I Know How to Set Goals so Why Don't I Achieve Them?

Nick Hall

• Editorial: G&D Media
• Año: 2018
• ISBN:
  9781722520854
• Categoría: Desarrollo personal
• Categoría: Éxito personal

Millions of people set goals every year, only to fall short of achieving them (if they ever begin at all) over and over again. There are scores of books on how to set goals, but few if any that deal what to do when your best laid plans never materialize. In this cutting-edge book by Dr. Nick Hall, I Know How to Set Goals, So Why Don't I Achieve Them?, you'll learn the latest in neuroscience and psychology on how to make sure you reach every goal you set.In order to achieve goals, you must begin by removing, or at least minimizing, potential impediments to success. There are many, however, the most crippling are those that reside within your mind. Granted, changes in the economy, the actions of others, and unexpected obstacles can derail even the most worthy plans despite the best intentions. But they pale in comparison to the impact your thoughts have. That's because you don't respond to reality. You respond to a mental image of reality. It is the image that gives rise to emotion, which in turn will motivate you to approach or avoid.We tend to approach those things associated with positive emotions such as love and joy, and avoid those linked with negative emotions such as disgust and sadness. In addition, the image is driving the endocrine and autonomic nervous system pathways, which provide the biological foundation of the entire stress response. This is important to understand because it enables you to always have control over the impact events have upon your mental and physical well-being. You can't always control external events. But after reading this book, you'll learn that you can always exert a measure of control over your perception of those events.

Dealing with Adversity and Set Backs

A Quick Fix

I’ve explained ways for dealing with the understanding and eventual changing of your beliefs. But those techniques won’t do you much good during an emergency. When you find yourself in the midst of an emotional crisis, that is not the time to be sitting back and saying, “What are my beliefs? And is it my belief or somebody else’s? What were those seven questions?” The process I have described is fine for making long-term adjustments; however, occasionally, you need to be able to do something immediately. And one of the most effective ways of putting the brakes on the emotional response and maintaining control so that you can remain focused on your goal is to boost your sense of satisfaction. There’s only one thing that is consistently characteristic of a happy person. It’s not age, gender, wealth, or health. Happiness is experienced when you are truly satisfied with what you currently have. Be careful. Dissatisfaction is an excellent motivator. You should not be satisfied with things that are within your power to improve. But when you have done your best and are satisfied with your circumstances, then happiness will be the result. Here’s a very simple way to improve your level of satisfaction. Complete this statement three times in the context of whatever is happening:

I am glad I am not ____________________.

If you find yourself caught in gridlock with no way of making it to the important meeting, complete this statement by saying, “I am glad I am not a part of the accident that is causing this traffic jam.” Or if your child comes home from school with failing grades, complete this statement by saying, “I am glad I did not just receive a call from the emergency room regarding my child.” It’s called reframing, and it may explain why people who have dealt with a great deal of adversity are often better able to deal with future crises. As a result of having successfully endured and survived a bad situation, they learn that everything is temporary. In the words of the Anglo-Saxon poem Deor, “This, too, shall pass.” Now, when they find themselves in a quandary, they can reflect upon the previous incident, which will make the current episode seem trivial by comparison.

I was living in Grenada during the Marxist revolution in 1979 and recall dozens of panic-stricken American medical students seeking any avenue off the island. They even offered local fishermen vast sums to transport them to safety in small, dilapidated boats. Thank goodness the fishermen had the wisdom to decline. There’s no way that many of those boats would have safely made the crossing to the next island. On the other hand, the expatriates who resided on the island took it all in stride. One resident had lived through several similar revolutions in Africa. Others had lived in London during World War II and had endured the relentless nightly bombings during the Blitz. Their perspective was very different. They had been through far worse and had survived. Therefore, they were confident that they could do so this time. By reflecting upon a previous experience or by simply imagining something worse, you find yourself becoming more satisfied with your present circumstances. What many people do is just the opposite. They make things worse by completing the statement:

I wish I were ____________________.

That sequence of words is a recipe for dissatisfaction. I wish I had a better car, a bigger house, or a more meaningful job will simply reinforce your perception that you are dissatisfied.

Optimism

The Russians were preparing to launch the first satellite into space; American advisors were venturing into Vietnam; and Ruth Fisher was my sixth-grade teacher. Yet, with a stroke of her pen, she had as great an impact on shaping my life as those world events would have on shaping the following decades. “Nicholas doesn’t pay attention. He wastes time, and he fails to follow instructions,” she wrote on the back of my C- and D-strewn report card. Hardly words of praise, yet they instilled in me a sense of confidence and optimism. The lasting message was conveyed between the words: “Nicholas doesn’t … wastes time … fails to follow instructions.” It was I who was in command. My lackluster grades were not the consequence of a low IQ or some genetically-inspired inability to learn. Instead, those D’s were the result of my actions—or, rather, lack of actions. At any time, I chose; I could have earned A’s and B’s. All I had to do was start paying attention and start following instructions. That was my choice, and it required no help from anyone.

