particular memory of a time where you felt you failed, and perhaps you’ve held on to this moment all your life as an excuse to avoid being heard.

In her book Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert (2016), the bestselling author of Eat Pray Love, examines how we often let fear control us because we’re ‘afraid of being rejected or criticised or ridiculed or misunderstood or worst of all ignored’. She explains that fear needs to be acknowledged; it plays an important part in our survival and our ‘fight or flight’ response. But we need to take control of fear, so it doesn’t hold us back from being creative, innovative, doing the things we love and expressing what matters to us.

Facing your fear

Have you ever wondered what’s happening to your body when you experience intense fear or nerves? You may recognise some of the common symptoms: your heart beating faster, sweating, shaking, feeling faint or nauseous.

It may surprise you to know that being a bit nervous is a positive thing. It causes an increased adrenaline flow, and extra blood and oxygen rushes to the muscles and brain. The positive part is it assists you in presenting with more energy and presence. When your nerves escalate to fear, and you allow it to take control, when you waste your energy imagining all the terrible things that could happen, you risk losing focus and the ability to think clearly about what you want to say. This is why many people report having a mental blank or their brain freezing up on them. When you fear your brain freezing, your anxiety increases and makes it more likely that your brain really will freeze! You’re channelling your energy in the wrong way by letting fear take a front seat, by letting it take the reins instead of acknowledging it and taking back control. Elizabeth Gilbert encourages you to ‘have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you …’ If you’re able to share your thoughts with courage, confidence and clarity, others are more likely to hear you.

CLIENT STORY: She faced her fears

A couple of years ago, I facilitated a leadership workshop with a group of young women. As I began, I asked them to describe how they feel when they speak in public. One participant stood out – she explained it made her feel sick and like fainting. By the look on her face, I could tell that was how she felt at that very moment.

A major part of the workshop was to identify and work toward controlling fear. I provided easy tools and strategies they could use leading up to and during their presentation to help them feel more confident and equipped to face their fears. I reassured them they were not alone in their fear, but if they were willing to put themselves outside their comfort zone, in this safe learning environment, they would succeed. Participants then worked in groups to develop short pitches (presentations for ideas and issues they were passionate about).

We had time for volunteers to present their pitches. At first, there was silence. I urged the group to take advantage of this opportunity to try facing their fears. To my surprise, the first volunteer was the young woman who’d stood out at the beginning of the workshop and expressed her intense fear at the thought of public speaking. She walked up the front with a confident stride, stood and faced the audience and spoke with passion and energy. It was raw, emotional, and at the end, she was beaming because she sensed she’d not only succeeded in being heard but had proudly faced her fears. She’d taken her fear with her, decided where it would sit, and took control of it. She was a perfect example of someone who had the ‘courage to bring forth the treasures hidden within her’. Her ideas, passions and desire to make a difference as a leader were the treasures. She spoke proudly, because she didn’t let fear take over.

She realised she deserved to be heard.

Your past doesn’t have to dictate your future

Just like me, you’ve probably had public speaking experiences that make you cringe. But your past public speaking experiences need not dictate your future. If you’re determined to break your cycle of fear, you can. If you’re willing to take risks and try new things, it will become easier each time you do it.

It’s like learning any new skill, learning to ride a bike, for instance. In the beginning, you feel a bit wobbly. With some practice, and better still with a caring teacher who gives you tips that build your confidence, you will be off your training wheels in no time. You may fall off a few times along the way, but if you’re willing to ‘get back on the bike’, you’ll master this new skill. It’s the same with public speaking. If you’re prepared to persevere, to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ and ride through the wobbly times, you’ll find your confidence. You will be heard.

Simon Sinek, thought leader, presenter and author of Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone To Take Action (2011), suggests in his YouTube video Nervous vs Excited (2018) that we have the power to rewrite our narrative, so we have a different attitude in circumstances where we feel nervous. He describes the example of how he feels nervous when he flies in airplanes, but since he’s changed the language, he now tells himself to feel excited, not anxious, and this has changed his reality.

He uses the same strategy when he undertakes major public speaking presentations. He tells himself, ‘This is so exciting; I have an opportunity to talk to a group of people who can actually effect change in this country’. If you can use the language of excitement instead of fear or nerves, this will help you to change your attitude and how you feel.

This strategy will work especially well if you can explain the reasons for your excitement just like Sinek did about his public speaking.

Facing your fear of speaking is a courageous decision. You should aim to create more positive memories and experiences by taking every opportunity to speak and change the language you use when you talk about it. But don’t put pressure on yourself and expect to be perfect every time. Prepare to the best of your ability and be satisfied with results that are sometimes far from perfect. It doesn’t matter! You’ll slowly change your reality by giving yourself the opportunity to experience success. Be willing to do things that are uncomfortable; little by little, you’ll break your cycle of fear.

“You have the
power to change by
acknowledging and
facing your fear.”

2

MANAGING YOUR FEAR

The next time fear challenges you; I encourage you to feel the fear, but don’t let it defeat you. These easy-to-apply tips have helped many of my clients, and they’ll help you too.

Diaphragm breathing

When we feel scared, we tend to breathe from our upper chest involuntarily. Breathing like this encourages short, shallow breaths that can incre...