Communication

How to Connect with Anyone

Gill Hasson

• Editore: Capstone
• Anno: 2019
• ISBN:
  9780857087539
• Edizione: 1
• Argomento: Betriebswirtschaft
• Categoria: Unternehmenskommunikation

Communicate more easily and effectively in any situation!

Every day, you have the opportunity to interact with people in different areas of your life; in public, at work and at home, with colleagues and clients, with friends and family.

Your ability to exchange ideas and opinions with other people, understand their thoughts and feelings, their point of view and solve problems between you depends on how effectively you're able to communicate.

But being understood, and understanding others is not always easy!

Communication is a dynamic, complex process, influenced by all the complexities and differences in human motivation and behaviour. Communication: How to Connect with Anyone will help you connect with others, build friendships and develop better relationships with colleagues and clients, friends and family.

This engaging, practical guide shares everything you need to know to develop empathy and rapport with others, and feel confident about communicating with a diverse range of people.

This book will help you:

• Identify, understand and overcome the barriers to communication
• Explain yourself clearly and be able to manage other people's responses – whatever they are
• Know what to say to get others to open up to you
• Learn how to read between the lines and get a better insight into how others feel, what they do and don't want
• Learn how to persuade and influence others

Communication: How to Connect with Anyone is a valuable guide for anyone who wishes to communicate effectively, clearly and successfully in all aspects of life.

Part 1
Communicate

1
Understanding Communication and Miscommunication

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

George Bernard Shaw

Even with the most simple of communications – one person says something to another, the other person replies – both people may think they understand what's passed between them, but often communication has not occurred. Instead, what has occurred is a miscommunication – the meaning has not been understood as the speaker intended it to be.

Take these exchanges between a Mum and Dad and their two young children. Dad is making breakfast. Mum is in the shower.

Dad: Josh, go and ask Mummy if she wants an egg.

Josh: OK! (runs to bathroom. Runs back to kitchen).

1. She said YES! (Runs out of kitchen again)

Dad: Really?

1. Mum doesn't usually want eggs so Dad asks Ben

Dad: Ben, just go and check with Mummy; ask her if she wants an egg.

Ben: But I want an egg!

Dad: Sure. But please go and ask Mummy.

Ben: OK! (runs off. Runs back) Mummy said yes!

1. Dad goes to the fridge. There are only 2 eggs. He goes to the bathroom.

Dad: Sorry, after all that, you can't have an egg. We don't have enough.

Mum: (from in the shower): I don't want an egg.

Dad: What? Josh said you said ‘Yes’ you wanted an egg.

Mum: No, Josh knocked and said, ‘Can I come in?’ and I said ‘Yes!’

Dad: And what about Ben? He said you wanted an egg.

Mum: Uh uh. Ben came in and asked if he could have an egg and I said, ‘Yes, you can!’

How often do you assume someone knows what you meant but it turns out that they didn't? Recently, I was listening to a music station when I heard someone by the name of Mark phone in with a record request. His voice sounded like the friend of a friend. The next morning I texted my friend Karen to ask if it was her friend that I'd heard on the radio the previous day. She texted Mark to ask him and Mark then texted me. His text read ‘Karen said you heard me on the radio. Is it true?!!’ That confused me. Surely he'd know if he'd been talking on the radio? After a minute I realized what had happened. Mark is a musician. He thought I meant I'd heard his music playing on the radio.

Of course, tales of miscommunication are often amusing. But just as often, they're not. A misread policy or contract, for example, a misinterpreted instruction, a misunderstanding about when and where to meet can lead to all sorts of difficulties. So can a misconstrued attempt to persuade someone to do something or an ill‐timed comment about someone's efforts to achieve something.

Presumably though – unless they have malicious intent – no one sets out to miscommunicate. Likewise, no one sets out to deliberately misunderstand either. Humans are social beings; we're wired to communicate and to connect with each other; to seek out and exchange thoughts, ideas, opinions and theories, feelings and emotions, wants and needs, likes and dislikes. We want to communicate and connect with each other. So why do communications often go wrong and turn into miscommunications? Because communication isn't always a simple, straightforward process, it's a dynamic process, influenced by all the complexities and differences in human behaviour.

Often, we believe that there's a right and wrong way that we should communicate with each other. Most of the time, we are completely unaware of how our expectations and assumptions can create all sorts of communication breakdowns, misunderstandings, conflict, and distrust.

Cultural Differences

For a start, each culture has its own ideas and beliefs about what are and are not appropriate ways to communicate. There are, for example, ‘rules’ about eye contact or how close you can stand next to another person when you're talking with them. In some cultures, eye contact should be sporadic and people should stand at least three feet apart. In other cultures, eye contact may be considered disrespectful but it is acceptable for there to be just a short space between you when you're talking with each other.

For some cultures, it's important and considered correct to talk indirectly about an issue. For example, Japanese communication style is indirect and far less verbose – less wordy – than what many of us in the UK are used to. Japanese culture relies less on words to convey context; it's more focused on the posture, expression, and tone of voice of the speaker to draw meaning from what a person is saying. In order to maintain harmony throughout conversation and prevent a loss of face for either person, a Japanese person may use ambiguous speech and understatements to convey their message in a more subtle way.

The French style of communication is more direct. One reason for this is that the French language is quite precise and therefore it's difficult not to be direct when using it. The standard speaking style in Spanish is also more direct than English. ‘Give me the key’ sounds rude in English without a ‘please’ accompanying it, but in Spanish ‘dame la llave’ is perfectly acceptable.

Different cultures differ in the extent to which they communicate feelings and emotions. Some are generally open about their emotions, with hugs and kisses alternating between angry shouting and gesturing. They laugh and cry and are not afraid to show their anger, fear, frustration, and other feelings. Other cultures strive to keep their emotions hidden and believe in communicating only the factual, objective aspects of a situation. This can cause problems when people from different cultures communicate. A person from one culture may think another is out of control as they freely express their emotions. On the other hand, someone from a culture that openly expresses its emotions and feelings might consider the person from the more restrained culture as uptight.

If the people involved are not aware of the potential for such cultural misunderstandings, they are even more likely to fall victim to them!

We're all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.

Rudyard Kipling

As well as differences in ways of communicating between people from different cultures and countries, different generations also have differences in their ways of communicating. I recently heard a middle‐aged woman describing how irritated she was with her much younger colleagues who rarely returned her phone calls by phone. Instead they typically would text or email back a response. ‘They need to stop emailing and pick up the %^$# phone!’ she said.

Each generation has its own expectations about what's an appropriate way to communicate and they often communicate in different ways. When it comes to communication technology, in general, the older generations prefer talking face‐to‐face or on the phone, and the younger generations tend toward text‐based messages like email and instant message. So, it can be very frustrating when you communicate with someone in a mode that they don't use or like; these differences in communication often create tension and lead to misunderstandings.

Individual Communication Styles

But it's not just cultural and generational differences that can occur and cr...