Pity the poor student who, despite paying attention and following instructions, still failed. Chances are, the teacher would have concluded, John is just not good at math or Mary just doesn’t do well on tests. John and Mary will learn that they have a problem with no clear solution in hand. They are being told that there is a problem with them. I was told there was a problem with my choices. As a consequence, I came to recognize that most of life’s hurdles are temporary setbacks and are capable of being overcome. I learned to be optimistic. Here are some other things I’ve learned along the way:

• Nothing in life is permanent. While lessons learned early in life can have a lasting impact, pessimism can be changed. The steps are the foundation of cognitive psychotherapy.

• Learn to succeed through failure in the same way many successful CEOs have. Despite being labeled as dyslexic or ADD as children, they found that the problem was not their style but the mismatch with their environment. Optimism is realistic, not positive-thinking. It is recognizing that doing something can make a difference. It is no wonder that optimism predicts a reduced incidence of cancer and improved immunity. Optimists also have more friends since they are more fun to be around. Social support is yet another pathway to optimal health.

Clearly, optimism is a trait engrained during early childhood. However, that’s water under the bridge. You can’t go back and rewrite history. So what are your current options? What steps can you take to instill a sense of optimism long after having a pessimistic explanatory style imposed upon your psyche? There are things you can do, but it won’t be easy. That’s because it may require reprogramming your brain. In the face of adversity, you are likely to respond to a threat by engaging in either approach or avoidance behaviors. In the extreme, you would either fight or run away. Associated with the approach system is optimism. It’s highly unlikely that you would engage in a behavior unless you anticipated a positive outcome. Enthusiasm and pride would generally occur when moving toward a goal. In contrast, another system is associated with withdrawal from an aversive environment. Negative affect, perhaps in the form of disgust or fear, will generally be associated with putting distance between yourself and the source of the threat. Your tendency to withdraw will keep you from your goal.

Martin Seligman has conducted a number of studies revealing that people’s individual coping styles will have an impact on their response to threat. People who recognize that adversity does not have to permeate every aspect of their life, that adversity is temporary, and, largely, the result of external events, have an optimistic explanatory style and, generally, will rebound faster from stress-inducing events. They will view the event as a challenge and engage in approach behaviors. Their attitude is, “I can do this.” In contrast, those who personalize events and embrace the belief that every aspect of their life will be negatively and permanently impacted are said to have a pessimistic explanatory style. They tend to view adversity as an obstacle and engage in avoidance behaviors which will keep them from achieving goals.

Anatomy of Optimism

A specific part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex appears to be partially responsible for determining whether a person will approach or avoid. This bi-lobed structure is located above the orbits at the front of the brain. Different regions of this structure are responsible for shaping your responsiveness to events. The left side contributes to positive feelings since patients with damage to this region are more likely to be depressed. This observation is consistent with electrophysiological data. When healthy people are exposed to emotion-eliciting events, there is increased activity on the left side of the brain during times when the person is experiencing happiness, and there is more activity on the right side of the brain when they are sad.

So often, we tend to think that if something is associated with an event in the brain, it must be the cause of a behavior and not itself subject to behavioral influences. That is not true of the prefrontal lobes. A technique called mindfulness has been shown capable of bringing about not only a change in brain activity but also a change in outlook. It’s a technique that requires instruction and practice. Therefore, it is beyond the scope of this audio book to provide an in-depth description of the protocol. Nonetheless, it involves the induction of a meditative state, while maintaining an awareness of something in the environment. Usually, it is an aroma, a sound, or some other feature, which, otherwise, would not be a part of your conscious awareness. When taking steps to change your outlook, do not replace pessimism with positive thinking. That is not a feature of optimism. Bad things happen, and, when they do, there may be nothing to justify a rosy outlook. As defined by Seligman, optimism pertains to how you perceive adversity. It’s more about non-negative thinking than it is about being positive. Seligman has formulated what he refers to as the ABC technique for replacing a pessimistic explanatory style with one that is optimistic.

• Adversity: Identify the problem minus any feelings. It’s merely a description of what has happened.

• Beliefs: Examine the beliefs that are shaping your response.

• Consequences: Reflect upon your actions as well as their consequences.

This is really a modification of cognitive therapy, used extensively by mental health workers. The basic formula, which you will engage in yourself, is as follows:

• Identify the automatic thoughts, which make you feel worse.

• Consider opposite interpretations as you dispute these harmful thoughts.

• Create different explanations.

• Develop a strategy to distract yourself from negative thoughts.

• Examine carefully the depression-inducing beliefs that give rise to your pessimism.

Conditioned Habits

Earl Chace was the curator at the Black Hills Reptile Gardens where during most of the 1960’s, I wrestled alligators and milked rattlesnakes to earn money for college. I was 14 when I set out on a Greyhound bus from my home in Massachusetts to the

Black Hills of South Dakota. Chace, what we called him because the owners name was also Earl, was a kind and caring man who was amongst a handful of people who kept a watchful eye on me during those carefree summers. His early years had been spent as curator of insects at the Bronx Zoo in New York. He was also a talented pianist and organ player, a skill that provided extra money when he created the musical backdrop for silent movies that dominated the theaters during the 1930’s. It was difficult to move about his cramped living room, for most of the floor space was covered with a large piano and organ. He continued to play for pleasure throughout the years I worked with him. It was with a great deal of sadness when decades later, I paid him a visit only to learn that Alzheimers Disease had robbed him of his memory. Indeed, I quickly realized when I visited that he had no idea who I was. But while he was unable to recall any of his past experiences, when led to the piano, music flowed from fingers as they darted across the keys.

