Train the Brave

Tame Your Fear, Take the Chance, Dare to Live Big

Margie Warrell

• Editorial: Wiley
• Año: 2019
• ISBN:
  9780730369448
• Edición: 2
• Categoría: Développement personnel
• Categoría: Réussite personnelle

What would you do today if you were being brave?

Courage begets courage. It's a habit. Doing something brave everyday - no matter how small - unlocks new possibilities, opportunities and pathways to thrive in your work, relationships and life. Drawing on her background in business, psychology and coaching, best-selling author Margie Warrell guides you past the fears that keep you from making the changes to create your ideal life. In today's uncertain times, fear can unconsciously direct our lives. Start small, dare big, and begin today to live with greater purpose, courage and success. Originally published in 2015 as Brave, this book has been reviewed and redesigned to become part of the Wiley Be Your Best series - aimed at helping readers acheive professional and personal success.

Part I
Live purposefully

Ten building blocks for living bravely

CHAPTER 1
Decide what you stand for

I was at university at the time of the massacre that took place in China's Tiananmen Square in 1989 — I was the same age as many of those who stood up to the tanks, soldiers and mighty military apparatus of the Chinese government. I remember being in awe of their bravery, particularly that of the young man standing his ground in front of an enormous armoured tank, an image that became iconic when it was broadcast around the globe.

‘How could he do that?' I remember asking myself at the time, completely unable to imagine myself being so courageous. And I think it's fair to say, I never have been.

But there are many ways you can be brave. Few make the headlines. Few earn medals. Fewer still make the cover of Time magazine. However, every act of bravery stems from a decision to make a stand for something that's bigger than yourself and more important than your emotional safety, comfort or pride.

If you've grown up in a democracy that respects civil liberties and freedom of speech then you've likely never felt compelled to risk your life for the greater good. Consider yourself fortunate. But regardless of your good fortune in life — or lack thereof — we're all called to make a stand for something: for the values we care about, for the difference we want to make, for the causes we believe in and for the injustice we don't. Those of us born with rights and freedoms millions only dream of have an even greater obligation to do so.

WHEN YOU'RE UNCLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU STAND
FOR, YOU CAN FALL EASILY ONTO THE PATH OF
CAUTIOUS, COMFORTABLE MEDIOCRITY.

Of course, it's so easy to unintentionally find yourself living on autopilot. We think we're in charge of our thoughts and behaviours, but so often we're operating from habit, reacting unconsciously to perceived threats to our security and station. Fear steers us away from risk and towards safety — or at least the illusion of it. Which is why, unless you're clear about what you want your life to stand for, it's all too easy to fall mindlessly into the path of least resistance, maximum self-interest and minimal contribution. Unfortunately, that path rarely leads anywhere worth travelling. It almost certainly contributes little to the welfare of others, which is always the richest source of satisfaction in our own lives.

Deciding to make a stand for something bigger than yourself is indispensable for living bravely. While you may never be called to lay your life on the line, start a movement or end an unjust regime, every day there are opportunities for you to lay your pride on the line for a more important cause. Sometimes your courage will be rewarded — your risk will pay off, you'll get the job, land the date, win the client, resolve the issue, close the sale, earn the rise. Other times it won't. But who you become by the courage you've shown will always leave you better off. Stronger. Smarter. Braver. Bolder.

KNOWING WHAT YOU STAND FOR IS THE
FOUNDATION STONE UPON WHICH BRAVERY
IS BUILT.

Each time you make a stand for something you believe in, you make an unspoken, but profoundly important, declaration to those around you — and, most importantly, to yourself:

I'm the author of my life, and not a passive spectator watching life play out before me. My life matters, my voice matters and my choices matter. I will not cower to conformity. I will not surrender to self-doubt. I have a role to play, a difference to make and I'm committed to living my truth, standing for what is right and against what isn't.

In her book My Story, former Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard wrote that it was her strong sense of purpose that fuelled her determination to enter politics and then sustained her throughout her three turbulent years leading Australia. Upon asking her to share her thoughts for my Forbes column to honour International Women's Day the following year, she replied, ‘Changing the world, like living your own life well, requires a sense of purpose, the courage to pursue it and the preparedness to risk the most public of failures'. Indeed, Julia ultimately experienced just that. But by having the courage to make a stand for something, she made a far more meaningful impact on her country and the world than she would ever have done otherwise.

Sure, we may not all feel called to enter politics, but there are things that you, and only you, can do; things that will never be done if you don't do them. Making a stand for what's most important to you in this one and only precious life of yours requires letting go excuses and owning your power. It means giving up stories that suggest you aren't good enough and daring to believe that you have everything it takes to live a life that truly matters, and to leave a legacy that lasts.

Your life, like my own, is ultimately very short. Knowing what you stand for is your testimony to the world and the only thing that will compel you to step beyond your comfort zone as many times as you need to honour all that you are, all that you can be and the difference that you alone can make.

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Train the brave

Knowing what you stand for in your work, in your family and in the world is crucial for living a truly meaningful life. So take a moment to get clear about (or simply to reconnect with) what you want your life to stand for. Write it down (it makes a difference!). Include the impact you want to make on those you live with, work with and encounter throughout the course of your life. Mahatma Ghandi said, ‘My life is my message'. What message do you want your life to say between now and the day you die?

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CHAPTER 2
Interrogate your reality

A squadron of soldiers was marching through the local town. All the parents and families had come out to wave and cheer them on. One particular soldier was marching completely out of step and as he passed his mother she turned to her neighbour and said, ‘Look, my son is the only one marching in step!'

While no-one likes to think they're being as one-eyed as the woman in this parable, all of us can become a victim of our own biases, blinkered thinking, and misperceptions. Left unchallenged, they can shield us from confronting truths we'd prefer not to face and prevent us from taking the very actions needed to forge more meaningful and rewarding lives.

THE STORIES YOU TELL YOURSELF EITHER EXPAND
OR SHRINK WHAT'S POSSIBLE FOR YOU. REWRITE
THOSE THAT CONFINE YOUR FUTURE.

‘Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?' This question by comedian George Carlin observes the bias we all have in assuming that our perception of reality is the right one and that everyone else has got it wrong. The truth is that you don't see the world as it is; you see it as you are. The reality you live in is shaped not by the circumstances of your life, but by the lens through which you view them and the story you create. In turn, what you tell yourself is the ‘truth' impacts the emotions you feel, the actions you take and the outcomes you produce … for better or worse. Every story you have either expands what's possible for you, or it shrinks it. So while the stories you tell yourself are often far from reality, they ultimately shape it.

WHATEVER YOU TELL YOURSELF IS TRUE, YOUR
BRAIN AUTOMATICALLY GOES TO WORK TO PROVE
YOURSELF RIGHT.

For most of my life I had labeled myself an ‘unathletic non-runner' and created a convincing story (convincing to me at least) about how my legs just weren't made for running. Then a few years ago I joined a boot camp and found myself running. Slowly. Heavily. But running nonetheless. Week by week, as my fitness improved, it chipped away at my well entrenched ‘I can't run' story. Then I signed up for a 5k run. Then a 10k. Then a 15k. Then a half-marathon. After I finished the half-marathon my mum said to me, ‘When you were fourteen you would have said running 21 kilometres (13 miles) was a physical impossibility.' Indeed, I would have! Which just goes to show how profoundly the stories we tell ourselves can shape (and limit!) what we even attempt to accomplish.

We all have a lot vested in our view of the world and we all get some sort of payoff by sticking to it — whether it be a sense of righteousness or victimhood, or an excuse for avoiding the pain and discomfort of facing the sometimes difficult and harsh realities of our lives. Or of simply doing the hard work required to make a change! It's why we tend to become defensive when anyone challenges how we see things, including how we see ourselves. In fact, psychologists have found that we actively ignore or discredit information that flies in the face of our own views (what they call our ‘perceptual defence mechanism') and we actively seek out information that supports it (‘confirmation bias'). If you've ever had to deal with a parent who thinks their child is the brightest or most gifted on the planet — when in fact their child is a little brat — you've encountered both.

BECAUSE YOU'RE HARDWIRED TO DEFEND YOUR
VIEW OF REALITY, YOU MUST CONTINUALLY
QUESTION IT.

We're instinctively drawn to information that reinforces what we already believe or hope. Whatever you decide about a situation, person or yourself — good, bad or impossible — your mind automatically goes to work to prove that you're right. Which is why you need to push yourself to actively seek out information that can jar your view of the world — something yo...