That type of memory is called implicit memory and occurs in other ways as well. Indeed, it is the foundation of many things we do without thought. These automatic memories were most notably characterized during the last century by the Russian physiologist, Ivan Pavlov. During the course of studying the digestive system of dogs, he observed that after pairing certain sounds with food, the sound by itself became capable of eliciting salivation and the release of stomach secretions. Metronomes, tuning forks, and a bell were just of few of many forms of stimuli, which, after a sufficient number of repetitions, became capable of eliciting the release of digestive secretions in the absence of meat. All that was needed was a brief association of the sound with the meat, which through the olfactory and visual senses was able to naturally activate gastric pathways. It was called Classical or Pavlovian conditioning, a discovery that earned him the Nobel Prize. At the subconscious level, the dogs had learned to respond in a highly specific way to an otherwise inert sound after it had been paired with the natural stimulus. Obstacles to achieving goals can become automatic responses to similar, unintended conditioned cues.

My job at the Reptile Gardens was extracting venom from rattlesnakes and wrestling alligators during the course of shows designed to entertain visiting tourists. There were other less dangerous shows, including a gallery featuring trained farm animals. The façade was of an old western town. The show began with a cow, who when she rang a bell by pulling a rope, signaled a half dozen young chickens to run down the make belief street to the school. Next was a rabbit, posing as a banker, that had been trained to count bank notes. He was followed by a dancing chicken, then a goat that rammed his way out of a jail cell, followed by the final act, Grubstake Charlie who deposited a large gold nugget into a container that he pushed on rails. Grubstake was a pig. What was remarkable about the show is once the announcer opened the window so the cow could ring the bell, the rest of the show ran on autopilot. The ringing bell was the Pavlovian-like stimulus that prompted the chickens to run down the street, which signaled the rabbit to count the money. When he was done, the music came on, signaling the chicken to scratch at the surface, which appeared to the audience to be a dance accompanied by the music. Each animal responded to a cue provided by the previous one. It was a cleverly thought out sequence whereby once started, continued through to the end. Each show proceeded like clockwork with little for the emcee to do except activate the food dispenser so once finished, each animal received a reward.

Without realizing it, many of us run the routine parts of our lives this way. Without thinking about it the morning alarm rouses a person from bed. That prompts a trip to the bathroom where the person might shower, then brush their teeth before dressing and putting on their shoes. Chances are, each part of the routine is done exactly the same way each day. Each day the toothpaste is spread in a consistent way, the teeth are brushed starting on the same side of the mouth, and then the clothes are put on in the exact same sequence as are the shoes. Those types of conditioned responses define our days at work and at play. Each step signals the next with barely any conscious awareness of the exact details of how or why the task is being carried out. From the time a person awakens, he is subconsciously responding to environmental triggers that elicit a variety of responses, some with beneficial consequences and some that are detrimental. This type of automatic learning, if carefully nurtured, can propel you to success, or if overlooked, can dash your hopes and dreams. Earlier, I spoke about the impact belief driven emotions can have upon the attainment of goals. What if certain beliefs or emotions become associated with a particular time of day, or in a specific location you are at on a daily basis. You may find yourself losing the motivation to continue because certain thoughts are being triggered by the time of day, a fragrance or some other subconscious cue. How do you find out of this is happening? Keep a detailed diary of when motivation-reducing thoughts occur. Write down everything associated with that state. Time of day, weather conditions, song playing on the radio, or anything else that may consistently become associated with those self-destructive thoughts.

Building a Reserve of Motivation

You need motivation if you are to achieve any goal, and it is something you have to learn, and then practice. In addition, you have only a certain amount and when you use it up dealing with hassles, it depletes your reserve for additional setbacks. Therefore, the more you start with, the greater your likelihood for success despite stressful setbacks.

Experiments with student volunteers have revealed that when asked to resist a highly desirable object, it predictably requires more will power to do so than when asked to resist a less desirable one. That’s certainly not an unexpected finding. The greater the desire for something, the harder it is to resist. The next task was to solve a puzzle that, unbeknownst to the students, was impossible to complete. The objective was to determine if using up a larger amount of will power during the first challenge, would prompt them to give up sooner on the subsequent problem solving task compared with volunteers who used a lesser amount of motivation. It did. The students who had expended negligible amount of will power ignoring the undesirable object had greater motivation to persevere with the second task. They spent a large amount of time experimenting with different approaches, and even seemed to enjoy the challenge. Not so the students who had to resist the desirable object and therefore expended a lot more of their motivation-reserve. When confronted with the unsolvable puzzle they quickly began to express their frustrations, and it wasn’t long before they gave up.

That’s what happened to me during the Ultimate Florida Challenge I mentioned at the start of ...